A Few Days Away
by CroftL
Summary: Set mid-friendship, this is a hurt/comfort piece as I'm a hurt/comfort junkie. Olivia, Natalia and Emma decide to have a few days away...hopefully more interesting than the summary suggests. I also hope I have the correct rating. Otalia
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE:** A Few Days Away  
><strong>FANDOM:<strong> Guiding Light  
><strong>PAIRING:<strong> Otalia  
><strong>SUMMARY:<strong> Set mid-friendship, this is a hurt/comfort piece as I'm a hurt/comfort junkie. Olivia, Natalia and Emma decide to have a few days away...hopefully more interesting than the summary suggests. Please request before archiving.  
><strong>RATING:<strong> PG for mild violence  
><strong>Author's note:<strong> This was my first ever attempt at fanfic and has been posted some time ago elsewhere. I wanted to see how worked in terms of posting as I have an urge to write again, though not necessarily for this pairing, and thought this would be an ideal opportunity to test things out.  
><strong>DISCLAIMERS:<strong> I do not own Guiding Light or any of the characters

**Chapter 1**

A few days away, what could be more perfect? Since the whole Decker affair, Olivia had been completely strung out. Her attempt at trying to keep her true physical condition concealed had only heightened her level of exhaustion and having experienced a bout of rejection and the fear of possibly losing her heart, Gus' heart, had raised her anxiety up another notch.

Natalia had noticed she was being called upon more and more lately and how quickly did she respond with an almost Dick Tracy-like 'I'm on my way'.

So, tentatively, as if approaching a wounded animal, she had broached the idea of a getaway. A couple of days away from the Beacon, away from Springfield and maybe, for a moment, away from the incestuous, cloying, meddling inhabitants who lived there.

~/\~

Olivia reclined on the chaise lounge, trying to conjure up the effort to reach toward the phone to call room service, when she heard the tell-tale whir and click of her hotel door opening.

"Hi," a breezy voice called into the room, "I thought maybe you and Emma might like something a little different tonight for food so I brought some home-cooked pasta."

Olivia arched an eyebrow and looked at the Latina woman, "Are you developing psychic powers? That's perfect. Em! Food's here!"

Emma came running from her room, "Natalia! Yay!"

"Hi Sweetie, have you been good for your mom?"

The girl nodded and then, after glancing at her mother, whispered conspiratorially, "I don't think mommy's been feeling very well."

Natalia looked briefly at Olivia before squatting down to look Emma in the eyes and told her, "Your mom's just tired Em but I have an idea that might cheer her up, okay?" and she tapped Emma on her nose as the girl beamed and nodded trustingly.

"What are you two conspiring about over there? Hm?" as Olivia slowly dragged herself upright to make her way over to the table, trying not to scare her daughter with how weak she was actually feeling.

"You know, I was thinking..."

"Dangerous."

"I was thinking," she continued ignoring the interruption and Olivia's smirk, "that it would be a good time for you and Emma to get away for a bit, maybe a long weekend, you know...get away from the Beacon for a while..." Natalia trailed off when she noticed Olivia's eyes narrowing and studying her intently.

"You did, did you?"

"Why not? A chance to just relax, fresh air."

"Uh huh?"

Emma's head turned to follow each speaker with eager anticipation at her mother's answer. She loved her mommy more than anything but, being the perceptive child she was, she'd noticed how hard she was finding things lately, always tired, always looking slightly drawn and sad.

"Well, it's an idea but honestly I don't know how I would..." Olivia paused "Jellybean would you be so kind as to run and get your mom a glass of water please?"

"Sure mom."

She waited until Emma left the room, "Honestly, it's a great idea but I don't think I could cope with it right now and besides, where could I go when I feel tethered to that damn Cedars," Olivia continued to grumble under her breath, 'probably for the rest of my life."

Natalia watched the woman before her giving in to her bitterness at her situation again and realised she did have a solution, "What if..." she hesitated.

"What?"

"What if I came with you, I could help out with Emma and I could..."

"What? Look after me? You do that enough now, let alone on a vacation."

Not to be deterred, Natalia persisted, "Change of scenery...what do you say?"

At that moment Emma stormed excitedly back into the room, "Yay mom, we could all go, it'd be so much fun, can we?"

Staring across at the very present, dimpled Latina and with her daughter's enthusiasm ringing in her ears, Olivia really didn't see a way to say 'no'.

~/\~

So here they were, a few days later, miles out of town and currently enjoying the fresh air while tucked away in a beautiful, rustic cabin, with a gentle river running by.

There were two rooms, a twin and a double, so it was quickly agreed that mother and daughter would share the twin room with Natalia having a room to herself. Naturally she objected but Olivia was clear that if she was going to be doing most of the work, she may as well have the benefit of having a room to herself at least.

Once their meagre weekend items were squared away, Emma immediately bolted for the outdoors, leaving the two women to sit on the porch bench and watch the world go by.

It was a glorious day when they arrived, the chirrup and clicks of summer's soundtrack could clearly be heard as they sat together, empty ice cream dishes stowed under the bench and no doubt becoming the utopia of any ants nearby.

"This was a good idea, thank you."

Natalia looked at Olivia and noticed how, just by being outside, almost in isolated solitude, the world had fallen away and as the sun poured down upon her she really began to see this frustratingly annoying, strong woman relax and exhale. Already the dark circles, Olivia had oh so carefully attempted to mask with make-up but had been evident to her, were fading away. She looked beautiful.

She was looking her way.

"What?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking how relaxed you look."

Olivia threw her head back and let out a long breath. "I don't think I really realised just how badly I needed to get away for a while."

She turned to look at Natalia, "Of course, I couldn't do this without you."

Natalia had to look away from the intensity of Olivia's eyes.

"Mom! Look at this. Look what I found." And the next couple of hours were filled with a child's laughter and curiosity with the world about her.

~/\~

That evening they played cards together before it was agreed, nobody stood a chance against a card shark like Emma and thankfully that shark had to go to bed.

"She's down for the night. All that fresh air, poor thing is exhausted," the last bit said around a stifled yawn.

"And not the only one it seems. You surprised me today."

"I did?"

"Yeah, I had no idea you were such a...a nature girl."

Olivia chuckled, "I grew up on an island you know, I know a lot about nature. I'm more than just a corporate shark and alpha-bitch you know."

"Why do you do that?"

"What?"

"Get so defensive, go on the attack?"

Olivia pulled her hair behind one ear in a gesture Natalia found endearing and decided to let her off the hook.

"I think the weather may change tomorrow. I can almost smell the rain coming."

"You can?"

"Sure. What? You can't 'nature girl'?"

They both chuckled together and enjoyed the comfortable feeling of just being in each other's company.


	2. Chapter 2

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 2**

The next morning saw a definite change in the weather. Where before the sky had been a picture book blue, it was now overcast and heavy. This didn't seem to deter the vacationers and certainly not one determined little girl who seemed to be thriving at the opportunity to run around outdoors.

Emma had woken surprisingly early, apparently not inheriting her mother's gene for staying in bed until the last possible moment, and left her mother sprawled under her covers fast asleep and snoring gently. Following her nose, she wandered into the kitchen area to see Natalia preparing pancakes.

"Morning little one."

"Hi Natalia. I left mommy snoring," she giggled.

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm sure she'll wake up when she smells the coffee. Are you ready for some pancakes?"

Emma sat at the table, knife and fork ready and an expectant look on her face. Natalia took this as a yes and began to pile them up on the plate.

"And what do you want to do today?"

"I thaw s'm ducks..." garbled Emma around a mouthful of pancakes. Then noticing Natalia's look quickly swallowed before continuing, "there were some ducks down by the river and I was hoping we could go feed them. There's so much out there to see, it's so different from staying at the Beacon."

"Well, I think we have something we can give them but we need to be careful around the river, okay?"

Emma nodded as she continued to eat heartily.

"Do I smell coffee in here?" It was almost a pathetic, plaintive plea as a very rumpled and not quite awake Olivia appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Hi, yes you did. Did you sleep well?"

"Like a log. Thanks," she took the proffered cup of coffee and inhaled deeply.

"Seems the plan is to feed the ducks today and explore the area a bit more."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia lowered herself to sit at the table and began helping herself to pancakes. She looked out the window. "I don't know how long that weather's going to hold so I'm thinking; let's not stray too far from the cabin – okay?"

Emma agreed with a nod of the head "I'm going to go get ready." And like a shot she was gone.

"How are you feeling today?" Natalia enquired now that Emma was gone.

"Rearing to go. A nature day, for..."

"A nature girl" they finished together.

~/\~

Like most incidents, when you look back, you realise it was a silly, stupid mistake. Just one moment of idiocy that could easily have been avoided and in many ways, was hard to explain. How had it happened and gone that far?

Whatever the starting point, the result had Emma caught in the rising river water and heading downstream.

~/\~

They'd been feeding the ducks, meandering along the riverbank, Natalia and Olivia arm in arm while Emma squealed with delight at every new item she found. Mushrooms, insects, birds and small mammals, all filled the girl with delight and wonder.

At some point on their stroll, the wind had picked up and they were starting to turn back towards the cabin when the heaven's opened and the river began to swell. Emma, who had been running ahead of her mother, lost her footing and with a scream that tore through both women, plunged into the river depths and disappeared.

Without thought, without anything except sheer desperation and a mother's focus, Olivia dove into the water to find her daughter.

Natalia stood back on the receded riverbank shouting desperately, searching for some sign of the two people who had come to mean so much to her. "Olivia! Emma!"

Still no sign.

She began to follow the path of the river, believing them to be caught in the swirling rush that so menacingly crashed downstream.

Please be alright. God, please hear my prayer, let them be alright. Where are they?

Screaming against the howling wind, Natalia continued to search, straining against the sudden storm in search of salvation.

~/\~

Olivia didn't know what she was thinking. She wasn't thinking. She was totally going on instinct. The horror of seeing Emma plunge into the murky depths and the scream as she fell cut through her sharper than any surgeon's knife.

Without considering the stupidity of the act she threw herself after the most important thing in her life and gasped as the water, so pleasant only the previous day, gripped her with icy fingers.

Seeing what appeared to be an arm, she flailed towards it, not able to control her strokes as the maelstrom pulled her this way and that. Sound diminished to the thudding of her heart, intermittently broken by the rush of the wind as she bobbed free of the water before sinking again to search.

Emma! She wanted to shout, to scream but it was taking every bit of energy to keep reaching forward. Fingertips clawed at a leg just within reach.

As she grasped hold of Emma's leg and pulled her towards her, the water swelled again. Turning, as a protective shield to her small charge, she took the brunt of the impact as the water slammed her against the bank. For one intensely long moment the air was knocked from her and both of them were once again submerged.

Desperate to draw breath, she kicked and once again broke the water's surface. Gasping a great lungful of air, she held tighter to Emma while frantically trying to look around and find safety, all while being carried by the river's rapid current.

~/\~

From her place on the bank, Natalia finally caught sight of Olivia and could see Emma, cradled in her mother's grip. She watched in horror as the water tossed them hard against the bank and debris but she also noticed how Olivia had managed to shelter the child. Then they were under the water again.

Natalia ran along the bank, anxiously searching for some way to pull them clear of the raging torrent the river had become.

"Olivia! This way, over here!" Her friend's head appeared once more and she called out in hopes of providing a direction.

~/\~

"Olivia!"

She could hear someone calling her name, with all the confusion and noise, this voice, this anxious voice called to her and finding a strength within her she hadn't known she possessed, she began to fight against the current and move towards that voice.

In her mind, the thought that kept churning over and over, Emma, my baby, oh God my baby.

After the battering of the water and debris, it was with immense relief she felt someone clutching at her collar, practically dragging her out and away from the water, Emma still clutched within her arms.

"Olivia, thank you God! Olivia, can you hear me? Let me take Emma."

She held Emma tighter and gradually began to stand on unsteady legs, her one thought like a mantra escaping her lips, "I have to get her to the cabin, I have to get her there. It's warm there; I have to get her to the cabin."

~/\~

Natalia thanked all the saints when she saw Olivia beginning to make her way to the bank. God must've been smiling down as the river seemed to be slowing in its swell and there was enough of a plateau for her to reach down without danger of falling in and finally being able to offer some assistance to the beleaguered woman.

Grabbing hold of Olivia's collar for want of something to grab, Natalia began to pull her from the water. She was amazed as Olivia maintained her vice-like hold on her child and began to pull herself up on her knees.

"Olivia, thank you God! Olivia, can you hear me? Let me take Emma."

Natalia moved to unburden the obviously exhausted woman only to find her efforts brushed aside as Olivia began to climb to her feet, still carrying Emma and moving towards the cabin. As Natalia stepped closer she could barely make out the whisper as Olivia began to hoarsely chant, "I have to get her to the cabin, I have to get her there. It's warm there; I have to get her to the cabin."


	3. Chapter 3

****Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.****

**Chapter 3**

Natalia was concerned. She had been trudging behind the determined woman for the last five minutes, and that had seemed to be an eternity for her. Olivia seemed to be on a course that would not be deviated from and although she occasionally stumbled, her path was resolute.

The rain was easing off and as if an eclipse was ending, the world was starting to come to life again. But for the moment there was only Olivia, doggedly putting one foot in front of the other, her mantra keeping time with her steps.

After what seemed to be the umpteenth time of trying to get Olivia to stop and let her check Emma, they reached the cabin.

Olivia stormed through the doors, walked straight to her and Emma's room, gently laid Emma on the bed and then as if unsure what to do next, reverently moved back and turned to Natalia as if realising she was there for the first time and beseechingly stared at her.

Natalia stepped forward and began to check Emma over. She knew the child was breathing, she knew that if there was any doubt of that she would've tackled Olivia back at the riverbank and made sure of it. Now though in the relative sanctuary of the cabin she was able to ascertain if there were any other injuries. She began to peel away her wet clothes and talk to her in warm, comforting, reassuring tones, all the while aware of the spectre that was Olivia at her back. Watching and yet not watching.

"That's right Emma, you're going to be okay. Gotta get you out of these wet things and we'll have you all bundled up and safe eh?" Natalia continued to murmur to the child but wasn't sure if it was to relax the child, the child's mother or herself.

"You're as good as new eh? Your mommy was very brave and she protected you, didn't she sweet one? That's right," she carefully soothed away Emma's hair from her face and having managed to get the virtually limp child into her nightwear, pulled the quilt up tight under her chin, leant forward and kissed her.

Shortly Emma began to stir, "Mommy?" she whispered.

"It's alright Em, your mommy's here. You just need to sleep honey okay?"

Trustingly the child closed her eyes again and slept.

~/\~

Olivia was aware of nothing except the child in her arms and the very distinctive need to be somewhere warm, somewhere safe and somewhere other than where she currently was. She was unaware of the footsteps doggedly in step behind her or of the questioning pleas to take Emma from her arms.

Her daughter. Her life. She clung to them voraciously.

Step. Step.

When the cabin appeared before her she stepped through the portal and headed for their room. Gently, finally releasing her child she realised she really didn't know what to do next. Her goal had been achieved and now she was lost. Totally lost.

But not alone.

She turned and saw Natalia. Natalia who always seemed to be there when she called, who always came running.

_What do I do now?_

She couldn't seem to say the words but somehow she managed to communicate her meaning as Natalia stepped forward and began to examine Emma, removing her wet clothes, comforting her.

"Mommy?"

In her haze, where she seemed to be so far away, she heard the voice. A response, not her own.

Then Natalia was before her...or was she far away? All she knew was gentle hands seemed to be leading her somewhere and she was incapable of doing anything except to follow.

~/\~

Natalia was now very concerned. Having seen that Emma was resting comfortably she turned to look upon the woman who seemed to have incredibly depths of strength to call upon, only to see a glazed expression and a definite shivering.

"Come on," she said softly, taking hold of Olivia's clammy hand and leading her charge away from the bedroom towards the bathroom. "Your turn now, you need to get out of these wet clothes okay?"

There didn't seem to be any response that Olivia understood so she began to undo her jacket, all the while making soothing noises, rather like she had done for Emma. She noticed Olivia seemed to be perspiring and her breathing was rapid and slow, sending a dread through her that something was wrong with Olivia's heart.

"Sit down," she commanded and guided the distressed woman to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. Olivia sat, swaying slightly now.

"Olivia, I need you to help me here okay?" Anxious to make contact with her and to calm her own rising nerves Natalia began sliding the jacket from Olivia's shoulders. She was surprised to see a fairly large bloodstain near her shoulder and winced herself as she began to work on loosening the now nearly see through blouse. "I need to remove your clothes so that you can shower; we need to get you warmed up. Do you understand?"

As the blouse slid back from Olivia's body, Natalia could discern various bruises among the scrapes and cuts, one in particular which seemed to wrap around the older woman's torso front to back.

"Oh Olivia, what have you done to yourself hm?" she kept her voice calm and steady even though her own heart was racing in fear for the other woman's health.

With still no indication Olivia had heard, Natalia began to undo Olivia's sodden trousers, hands joined hers and Olivia seemed to respond automatically by going through the motions of undressing. Having virtually completely disrobed Olivia, Natalia moved away to start the shower running then turned back to contemplate which wound, on the obviously traumatised woman, to deal with first. Before she could examine further, she was aware of the full body shuddering Olivia seemed to be experiencing.

Helping Olivia into the stall, she was relieved to see the other woman at least register, through her befuddlement, where she was and brace herself against the wall. It was then a small cry could be heard from the bedroom. Unsure whether it would be safe to leave Olivia in her current state, she turned to the elder woman, "Olivia, I need you to concentrate okay? I've just got to go check on Emma and I'll be right back. Don't..." What could she say? Don't go anywhere?

Turning to answer Emma's cry and to be as quick as she could, she ran from the bathroom, anxious not to leave the obviously traumatised woman too long.

~/\~

Her skin felt cold yet hot.

The river had been cold but the unremembered walk back to the cabin had warmed her body and as Natalia led her away, she felt like she was peering down a long, fuzzy tunnel. Sound was filtering in but it was distorted. She was chiefly aware of her breathing, her pulse, rapid and racing. Her chest tightened.

She was aware in an abstract way that she had been sat down and her jacket was being removed. Why was it then with the loss of this clothing, she could feel herself sweating?

She felt dizzy, a little nauseous but mostly confused. _What's going on? _

A large part of her wanted to lean forward, put her head between her knees and hope like hell she didn't make a fool of herself and pass out but someone was pulling at her blouse now. Her shoulder seemed to be an oasis of fire within a desert of numbness and she could hear a sharp intake of breath, not her own.

Something about needing to shower, to warm up, that sounded like a great idea as she could feel chills starting to wrack her body and the constant shivering was pulling on her muscles, the ones around her torso protesting the most vigorously. Realising she could help move things along and wanting to be free of her constricting trousers, she moved to undo them and encountered other hands attempting to do the task.

Distantly she could hear water running, her shaking increased. Hands were helping her into the stall, feeling unsteady again; she reached out and placed her hands against the wall.

The hands disappeared. She was being given instructions. Need to concentrate, that was it, got to check on Emma.

_Emma._

Olivia could feel the steam from the shower, her ears zeroing in on the noise the water makes as it hits the tiles.

Water.

The river.

Emma.

The river where she nearly lost..._oh God!_

Like a gut punch, the air whooshed out of her and she collapsed in a Bambi like fashion to the bottom of the shower stall.

The water continued to cascade down upon her and sobs, wrenching and deep, tore through her body.

_Oh God, my baby. I can't lose my baby._

~/\~

Natalia was grateful to see that Emma had returned to a restful slumber after a, to be expected, nightmare of her experience. As much as she wanted to stay with the child she viewed as her own daughter, she was incredibly conscious of the girl's mother who, while only in the bathroom next door, seemed to actually be miles away.

A thudding noise.

Looking up, Natalia tried to discern what that noise had been and her concern elevated. Leaving Emma's side yet again she hurried back to the bathroom.

There, rocking back and forth, trembling and sobbing was Olivia.

Natalia turned the shower off and grabbing a towel, enshrouded Olivia with it, rubbing her back in an attempt to dry, warm and comfort.

"Shh, it's alright. Emma's alright," she intoned.

Gradually the woman's sobs began to recede. The uncomfortable position they were sprawled in started to make itself known and Natalia was seriously beginning to worry about Olivia's physical health.

"Come on Olivia," she coaxed, trying to get the older woman to stand up and be guided.

Aware that Olivia had various scrapes and cuts that needed to be addressed and not wanting to scare Emma, she lead Olivia to her own room and tenderly sat her back on the bed, worried again about how compliant the normally argumentative woman was being.

"What? What are you doing?" a confused voice began to ask as Natalia pulled the towel away to examine the flesh beneath.

"You've managed to bang yourself up pretty good here. I need to treat these cuts. Then," her most maternal matronly voice came out, "you are going to have something to eat, drink and then sleep."

"I'm fine."

"You are so not fine."

Eyes held.

"Please Olivia, don't fight me on this. What you've been through, what we've all been through today was pretty scary and I..." Natalia knew she couldn't think about this too much now, even though her eyes were brimming with tears. At the moment she had to concentrate on making sure Olivia was alright. She was sure they would all dwell on it later.

"Really, I'm okay." Olivia's voice had dropped in tone and didn't seem to have the strength of conviction behind it it usually had.

"No, you're not. Let me take care of you Olivia. Please. Just let me do this."

Natalia could see the other woman starting to visibly sway on the bed as the events of the day caught up on her. "Please, just lie back. Let me take care of this and you just, you just rest a moment okay?"

"'kay," Olivia mumbled.

~/\~

Olivia wasn't really sure how she'd gotten here. Did she have a life of blackouts to look forward to now as well? One moment she was sure she was in the shower and the next she seemed to be sitting on Natalia's bed, with Natalia undressing her. _What?_

"What? What are you doing?"

Natalia's voice seemed to be telling her something that she was sure she didn't want to hear. She was fine though, she was Olivia Spencer.

"I'm fine."

"You are so not fine."

_Why does she always argue with me? _Olivia stared into Natalia's eyes as Natalia stared back. There was something there, Natalia seemed to be, no wait, what was she saying? Something about not fighting, all we've been through...Natalia seemed scared, her eyes bright.

Time to rally the troops.

"Really, I'm okay." _Hmm...that didn't come out as confident as I'd hoped. She's arguing with me again. Always taking care of me. Why? Whoa, did the world tilt a bit then, have I been drinking?_

"Please, just lie back. Let me take care of this and you just, you just rest a moment okay?"

_That sounds like a really good idea... _"'kay."


	4. Chapter 4

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 4**

The relief Natalia felt as Olivia finally laid back and allowed herself to rest was palpable. Since the moment this whole affair had started, she had felt control slipping away and her cries to God, her faith that he would not let anything happen to these cherished individuals in her life, was all that had kept her tethered to her own sanity.

Seeing Olivia become practically unglued had scared her more than she cared to admit and knowing that both, what she considered to be 'her charges', were now ensconced in the cabin once again allowed her a moment to reflect.

Looking down at Olivia's face, now in repose, Natalia could not resist reaching forward and stroking away the strands of hair that fell over her forehead.

A silent sob caught in her throat as she thought back to that horrifying moment when she saw Emma fall away from view and Olivia hurling herself into the water after her.

With her hand to her mouth as if to hold back the sadness within her, tears silently running down her face, she began to consider her next action.

Olivia.

Olivia wounded and hurting.

_I can do this, I can do this._

As she unwrapped the towel from around Olivia's naked body, Natalia became aware of just how treacherous the water had been. There were various cuts along Olivia's arms and side, a gash that somehow had broken past the barriers of Olivia's clothing and gouged into the flesh of her upper arm and shoulder but by far the most painful evidence was the bruise that seemed to coil around Olivia's body, front to back.

Unwilling to cause any further discomfort but knowing she needed to at least treat the wounds, Natalia carefully stood up from the bed and went to retrieve the first aid kit she'd seen in the bathroom.

~/\~

She could feel herself cooling. She wasn't asleep, she was sure of that. She could feel a hand sweep gently across her forehead and then the sensation of the mattress beneath her as if someone had gotten up and she felt a loss.

Then there was an annoying, nagging sensation. Pain, that was it, pain extending from her shoulder. _What? _Sharp intake of breath, _what's going...?_

~/\~

Natalia could see Olivia starting to stir, her forehead creasing as eyebrows drew together into a micro-expression of pain.

She was tentatively dabbing at the shoulder wound with antiseptic and considering how best to bandage it. A sharp intake of breath stilled her hand.

"Ow."

"I'm nearly done, just a moment more."

Olivia flinched and tried to pull away, this seemed to have the effect of making her aware of the other injuries she had incurred.

"God," she sighed out as she attempted to relax back onto the bed. An eye opened and looked up.

"Don't move around okay? Just lay there for a minute, let me do this and..."

"How long?"

"Huh?"

"How long have...? Since?" The woman, who was gradually gaining hold of her senses again, didn't seem to know which question she wanted to ask but then, as if her mind had switched gears and locked onto a pursuit course of thought, attempted to abruptly sit up as she asked, "Emma?"

Natalia's placed her hands on her shoulders and pushed her back towards the bed, "She's alright. Remember? You jumped in and saved her."

Eyes widened and looked at her as if she'd grown another head. "Who's the superhero now huh?" she teased.

Relieved to see a sense of intelligence and awareness in Olivia's eyes, Natalia couldn't hold back the sob of relief or prevent the current flow of tears that ran down her face.

"Don't _ever _scare me like that again," she chided and even though she really wanted to let out all the anger and fear she was feeling by berating the woman before her, she couldn't ignore the look of absolute trust in the other woman's eyes.

Olivia's eyes.

Intelligent, aware and a beautiful shade of green.

~/\~

Having awakened to the feeling of a fluffy poker being dabbed at her shoulder, Olivia could not hold back the necessary, "Ow," or her attempts to move away from the offending touch.

She could feel reality settling in, her whole body waking up to each niggling sensation and her situation. How had she gotten there? She needed answers.

Her throat felt dry, even with the taste of the river water rolling around her mouth she had to ask the question twice. So many things she wanted to know. As her brain shuffled through the assorted questions, one immediately sprung to the top of the deck.

"Emma?"

Sitting up. Big mistake. Huge.

As desperately as she needed the answer to that question her body, flexed taut against the wave of pain currently sending signals throughout it, offered no resistance to the gentle hands pushing her back towards the mattress.

"You jumped in and saved her."

_What? I did what? I..._

Her eyes widened.

"Who's the superhero now huh?"

She wasn't sure what she felt at that moment. So much had happened, so quickly but she didn't expect the sound of the sob above her, Natalia's tears or the admonishing tone to 'never scare her again'.

In a moment of total sincerity, knowing she would not, _could_ not have survived without this woman, Olivia looked directly into Natalia's eyes and gave herself over.

Nobody had cared like Natalia. Nobody had shown that strength of will and character to go up against her and yet support her. And here she was now, somehow causing this amazingly giving woman pain and misery.

~/\~

"Oh no you don't."

Natalia could see the moment her reactions to the day's events were reinterpreted into 'Olivia-speak'. That she had caused this. That Olivia had done something wrong and was to blame. It never failed to amaze Natalia how this charismatic woman could be so vulnerable and lacking in belief of her own value.

"I'm not mad at you, I was just. I was just so scared for you, for Emma and now...I'm just grateful you're both here, both safe. So don't go blaming yourself, okay? It was an accident and what you did; it was a very brave thing to do."

Olivia snorted, "Or stupid."

"It saved the life of your daughter; don't ever think that was dumb."

"There you go, saving me again," Olivia's hand came up to reach for Natalia's and Natalia noticed the wince that accompanied it.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore."

"Uh huh, well I'm not surprised. Would you like anything? I have your meds, I can go get them and..."

"Yeah sure, I need to take something," Her hand moved up to rub her forehead and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Are you hungry at all? Thirsty?"

"No, maybe some water. My mouth feels all..." she pulled a face and slapped her lips together a few times as if to illustrate her point.

"Here," a glass of water miraculously appeared in front of her, "would you like some help sitting up?"

"Um...yeah, I think that would be a good idea," Olivia attempted to brace herself with her elbows and lever herself forward, by now every ache was making its presence felt and she grimaced as she sat up, Natalia supporting her and helping with the glass.

"Thanks. I'd like to go check on Emma," Olivia made to sit up further and swung her legs around off the bed.

"Well, I can understand that but she's sleeping and you're..."

"Please. Help me."

The way Olivia sat on the edge of the bed and the tone in which she asked reminded Natalia of another time Olivia had asked for help. Actually _asked_ for help. And that time she'd said no and actually attempted to make a deal with her, bargaining with her, which the stubborn woman had not agreed to and had attempted to continue on her way on her own.

She had been helpless to refuse then, even though it had resulted in Olivia collapsing on the floor and scaring the wits out of her but this time... She knew she didn't have a choice.

"Okay. Let me help you put this nightshirt on and we'll go together."


	5. Chapter 5

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 5**

Emma's head peeked out from under her bedding, mouth hung slightly open as she enjoyed the slumber only children and the pure of heart seemed to enjoy.

After the incident earlier, where Natalia had re-assured her that both she and her mother were okay, Emma had trustingly turned over, yawned and dropped into an exhausted sleep.

Olivia stood in the doorway, taking in the sight of her world and smiled. A hand against her lower back began rubbing soothing circles and she turned towards Natalia standing close beside her.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" a suddenly smiling Natalia asked.

"Yes, she is," Olivia responded breathlessly and then turned to look back at her daughter. She wanted to bend down and kiss her but as it was taking all of her willpower at the moment to remain standing upright, she remained in the doorway. Weariness washed through her and she closed her eyes.

"Come on you; let's get you back to bed."

Olivia was sure if she'd had the energy, her eyebrow would be arching now.

~/\~

Natalia could feel the heat coming from Olivia as they stood together looking in on Emma. How the woman was still on her feet she'd never know but she did know this woman beside her would stop at nothing where her daughter was concerned. Above all else, whatever else Olivia might be or people might think, Emma was the one thing she believed she had done right.

Reaching out with her hand, she began to rub circles along Olivia's lower back, both to steady and to sooth the perceptively swaying woman.

As Emma seemed to smile in her sleep, she liked to think either the girl could feel her mother's presence or was having some marvellous dream where she was a princess and where, naturally, there were ducks. Natalia smiled at the thought.

"She's beautiful isn't she?"

"Yes, she is," said a voice next to her and she turned as Olivia looked back at Emma. It was then she noticed Olivia closing her eyes.

"Come on you; let's get you back to bed."

She began leading her back to her own room, Olivia dutifully following along before she stopped and whispered, "We're going the wrong way."

"Nah ah, we're not. You're going to sleep where I can keep an eye on you."

"I'm fine."

Natalia sighed. _Back to this again are we?_

"Olivia, please, don't fight me on this. Lord knows you fight me on nearly everything else," she rolled her eyes to soften the comment and smiled, "but...but I really think it would be better." She paused and took a breath, "I would feel better if you were close by."

Olivia looked at her, her eyes seeming to take in her every measure.

"Oh."

~/\~

Olivia didn't think she'd ever be so relieved to be sitting down again. Her side had begun to throb terribly and her shoulder went into spasm every time she moved her arm. Unable to resist the habit of scraping her hair back from her face, twin twinges pulled each side of her body and she silently chastised herself for her stupidity.

"I could sleep for a week." She announced.

Natalia turned from changing into her nightwear, "I'm not surprised. You want anything else, an icepack maybe or are you set?"

Even after the stupid hair incident, Olivia could not resist rubbing her forehead as if to ward off the headache she could feel coming, a side effect of the fatigue which now plagued her.

"Olivia?" Natalia was looking at her with concern.

"No, I'm okay. Just tired, thanks."

Not believing the answer but obviously accepting it, Natalia began to crawl under the covers. "Okay, well, good night."

Olivia slowly lowered herself back to the soft, welcome cushioning of the pillow, exhaled and perhaps not unsurprisingly, fell asleep.

~/\~

_Water. Lack of sound. No, that's not right, there is sound but it's muffled. Not muffled, it's like a seal over her ears; she's hearing her inner self, the dramatic drumbeat of her heart, the desperation of her internal voice but no breathing. There's no inhale, no exhale._

_She's underwater. Fear starts to course through her. She tries to open her eyes; it's murky, shadows, nothing distinct. She becomes aware of her body, arms flung out and drawn back in an attempt to keep her there, fixed to that point even as the water swirls around her and threatens to drag her away._

_Away from what?_

_There is need now, a need so powerful she wants to sob, to scream but that would mean certain death, trapped in this wall of water, flailing, futilely stretching out to clutch, to claw, reaching..._

_A shape. Indistinct, blurry. This shape has meaning._

_What does it mean?_

_Before she can extract an answer the shape begins to move away. Fading back, out of reach, almost gone._

_No! This isn't right...she begins to flail, her head wrenching from side to side, the need to scream now so great, so strong. The drumbeat has gotten louder, faster._

_No! No!_

Olivia lurched forward, heart hammering, attempting to gasp in a lungful of air but managing only short, staccato breaths. Her heart was racing, tearing away and out of control. One hand clawed at the bedclothes in an attempt to ground herself, while the other pressed against her chest as if to keep her wildly raging heart under control.

Natalia stirred beside her, "Olivia? What is it? What's wrong?"

"My heart...is racing and I...can't, it won't...slow down," she said.

~/\~

Natalia had been dreaming. She couldn't recall exactly what she was dreaming about but somewhere in the distance she was sure she could hear a 'puffing' sound and so naturally her brain, in the way that dreams do, associated that with a train. And so she was aware of a train that seemed to be very nearby.

There was something about this train. It was puffing very fast and somehow, through the synapses that were firing and allowing her to creatively sense this train, she was conscious that this train was a living thing. It had to be, because what she heard and sensed now wasn't the gentle 'chuff, chuff, chuff' of a little engine going about its business but a very distressed 'pant, pant, pant'. _Huh? _Even in dreamland, Natalia knew that trains didn't pant.

Something was wrong.

Gradually she pulled herself away from the strange, distressed train and noticed that even though she was becoming aware of her surroundings, the 'pant, pant, pant' was still audible to her ears.

"Olivia? What is it? What's wrong?"

"My heart...is racing and I...can't, it won't...slow down," she said.

Feeling her own heart lurch at these words, Natalia came wide awake and took in the woman beside her who clearly had panic in her eyes as she tried to control her breathing. Unsure what she should do, Natalia took Olivia's face in her hands and while looking her in the eye, ran her hands through her hair, stroking her scalp, much like she used to do to Rafe when he was young and a nightmare woke him.

Attempting to keep calm herself, Natalia slowed her own accelerated breathing, "Come on, with me now, breathe. I know you can do this. In, out, that's it, nice and slow."

She could see Olivia was trying to control her heaving chest as her heart beat wildly. She had no doubt that the fear this invoked had the undesired effect of making it speed up again. Talk about catch-22.

Gradually, Natalia could see Olivia begin to tune in to what she was saying. She moved her hand down to her back, supporting her and feeling like she'd managed to 'talk her down'.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

Olivia gulped and then groaned as she felt able to recline once more. Her hand draped over her eyes and she peaked out from underneath, "Sorry about that."

"What's to be sorry about? What happened?"

"I, I think I was dreaming, a nightmare I guess but...wow, haven't had that happen in a while."

"What? A nightmare?"

"Nooo," Olivia dragged out, "the feeling like my heart was going to burst out of my chest if I didn't get it to slow down."

"That's happened before? When?"

"When I stayed with Jeffrey."

"Oh. What caused it that time?"

"A nightmare."

"Oh."

By now they had both laid back, Natalia turned on her side, her head resting on her hand and looking at Olivia.

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah," she exhaled heavily again as if to convince herself she once again had control of her breathing. "I think so. Sorry for waking you up."

"Really not a problem. I think I was starting to dream about a train?"

Natalia's confused expression made Olivia chuckle and wince slightly, causing Natalia to begin a steady visual examination, studying Olivia.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Do this _every _day," she joked.

"Riiiight, sure."

"Unh..."

"What?"

"I am _really_ stiff."

"Well, we'll pop into that village in the morning, see if we can get an elastic bandage or something for your bruises. I think I read somewhere that pressure helps to reduce the blood flow. What do you think?"

"Uh huh," a mumbled reply came, "sounds go..."

And with that, Natalia watched Olivia fall back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 6**

There was a charming peacefulness to the following morning which contrasted heavily against the previous day. A warm shaft of sunlight filtered through the curtains and began to make its slow trek across the room. All occupants of the cabin had disinclined to be an early bird today.

Eventually, there was the rustling of bedclothes as someone shifted, the first vestiges of wakefulness cutting through the sleepy vista.

Natalia opened her eyes, blinked, rubbed her face and partook of one of those glorious early morning stretches which eked their way to toes and fingertips, unable to hold back a little squeal as she flexed muscles that had been held in repose all night.

She glanced over to see if she had awakened Olivia and saw she was lying on her back, one arm flung out over the side of the bed, the other wrapped over and behind her head. Natalia watched as she took the short inhale, heavy exhale breaths of sleep.

Thinking they could probably all do with some food this morning and realising that her bladder had also woken up; Natalia slipped carefully from the bed, grabbed her robe and crept from the room with one backward glance to check she had been successful in her stealth manoeuvres.

Happy that Olivia was still sleeping soundly, she quickly took care of nature's call and then detoured to check on Emma before heading to the kitchen.

Like her mother, Emma was still asleep. Natalia had to hold back a giggle though when delicate little snores could be heard coming from the young girl's mouth. Natalia bent down, kissed Emma on her head, pulled her covers more snugly around her and then left to begin the day.

The cabin had a nice kitchen. She dreamed of one day having a place like this, there was something so 'homey' about it, especially she realised with these two other people here. For the first time in a long time, Natalia had a feeling of family. With Rafe away and her working as hard as she was to keep up... If it hadn't been for yesterday's incident, this would have been perfection.

Shaking herself and refusing to dwell, Natalia did what she always did, looked to make do with what she had as best she could. This morning, that meant engaging in something she really enjoyed. Cooking.

Retrieving the various items she required and having put the coffee on to brew, Natalia lost herself in the act of preparing breakfast.

~/\~

The scent of coffee was beginning to permeate through the veil of sleep. With an almost exaggerated care, Olivia moved her arm from behind her head, flinching at the soreness and realising her arm had actually gone to sleep from being in that position for so long.

Begrudgingly trying to open her eyes she rolled her head to see if she was alone. _Yup, just me._

Pushing herself up on one elbow, she began to lever herself up into a sitting position. As her side protested, she lifted her nightshirt and looked down, eyes and fingers tentatively examining the already vibrant, angry looking bruise.

"Ouch," she stopped pulling at it.

Grabbing her robe from the end of the bed she stood, steadied herself and swallowed. She remembered back to the early days, after her transplant, when she had been released from Cedars and generally flopped around her hotel room at the Beacon, with no energy and very little will. Right now, she had the will but her energy was depleted. Even after finally sleeping through the night, it was as if she'd banked up just enough reserves to get her awake and conscious.

No headache though, so that was a plus but something didn't feel right and she couldn't work out what it was through the myriad of other sensations she was experiencing.

One finally stood out. How strong was nature's call.

Finding herself in the bathroom, she studied her face in the mirror, pulled on the flesh under her eyes, tucked back a lock of hair and considered she'd looked worse.

Other scents were beginning to join the smell of coffee.

Olivia moved to Emma's room.

"Good morning Sunshine," Olivia smiled.

"Mommy!"

"Did you sleep well?"

Emma now sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes. Olivia sat next to her and together they reached for each other to hug. Olivia squeezed and Emma squeezed back. Olivia gasped.

"What is it mom? Are you alright? Did I..."

"Shh...it's okay. Mommy's just got an 'owie' but she's okay. She's very, very happy to see you this morning," she dabbed Emma on her nose with her finger, "and to have this wonderful hug." She held her close again, although Emma seemed unconvinced she hadn't hurt her mother, she eventually responded with equal enthusiasm and joviality.

After a short tickle fest, with Olivia doing all of the tickling, Emma looked up and with such sincere eyes said, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

Olivia looked at her, went to speak but Emma continued, "I don't know what happened, I was just...we were trying to get out of the rain and," tears were starting to flow down Emma's face and Olivia couldn't bear it any longer.

"Shh...shh...it's alright, it doesn't matter," she pulled Emma towards her again and held her, kissing the top of her head and trying to comfort her, "it's not your fault, it was an accident."

The little girl hiccupped.

"You're safe, we're _all _safe. Okay?"

The head below her chin nodded up and down.

"What say you we get some breakfast, hm?"

Another nod.

Olivia pulled away from Emma and with a finger under her chin tilted the girl's head up to look directly in her eyes. "What is it Jellybean? What's wrong?"

The girl was obviously considering something; Olivia could almost see the conflicting thoughts across her child's face, behind her eyes.

"Are you _really _okay mom?"

Taking an honest approach, Olivia replied, "Well, I have a few cuts and bruises but they'll heal."

Emma started to look worried again.

"Hey, please don't worry Em, I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Obviously weighing up whether she believed the answer she'd received, Emma finally nodded acknowledgement, "Okay."

"Okay," Olivia smiled, "let's go find Natalia."

Together they headed hand in hand towards the kitchen.

~/\~

Domestic heaven, that's what Natalia was in. The table was laid, the food prepared, coffee ready to pour, all she needed was...

"Morning."

Olivia and Emma appeared at the door together.

"Hey. You're both up," she beamed, "I thought you two were going to sleep in _all _day."

Olivia pulled a shocked face and looked at Emma, "Did you hear that Em? I think Natalia is casting 'nasturtiums' at us."

Emma giggled, "Nastur...what?"

"Don't listen to her Emma, she means 'aspersions' and it's a great word for you to look up." Knowing Emma had been on a spelling kick lately and loved to look up words. She stuck her tongue out at Olivia as both Olivia and Emma took their seats at the table.

As Emma reached forward for one of the fluffy pancakes before her, there was a knock at the door.

They all looked at one another as if they hadn't heard right.

"Was that a...?" Olivia pointed towards the entranceway.

"Yeah, I wonder who that could be." Natalia queried as she moved around the table and headed for the door.

"Hello?" she said as she opened the door to see a well dressed, elderly lady standing there.

"Oh hello dear, I'm sorry to bother you but..."

"Nan, just _ask_," an impatient voice could be heard huffing and then a young girl's head appeared from behind what had to be her grandmother.

With a look of apology the elder woman started again, "We're in the cabin just down the river from here and my granddaughter, Jane, well...she noticed your daughter the other day playing near the river and..."

Natalia was ready to correct the lady's assumption on Emma's heritage when Olivia's voice called from behind her, "Who is it Natalia?"

The woman smiled, "My name is Ruth Blaxendale," she called back.

Natalia heard a chair moving back and turned to see Olivia standing up and heading to the door. Olivia smiled at the woman, "Hello Ruth, Olivia Spencer."

Natalia stepped back as Olivia's natural instinct to take charge of a situation kicked in, "Did I hear you mention something about my daughter?"

"Well, yes," Ruth looked from one woman to the other, briefly looking confused but continuing on as her granddaughter was still waiting impatiently behind her. "My granddaughter Jane saw her the other day and wondered if she would like to come over and play. There's not many children about her age so...?" There was a hopefulness to the question and Olivia looked at Natalia before looking back to Ruth and responding.

"I'm sure she would love it but..."

"I know that it's out of the blue," the other woman interrupted, "and I can understand in this day and age you may have some reservations. I mean, you don't know me but I can give you my word she would be looked after and watched. Heaven knows with this river nearby, I'm always having kittens about where Jane's got to."

At this, Natalia noticed Olivia react, her eyes closing as if to shut the images away. She stepped forward, her hand once more upon Olivia to offer support, "I think it sounds a wonderful idea Mrs Blaxendale and I'm sure you mean well..."

"Hi," came another voice, cutting across Natalia's gentle put down.

"Hi, have you seen the oak tree yet?"

"No, why?"

"Oh wow, you _have_ to see this tree, it's so gnarly looking and I swear, it watches you wherever you go."

"Really?" Emma giggled.

"Yeah and..."

It seemed as if the decision was being taken away from them as Emma once again demonstrated her ability to make friends anywhere.

"Mom? Can I go play with Jane today?" a very hopeful Emma asked, bouncing on her toes unable to contain her unending energy and exuberance. Beside her, Jane looked equally eager.

Olivia nodded, knowing the battle was fought and lost. "But you be _very _careful okay? And do as you're told for Mrs Blaxendale."

"I will, I promise," Emma beamed at Ruth and then realising she was still in her pajamas, dashed back into the cabin calling over her shoulder, "Give me a sec!"

The three women stood waiting in the doorway, with Jane eagerly bouncing in place and beaming.

"Let me give you my cell number just in case," Olivia began to look around for pen and paper.

"I promise you she'll be fine, thank you for agreeing to this. Jane is a delightful child but I think she gets lonely."

"Right, here we go," Olivia handed over her number, "We're planning to head into the village this morning but we'll be back around lunchtime."

"Could Emma stay for lunch?"

They could hear the sound of Emma rushing back towards the door.

"Sure, okay. Thank you Mrs Bl..."

"Please, call me Ruth. And thank you again for agreeing to this." She handed back her own contact details and looked at the two girls, heads together, already mapping out their day.

"Bye Emma, take care!"

"I will mom," Emma said as she quickly turned back, hugged both Olivia and Natalia in turn and then grinning, ran off with her new friend.

"Have fun," Olivia smirked to Ruth who just rolled her eyes knowingly. "Bye."

They watched them all disappear from view before closing the door and looking at each other, "Coffee?"

"Oh god, yes!" Olivia responded and they headed back to the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 7**

Sat back at the kitchen table sipping coffee, Olivia's groan was one of satisfaction. "I needed that." She looked out the window and back at Natalia, "Don't you just love how that daughter of mine can be here one minute and gone the next?"

"Well, you still want to head up to that village today don't you? I'm sure Emma would've been bored."

"Hmm, you're probably right, wouldn't hurt to pick up a couple of supplies." Olivia pulled back the shoulder of her nightshirt and attempted to peel back the bandage to take a look. A hand lightly smacked hers away as Natalia admonished, "Leave that alone."

"What? I just wanted to take a look." Olivia pouted.

"It's best if you leave it as it is. Have you had enough for breakfast?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks."

"You haven't really had a lot." Natalia was studying her again.

"I'm just not that hungry." Olivia didn't know why she was getting defensive, she just felt a little 'off' in all honesty but she'd caused enough worry as it was and they actually had some sort of plan today so she wasn't going to be the one to scupper it.

"Really, I'm sure after we've been out and I've had some fresh air, I'll be eating like there's no tomorrow." She brightened as a possibility hit her, "We could get some snacks," she grinned.

"Uh huh, you and your snacks."

"I think you underestimate the goodness of snacks." She watched as Natalia began to clear away the breakfast things and began to get up to help.

"No, no, you stay there or go get ready or something. I'll do these," she shooed Olivia away.

"I'm not helpless you know."

"I know but...I'm kinda enjoying myself here." It was true, Olivia could see just by looking at her that the woman was totally in her element and frankly, if it meant not having to do chores, Olivia was not going to complain.

"In that case I'm going to go get ready. I have a feeling it may take me a little longer than usual anyway."

"Do you want some help?"

"Um, no I don't think so. If I get stuck..." she made the universal hand gesture for making a call, grinned and left the room.

~/\~

"Okay, I can do this," Olivia assured herself as she began the painful process of attempting to put a blouse on. She was going to wear a t-shirt originally and then gave up when she realised, having gone through the torture of removing the nightshirt, that however she attempted to put it on, it meant twisting herself in ways she'd presently rather not.

After a quick shower, she was hopeful she was going to feel more 'with it' but there was something that still didn't feel right to her. _Maybe I'm just bent outta shape by that river ride yesterday. Oh look at me, starting to lighten up on the whole thing. Yay me._

She was still pondering the progress she'd made and trying to determine what was niggling her when Natalia entered the room.

"Hi, you ready to go?" Natalia as ever looked dimpled and perky.

"Ah hah, as ready as I'll ever be, I'll, uh...I'll go wait in the lounge."

"'kay, I'll be out in a bit."

Olivia grabbed the rest of her things and went to wait.

~/\~

The journey into the village took nearly half an hour, mainly spent listening to the radio as it belted out classic 80's tracks and advised of various deals to be had at many major outlets and small holdings. The village itself was small and was serviced by, what appeared to be, one gas station that had branched into a mini-mart-cum-one-stop for everything.

Looking at each other warily with regards their surroundings, Olivia found herself relieved that Emma had managed to obtain a playmate for the day.

"You're sure this is the only place?" Olivia inquired.

"Unless you want to travel a lot further on, then yes."

"How much further?"

"Oh come on, it's not _that_ bad." Natalia unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Uh huh, sure, fine."

They both climbed out of the car and entered the shop, a small bell 'tinging' as they passed through the door. Olivia made a bee-line for the various snacks while Natalia headed for the pharmacy area to find a suitable wrap, some icepacks and other various items to replenish some of the first aid kit supplies.

"And what do we have here then?" a man's voice, close to Natalia's ear. She could feel her ear burn and wondered if the heat of his breath was proportional to the smell.

She turned and backed away, glaring at him for startling her. It was then she noticed the young man was not alone and had a couple of friends with him.

"Can I help you with something?" she queried. Her heart was beating rapidly and she wondered if this was how Olivia had felt.

"Well now, that depends," he attempted to grin in what to him was probably meant to be a charming way but to Natalia appeared lascivious. He turned back to look at his friends as their mere presence egged him on. He leant forward, bracing himself on one arm and effectively trapping Natalia against the shelving.

"Natalia? Did you see where they..." Olivia rounded the corner of the fixture and walked into the developing situation. Within seconds, she'd sized up what was going on. She saw the fear in Natalia's eyes, the arrogance in the mans and feeling her adrenaline surge and spike, she moved further forward putting herself between Natalia and the young and obviously foolish hick

"Do we have a problem boys?" her eyebrow was in full arch at the question.

It was a ploy that normally would have worked but Olivia hadn't taken into account quite how stupid this particular young man was and how dependent he was on the approval and loyalty of his 'friends'.

Feeling how the situation was slipping from his control, as this new woman appeared to have a lot more fire than his earlier prey and wanting to save face, he reacted in an almost childlike manner and pushed Olivia with enough force that she fell backwards into the pharmacy shelves.

Boxes of creams, pastes and pills were flying in all directions, a cacophony of sound erupted accompanied by Natalia's startled scream, the yell of the young boys, the pounding of their feet running from the scene and a painful grunt from Olivia who, having slammed into the shelves was now sliding down to the floor.

"Olivia! My god, are you..." Natalia reached down and attempted to help Olivia up.

By now the store clerk had appeared as well and was asking them if they needed any help.

For the most part, Olivia was feeling embarrassed. Not only did she hurt like hell but the outcome of the altercation had taken her completely by surprise. She usually went into situations having some idea of how they'd end up but this, this was unexpected. The embarrassment was turning to anger and she pushed the helping hands away and gradually hauled herself to her feet on her own.

"Do we have everything that we want?" Olivia asked, keen to get out of the shop.

There was a pause before she heard Natalia reply, "Yeah, I'll just go get these. Do you want to wait in the car?"

Olivia nodded and without looking back, attempting to regain in her mind some dignity, passed through the 'tinging' door again and settled herself in the car to wait.

~/\~

Natalia stood at the cash desk; constantly looking out to the car Olivia was sitting in, and paid for their items. After apologising for the mess, even though the store owner had said it wasn't their fault for what seemed like the hundredth time, she made her way back out to the car and buckled herself in.

Turning to look at Olivia, she saw the elder woman with her head resting against the window, eyes closed. Natalia wasn't sure what that meant. _What? She doesn't want to talk to me? Is that it?_

For some reason she was feeling so mad right now. She didn't know if she was mad at herself, mad at Olivia for putting herself in harm's way like that or mad at the young boys who really should have better things to do with their time than to intimidate passing strangers but she was definitely mad.

The wall of silence that seemed to have come up around Olivia was thick, presently impenetrable.

Natalia continued to fume.

In fact, the quieter it was, the angrier she seemed to get.

After about fifteen minutes of silence she finally couldn't take it anymore.

"What on earth were you thinking of in there?" she demanded. Taking her eyes from the road to glance over to the brooding woman she saw Olivia's eyes slowly open and turn to her.

"Well? What on earth were you trying to prove?" she could feel her ire gaining steam.

"I..." a bewildered voice began.

"No. I'm sorry Olivia but the situation was under control," her emphatic appraisal was met with a snort.

"Sure, that's what it was."

"If you hadn't stormed in there all, 'do we have a problem boys'," she mocked Olivia, "they would've eventually just given up and walked away."

"And what if they hadn't? What if they hadn't given up?" Olivia was starting to sit up more now and Natalia noticed a flush in Olivia's cheeks.

Natalia turned the car onto the road leading up to the cabin. "I guess we'll never know will we because Olivia Spencer, hero to the people had to step in and 'save the day'."

The hurt look in Olivia's eyes made Natalia pause but by now her anger was running full steam ahead. She didn't have the wherewithal to recognise, this wasn't anger, this was fear. She'd been terrified when that yob had pushed Olivia away. So shocked she'd just stood there. Twice now she'd stood on the sidelines while Olivia had acted.

The car stopped at the cabin and Natalia angrily unbuckled her seatbelt and stormed out of the car, slamming the door and moving towards the cabin.

She heard the other car door eventually open as she struggled to steady her hand to enter the key in the cabin door. Turning she saw Olivia slowly make her way towards her.

"What? Not so keen to rush in now?" she felt the need to keep jabbing, trying to find a way to express her anger and ending up with petty attacks that felt like picking at a scab, unproductive and painful.

"Natalia, I..." Olivia's legs seemed to buckle and she was falling, landing on her knees before leaning forward and starting to retch.

~/\~

Olivia couldn't wait to get into the car. She was humiliated, how could she have made such a fool of herself, charging in like some knight in armour.

The car was hot but the bucket seat wrapped around her and seemed to support all her aches and pains, old and new. She'd hurt herself in the fall, she knew that. When she'd impacted with the shelving, she'd felt pain run up and down her body.

She clenched her fists and tried to control her breathing. She looked over to the store and saw Natalia anxiously glancing out to the car while she waited to pay for their things. All Olivia wanted to do was shut her eyes, relax, and take something.

By the time she heard the other car door open and close, Olivia had found some comfort in the coolness of the window and had rested her head against it trying to sleep and quell the nausea she could feel rising up within her. She wasn't sure she was going to make it back to the cabin, maybe if she kept her eyes shut. _Breathe, that's it._

She felt like she was starting to get control of her roiling stomach again when Natalia seemed to start in on her with an icy blast of anger. Trying to work up a response without bringing up anything else, she slowly opened her eyes in the hope that focusing on Natalia would have the dream effect of both calming the smouldering, seething woman down and soothing her own nerves.

"I..." That was as far as she got before she felt the need to clench and clamp down on her jaw for fear of losing her meagre breakfast that morning.

Natalia was saying something about things being under control and currently feeling like nothing was under control Olivia managed to snort out, "Sure, that's what it was."

Somehow Natalia's anger was not abating. It seemed to Olivia that she was enjoying this, her own anger now rising along with her stomach, "And what if they hadn't? What if they hadn't given up?"

Olivia sat up a bit now, she was sure that blood was trying to redistribute itself around her body and she could feel the uncomfortable prickles of cold sweat breaking out as she tried once again to control her rebelling stomach.

Through the fog, Olivia could hear Natalia chiding her about 'saving the day' and then the angry release of a belt buckle and a slamming door. She waited. She knew she wouldn't be able to stand at the moment, she gave herself a little more time and then slowly opened the door.

Hand on the car hood as she made her way around the front of the car, Olivia tried to take steadying breaths, anything to stop the inevitable, anything to prevent...

Natalia's voice, even though it seemed to be a million miles away, radiated hurt.

Her vision tunnelling, the dread sense of water at the back of her throat, Olivia collapsed to her knees while calling to her friend and began to empty the contents of her stomach.


	8. Chapter 8

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 8**

Abandoning her anger and her bag at the door, Natalia ran back to where her distressed friend was on hands and knees violently retching. As she reached her, Olivia drew in a momentary breath, before leaning forward again on shaking arms to dispel another forceful stream of vomit. A whimpering sound came from Olivia as she attempted to sit back and wipe her mouth, hopeful that the worst was over.

Natalia could see the sheen of perspiration on her forehead as she knelt next to her, desperate to help, conscious there was little she could do. She placed her hand on Olivia's back and softly rubbed up and down.

A moment passed and then she could see Olivia's stomach starting to heave again, her lurch forward to now dispel little more than liquid.

"God," Olivia groaned, spat, and wiped her mouth once again with a shaking hand.

"Do you think you can stand?" Natalia asked after another moment had passed.

Eyes closing, a brief nod of the head, Olivia began to get her legs under her. Natalia wrapped her arm around her and began leading her back to the cabin, pausing briefly to pick up their bag of things, she guided Olivia inside. "Do you want to lie down?"

Jaw clenched and shaking her head, Olivia suddenly pulled away from her and dashed to the bathroom. Natalia could hear the tell-tale sounds of more gagging, liquid striking liquid, flushing, ragged breaths and muted whimpering and she had to quell her own urge to throw up.

Collecting a glass of water she entered the bathroom to find Olivia kneeling on the floor, head bent over and resting on her arms in a mock version of prayer. She put the glass down and picked up a washcloth, ran it under the tap and knelt next to her friend again.

"Olivia," she said softly.

Olivia turned her head to look pathetically at her.

"Here," she handed Olivia the glass of water and proffered the wet flannel.

As Olivia sat up and took the glass with still shaking fingers, Natalia moved forward and wiped around Olivia's face. Olivia took a small sip, seemingly grateful for the respite from her body's betrayal, rinsed her mouth and spat into the bowl. Natalia could see Olivia's eyes shining with unshed tears.

"How're you doing?"

Olivia looked unsteady but nodded, "Just give me a minute." She shut her eyes again, "Can't be much more."

They waited together, sat on the bathroom floor, as Olivia carefully sipped from the water glass. Natalia was at the point of suggesting they move somewhere more comfortable when Olivia reached for the toilet bowl again and began another string of retching, this time clearly purging herself of the water she'd just ingested.

"Do you want me to call a doctor?" Natalia asked, once again trying to comfort her friend.

Rigorously shaking her head no, Olivia appeared to be getting angry with herself and her predicament, "I'll be okay in minute."

The bowl was flushed again. Olivia seemed to be corralling her will, gathering her strength and moved to stand on unsteady legs. "Let me just go lie down," she breathed.

"Okay," agreed Natalia, "but I _will _call a doctor, Olivia, _if _this continues. Something's obviously wrong."

They were making their way back to the double room, Natalia's insistence clearly agitating her charge.

"It's just an upset stomach, nothing more. Please don't read more into this, okay?"

Natalia was not convinced as they approached the bedroom.

"You've been through a lot the last couple of days. It probably wouldn't hurt to..."

She was cut off by a snapping, "_Please_. Please just let me lay here for a bit."

Natalia stepped back and studied her again. _Fine, we'll do this your way for the moment._

"Did you want some help changing into something comfier?"

With obvious effort, Olivia began sliding off her jeans and then she fell back onto the bed and curled in on herself in a foetal position, eyes closing, whispering, "Just wanna lay here..."

Natalia watched her for a long time, until she noticed Olivia's breathing had deepened and evened out, then she turned and left her to sleep.

~/\~

From the moment her knees had hit the ground she could feel the rising sensation of bile, forcibly racing to discharge itself from her. Taking advantage of the brief moment to breathe, she was unprepared when her stomach muscles tightened again, the sensation of self control dropped away from her and another stream of sick was ejected. Swallowing convulsively, she sat back.

She hated being sick. She hated that since her diagnosis all those months ago, all she'd been was sick. That in its self sickened her.

She became aware of a hand on her back, calming her. She wiped her mouth but knowing the signs now, could feel another round of gagging upon her and was helpless as she fell forward once again to go through the detested motions for nothing more than watery liquid.

"God," she groaned. If there were truly any in heaven, then she must not be in their favour. She spat and wiped her mouth again.

Natalia was saying something about standing. _Sure, moving indoors seems like a great idea. Just gotta get myself together here_.

Nodding her head in answer, she was immensely grateful for the arm wrapped around her, practically dragging her back to the cabin. She was aware of stepping inside into the coolness, Natalia's query about laying down but most of all the urgent need to throw up again. Clamping down on her jaw for fear of not making it to the bathroom in time, she pulled away and ran for the toilet bowl.

Disbelieving there could be anything more to come up, she was amazed when another stream of liquid struck the water in the bowl with force. Flushing, she pulled away from the bowl and unsure where to put herself she leaned forward onto her arms, unable to prevent yet another whimper from escaping.

She could hear the sound of a tap running and her name being called.

She turned and looked at Natalia, offering her water. She took the glass, grateful for the opportunity to rinse her mouth out and welcomed the sensation of a wet cloth being dabbed gently around her face. She felt dirty and annoyingly helpless again. Her eyes brimming with frustrated tears.

"How're you doing?"

She just needed a minute, couldn't be much more could there?

Thinking the worst was over now, she sat, shoulder to shoulder with Natalia, carefully sipping from the glass. Amazed this woman beside her, who only a short time ago was shouting at her, was still here.

Too soon to rejoice it seemed as her stomach contracted again and the movement, which seemed to require every muscle in her body to be involved, rid itself of the last few sips of water. Concerned she was starting to dry heave and unable to stop the convulsive spasms of her stomach, the hand at her back again reminded her Natalia was there. Not alone. Natalia was suggesting she should call a doctor.

_No_. She tried to communicate, "Let me just go lie down." She was exhausted. She wanted nothing but oblivion at that moment but she stood albeit unsteadily.

They were moving now and Natalia was being insistent again. Olivia found herself trying to reason but for some reason she didn't feel like she was getting through and really, all she wanted was to lay down.

"_Please_!" she wanted to beg, "Please just let me lay here for a bit."

Natalia was asking her about getting comfier, she couldn't argue with that and with the almost sullen actions of a teenage child, removed her jeans.

The bed was comfy, her body was one big bruise that had been pulled through the wringer and she desperately wanted to close her eyes. As she drew her knees in and attempted to find a position that didn't upset her stomach more she felt she was still trying to negotiate a deal, "Just wanna lay here..."

Then, mercifully, for the moment she knew no more.

~/\~

Natalia was of two minds. In fact she was of two minds about many things but at the moment there were two in particular. One concerned whether or not she should phone for a doctor, regardless of what Olivia might want. She reasoned with herself that it wasn't unusual for Olivia to not take the best care of herself and to disregard medical instructions but then, she reasoned, even if they did consult a doctor, would Olivia follow that advice anyway?

Then she began to think that, yes she would because after all that's why _she_ was there wasn't it? To make sure that Olivia lived and did all the right things when it came to her health. She was aware enough of her role as caregiver but she also knew it was more than that, she genuinely cared.

Something about this woman _made _her care.

So, should she ring or shouldn't she?

Then a voice spoke up and asked the question of, _who_ would she ring? There had to be a medical area around here somewhere but how likely was it that they made 'cabin' calls. And if it meant travelling to a facility, would it really be fair to Olivia to put her through a journey like that, feeling how she obviously did, when Olivia had said she was going to be fine?

_Arrghh! Please God, I need some guidance._

While she left question number one running in the background of her mind, she began to ponder question number two; what to do about Emma?

She was sure that Olivia wouldn't want Emma to see her, especially being so blatantly obviously sick, when the woman had tried to hide something as serious as the after effects of her heart transplant from the little girl.

But then there was the thought that maybe, having her daughter there might actually make Olivia feel better.

_No, I think she'd want Emma away from this; she's having fun and that's what Olivia would want for her._

Having reasoned to herself at least one decision, she could think of an ideal solution but was unsure if it would work.

Finding the contact details Olivia had obtained earlier, Natalia picked up the phone and dialled Mrs Blaxendale.

The phone picked up on the third ring.

"Hello? Mrs Blaxendale?"

"Yes."

"Oh hi, this is Natalia Rivera, Olivia Spencer's friend; you have her daughter Emma with you."

"Oh hello Ms Rivera. We do! Wonderful child, Jane is having a ball, they both are."

"That's wonderful, I'm glad they're enjoying themselves." She paused to gather up the nerve to ask her favour.

"Is there something wrong Ms Rivera?"

"No," Natalia tried to quickly reassure but then sighed and said, "Yes actually there is. Olivia, Emma's mother, she's..."

"What is it?"

"She's taken unwell and..."

"Ah, I see, is everything alright? Is there something I can do?"

"Well, I was hoping you would be able to look after Emma for a little bit longer?"

"My goodness, of course we can my dear. Would it help if...now I don't want to overstep here but, would it help if we had Emma over for a sleepover? I know Jane would be absolutely thrilled to bits."

Natalia's sigh of relief was almost palpable. "Oh, Mrs Blaxendale, you have no idea how helpful that would be. Is Emma there?"

"They're out in the garden at the moment. Would you like me to get her?"

"No, no, that's fine. Would you let Emma know and if she wants to ring or come back, I'll come and get her. I don't want her to be worried."

"Naturally my dear."

There was a pause.

"Are you alright Ms Rivera, you sound a little upset?"

"It's Natalia, please and no, I'm fine. I'm just worried about Olivia. We," Natalia sighed, "We've had a rough few days and..." Natalia couldn't prevent the sniffle.

"Well, you must call me Ruth dear and I'm sure Olivia will be okay. Don't forget you need to take care of yourself as well?" The other woman's voice was strangely reassuring after the scares of the last few days.

"I will Ruth. Thank you so much for taking Emma for us."

"Not a problem. If you need me for anything, I'm not that far away."

"Thank you, really, we really appreciate this."

They hung up and with one concern taken care of, Natalia turned to go back to the bedroom to face yet another.


	9. Chapter 9

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 9**

Still was good, stillness was very good. In fact it was close to nirvana. For the past while Olivia had found herself gradually squirming around in the bed searching for that one position to lie in that would not offend either her bruising or her still protesting, grumbling stomach.

She'd managed to remain in the same position now for what must've been at least ten minutes when, irritatingly, her nose began to itch. It was a tossup really as to which would be more satisfying, to maintain her comfortable, virtually pain free state or to give in and scratch the damn thing already.

The nose won.

Extricating her arm from underneath her where she'd managed to trap it, she scratched at her nose, rubbed her face and attempted to burrow her way back into the pillows to recapture the feeling of stillness again. No such luck, her stomach rebelled.

Caught in that awful sensation of knowing if she was just sick again she'd feel so much better, Olivia levered herself upright with urgency and found a convenient bowl beside the bed to disgorge more liquid in and amazingly, did feel better for it.

"Hey," came a soft voice from the door. "Thought I heard you moving around in here."

"Yeah," Olivia flopped back to the bed and immediately regretted the pull at her side.

"Do you need anything?"

Rolling her eyes and sighing Olivia groaned, "A new body?"

"Tsk, there's nothing wrong with the old one."

"Hey, less of the old, although I do _feel_ about a hundred."

"Is your stomach any better?" Natalia moved into the room and sat on the other side of the bed.

"I thought so but apparently not quite yet." She waved her hand in the vague direction of the bowl she'd just used.

"Oh let me get rid of that," Natalia leapt up and moved around to collect the bowl.

Olivia could have been mortified that this woman seemed to be dealing with the disgustingness of her current predicament but frankly, at this time she was utterly appreciative.

As Natalia left to empty the bowl Olivia snuggled in again in hopes of recapturing the original position. Her side had definitely woken up.

Putting her hand to it, she could feel the heat from the injury.

"Would you like an icepack on that?" Natalia was watching her from the door again, cleaned bowl in hand. "I brought it back, just in case."

"Thanks. And yes, at this point I'll try _anything_."

It was Natalia's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"But I _don't_ need a doctor." She stuck her tongue out to emphasise her point.

"Okay, let me go grab one and I'll be back."

A short time later, following the sounds of rummaging and doors opening and closing in the kitchen, Natalia returned with the icepack and the elastic bandage.

"It says you should only apply for a maximum of thirty minutes," she read from the label as she strode back into the room.

"Really?"

"Uh huh, don't want you getting frost bite as well do we?"

Natalia lifted Olivia's shirt and applied the pack to her bruise.

Olivia inhaled sharply and then closed her eyes in relief.

"Better?"

Olivia could only nod as the icepack began to do its job of numbing the offending area.

~/\~

About half an hour had passed since Natalia had last checked in on Olivia, the patient turning in bed as if still trying to find a comfortable place to lie.

She'd spent the time getting something to eat, although her appetite was small, and thumbing through some magazines, all while keeping an ear out, straining to hear any sounds coming from the bedroom.

She was 'rewarded' a further twenty minutes and one really inane article later, with the sound of Olivia quite obviously making use of the bowl she'd left beside the bed 'just in case'.

Standing up, she moved towards the bedroom, attempting to school her features into an expression that didn't show the worry she'd been trying to quash for what felt like forever.

"Hey, thought I heard you moving around in here."

Olivia slumped back down onto the bed and unsuccessfully concealed the wince the move caused. After attempting to joke about the state of her body, Natalia tried to cover up the blush she could feel blooming at her response by moving into the room and sitting on the other side of the bed.

Looking down into Olivia's eyes she asked, "Is your stomach any better?"

There was almost a regal nature to the way Olivia waved her hand towards the bowl that clearly indicated not quite yet. "Oh let me get rid of that," Scrunching up her nose, she quickly picked up the bowl and left the room.

Trying not to inhale as she emptied the bowl in the bathroom and began to clean it, Natalia looked at her reflection in the mirror and considered she wasn't doing too bad a job of hiding her present emotional state. Having been able to talk to Olivia for a bit, even that small amount of dialogue, had set her at ease.

Happy that Olivia seemed to be getting better, she returned to the bedroom to find her prodding at her bruise again.

"Would you like an icepack on that?"

Returning the bowl, Natalia could feel her worry rise up a notch as Olivia professed to being willing to try anything but before Natalia could even suggest a doctor again, she was shot down. _Did she just stick out her tongue? She can be so...so...exasperating! Stubborn, childish..._

The list undoubtedly could go on but she had a new mission now which was to collect the icepack from the kitchen. Grabbing the necessary articles, including the elastic bandage, she began reading the label for instructions of use.

"It says you should only apply for a maximum of thirty minutes," she read from the label as she strode back into the room.

Olivia seemed surprised.

Carefully lifting Olivia's shirt out of the way, Natalia could feel the heat radiating off the bruise and tenderly placed the icepack on it. Glancing up as Olivia reacted to the application, she watched Olivia's eyes close, "Better?"

There was a nod and Natalia gave in to her need to touch and swept her hand over Olivia's forehead. She could feel the heat there and she tried to determine if this was another symptom or whether it was just warm in the room.

Using the back of hand, she stroked down the side of Olivia's face.

"Olivia?"

"Hm?"

"Are you warm at all?"

A slight shake of the head.

Okay, well Natalia knew she'd just applied an icepack to the woman so it was possible she wasn't feeling warm at the moment but where Olivia had seemed to be quite pale after her collapse earlier, she now had high colour.

"Would you like to have the bandage on? Constriction around a bruise is supposed to help but I don't know how that's going to feel if your stomach's still upset."

Seeming to consider the options, Olivia shook her head, "No, I um, I think I'll just stick with the icepack for a bit and then I'm going to lay down again. But thank you."

Noting her complexion again, Natalia casually took hold of Olivia's wrist and felt for her pulse.

"What're you doing?"

Pulling her hand away in a guilty reaction and then feeling foolish for doing so, Natalia responded, "I wanted to make sure you're as well as you claim to be."

"Me? I could go fifteen rounds."

Natalia quirked her eyebrow at the evident false bravado and Olivia finished with, "Of Frere Jacques – easy, no problem. Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques..."

"Uh huh, I'm starting to think you're becoming delusional," Natalia cut in before the complete round could be sung.

"Everyone's a critic."


	10. Chapter 10

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 10**

Thinking that she would've napped longer, the icepack actually had the effect of making Olivia feel wider awake. In fact, for the first time in some hours she was starting to feel like doing something, _anything_ other than continue to lay about.

Convincing Natalia that this was the way to go took a little while but Olivia thought that secretly Natalia was relieved to leave the confines of the room and start to enjoy their time away again.

They'd subsequently sat outside on the porch bench, Olivia almost packed in by some cushions they'd taken from the couch to continue to ease her side and back, and spent the time drawn into discussion about some upcoming events at the Beacon. This eventually turned into general chatter about some of the more unusual guests and their requests at the hotel before segueing into the unusual residents of Springfield.

Olivia knew from the supposedly surreptitious glances Natalia threw her way, she was still worried about her but for the moment, she had managed to remain still and that had helped enormously to quell any residual nausea.

As the late afternoon changed into early evening, Olivia became aware that for the past ten minutes or so she could feel a buzzing returning to her head indicating the possible onset of a headache and a niggling ache in her limbs. She was beginning to dread the moment Natalia suggested they move back indoors.

"Olivia? What are you thinking over there?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing," she pulled the blanket closer around her shoulders.

"Are you cold?"

"Not so much."

"Maybe we should go in?"

Olivia shuddered. Now that she thought about it she was cold. The shudder had not gone unnoticed.

"Hey," Olivia looked up into compassionate brown eyes, "let's take this indoors. I think you've had enough fresh air for today."

Unable to resist the dimpled smile which followed, Olivia began extricating herself from the various cushions holding her in place. The icepack_ had_ worked wonders but her side still felt stiff. Along with the fall she'd had earlier that day back onto some shelving, let alone the trauma her body had been through trying to divest its self of whatever she'd managed to ingest, it was difficult to avoid the grimacing groan that accompanied her unsteady rise from the bench.

A hand on her arm steadied her.

"Whoa...head rush."

"Take a minute, no hurry."

A comforting hand on her back.

"You know, this is starting to become a little irksome," she said with exasperation and pulled the blanket around her again before taking one step in front of the other and moving back into the cabin.

"It's the body's way. You just need to be patient."

"Ug, I don't do patient. I want to be hale and hearty again, I have businesses to conquer and something or other to vanquish."

"To vanquish eh? Is that covered in the quarterly budgets?"

They'd reached indoors and Olivia moved to sit at the kitchen table to watch Natalia prepare some food.

"Sure it is and if it isn't well, I'll just go and rob some small children of their piggybanks and secure my reputation."

Natalia chuckled, "Their piggybanks."

"Yup."

"You're silly."

"I'm delusional, what're you gonna do?" Their eyes held and then Natalia asked, "Would you like me to make you something to eat?"

"Maybe some toast." She pulled the blanket further around her and slumped forward a little against the table.

Natalia looked at her closely again and smoothed her hand over Olivia's brow, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

"Are you still cold?"

"Little bit, yeah." She sighed heavily as if all her energy had been expended on the short walk from the bench.

"What?" a gentle enquiring voice, "What is it? Tell me."

Olivia closed her eyes, "I..." she blew out another breath, "I just feel so drained, heavy, like I did after the surgery. I don't know what's going on with me." She could feel her eyes starting to brim with frustrated tears.

"Oh, Olivia," Natalia pulled her into a hug, mindful of her bruises and stroked her hair, "It's going to be okay."

Olivia nodded against her shoulder, clinging on for all the world to her lifeline that was Natalia.

~/\~

Natalia had really enjoyed their afternoon together. Once Olivia had left the bedroom and been propped up on the bench they'd engaged in an entertaining discussion, touching briefly on some business plans before recollecting some of their more colourful clientele and learning that Olivia had an uncanny knack of being able to impersonate not only those quirky customers but also members of the Springfield community.

All the while they were talking though Natalia could not help but continually evaluate Olivia's wellbeing. She'd been shocked and then angry with herself for not noticing how marked Olivia had been after the incident earlier that morning and was considering ways to apply icepacks to the majority of Olivia's black and blue upper body that wouldn't involve the discomfort of an ice bath.

Since kicking herself for that oversight, she was almost hyperaware of everything Olivia did and was therefore disconcerted to see a look wash over Olivia's face telling her something Olivia never would.

"Olivia? What are you thinking over there?"

A typical 'nothing' response came back and she noticed the blanket being pulled around shoulders.

"Are you cold?"

Another negative response but by now Natalia had already made her mind up, she wasn't happy with what she was seeing and suggested they should go in. When a shudder was her only feedback that time, Natalia was resolute, "Hey, let's take this indoors. I think you've had enough fresh air for today."

She watched as her friend levered herself up from the bench and tried to cover her swaying by exclaiming a head rush. Instantly her hand was out to steady her, imploring her to take her time. Not advice Olivia wanted to hear it seemed and Natalia felt for the distraught woman beside her, unable to progress things at a pace she could control.

There was that blanket again, being tightly pulled around her.

When Olivia lowered herself into one of the kitchen chairs, Natalia slipped naturally into happy domestic mode and began to move around the kitchen to prepare something to eat, all while half listening to her friend deliver a line of character self defamation.

Chuckling and thinking they'd gotten to the point of agreeing on something to eat, Natalia watched Olivia tug at the blanket again and slump in her seat. Stepping towards her she wiped her hand over Olivia's brow and tucked her hair back, "Are you still cold?"

"Little bit, yeah."

The heavy sigh that followed had her concern rising again and she knelt next to the seated woman, "What? What is it? Tell me."

Olivia's eyes had closed and as she blew out another breath a confession came forth, "I just feel so drained, heavy, like I did after the surgery. I don't know what's going on with me."

Bright watery eyes looked at her and Natalia could hold back no longer, pulling her into a careful hug, "It's going to be okay."

She could feel Olivia clinging to her and nod her understanding, her agreement. Then Natalia realised Olivia felt warm, very warm. She pulled back, watched as Olivia wiped her eyes and tucked her hair back again, before reaching up again and feeling her brow once more.

"What is it?" Olivia asked, obviously perplexed by Natalia's expression of concern.

"Olivia, I think you should go lie down again. I'll bring some food through in a minute." She stood up, went to the fridge and brought back a bottle of water, "Here, I want you to sip this, try to drink as much as you can but don't hurry it okay?"

"Why? What's going on?"

"I'm worried you might have a temperature, you think you're cold but..." she placed her hand on Olivia's forehead again and then moved it down to cup her face. "Please, trust me on this okay?"

Hesitation and then a resignation as Olivia's head fell forward and she stood up from the chair. "'kay, I'll go," she shuffled out the door with her bottle.

Natalia watched her for a moment and then hurried to make some toast, convinced that this wasn't over yet, not by a long shot.


	11. Chapter 11

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 11**

Olivia really hadn't known what to think when Natalia went all bossy on her and practically commanded her to... no, that wasn't fair. She hadn't commanded her but there was still a sense of desperation that her will be obeyed and Olivia was incapable of ignoring that. She didn't know why, she just was. It had always been that way, right from the beginning when God had played his cruel joke and seemingly forced them to spend more time together.

It had kept her alive.

Maybe listening to Natalia now would keep her sane.

She didn't understand why but she was feeling aches where she was sure she hadn't bruised anything and for some reason, she could not get warm.

Reaching the bed, she crawled in fully clothed and with the blanket still wrapped around her.

She was _still _cold.

She was burrowing in as far as she could when Natalia finally walked in the room carrying a tray holding a couple of lightly buttered slices of toast. It smelled fantastic and her stomach grumbled in agreement. Sitting up again and pulling the ever present blanket tighter she took the tray that was lowered to her lap.

"Thanks," she said as she took a bite of the toast, chewed and swallowed carefully; almost convinced her body would instantly rebel and throw the toast back out again. It didn't so she took another bite and slowly worked her way through a slice.

The thought of eating another was too much however and she pushed the tray away.

"All done?"

"I'm sorry, I really don't think I can..."

"Hey, it's alright. You managed something so it's a start right?"

She nodded and badly wanted to burrow in again. _Wasn't I here only hours before? In this almost exact same predicament? Argh! So much for a few days away._

She could feel her frustration kicking in again but counteracting that was the heaviness in her limbs. Her stomach had something to digest on again and worse, she was cold. She looked at Natalia, hovering expectantly, clearly wondering the same as her as to whether she was going to have a repeat performance of this afternoon.

_Has she eaten yet?_

"Have you eaten yet?"

Natalia smiled, "I thought I'd check you were okay first, guess really I should've had mine first though in case you put me off my appetite again, you know like when you fly and they tell you to sort your own oxygen mask out before you do your child's?"

"Yes, thank you I am familiar with that, except now I feel like I'm being compared to a child," Olivia pouted.

Smiling again and taking the tray away, Natalia stood up from the side of the bed stating, "I'm going to leave you for a bit to settle down and get myself something to eat. You will call me if you want anything won't you?"

Olivia returned the smile, "You know I will."

Natalia left the room and Olivia sunk deeper beneath the covers.

Gradually she could feel herself giving in to her body's pull to sleep, how she could be exhausted again she had no idea but she felt totally done in and washed out. With several layers on her now, she was vaguely amazed when she could feel herself start to shiver. Burrowing deeper she slept. Her mind alive, in part worked up by the conversation they'd had that afternoon about the citizens of Springfield and she dreamt.

~/\~

Natalia had returned to the kitchen pleased that her charge had at least managed to eat one slice of toast. Not much but an accomplishment nonetheless. More so because, so far, she had kept that slice of toast down.

Considering that she'd have time to prepare some food for herself but not wanting to leave Olivia too long, Natalia threw some salad together, baked a potato and grated a little cheese on it to give it a bit more flavour. Although she had spent most of the day constantly on alert, she was pleased she had enough appetite left to enjoy her meal and calmed herself further in the ritual of washing up and clearing away the dishes.

_Time to go check on Olivia._

Walking back into the bedroom she was amazed and horrified to see that Olivia had managed to virtually enshroud herself with the bed linen, yet was shivering almost violently.

Having had some experience with fever, Natalia knew she had to get Olivia cooled down. She stepped towards the bed and began to peel away the layers of bed clothing.

"N...No!" a juddering voice rasped.

Olivia was holding onto the covers with a determined grip.

"Olivia? I need to remove these covers. You're burning up, do you understand me?" Natalia pulled on the covers again, another layer came away.

"No..." Olivia's head was turning as if to match her words as she held onto the last layer.

"Olivia, please, you have to let go. I have to take this away."

"No!" More forceful this time and Natalia was conscious of eyes upon her, trying to focus. "You can't take her away. I won't let you."

"Olivia?" Natalia was confused now, having removed the final layer she realised that Olivia was also fully clothed.

"Emma," she murmured.

"Emma's not here sweetie, she's with Ruth, she's looking after her," this didn't seem to placate the agitated woman.

"I want my little girl. You think I won't kill you to get my daughter back?"

Natalia blinked, _did she just say kill_?

Olivia was attempting to sit up now, "I want my daughter NOW!"

"Well, she's not here Olivia, please calm down."

Not hearing, seemingly caught either in a memory or a nightmare, Olivia continued, "I don't care what Philip wanted, he's dead!"

_Dead? Philip?_ Natalia was confused now. She tried soothing noises again, convinced that Olivia was unaware of her presence.

"I'd do anything for my daughter, _anything_."

"I know you would, I've seen it."

"Your brother is a bastard and so are you, he tried to take my little girl away from me _forever_!"

Who was she talking to? She approached the distressed woman again and reached for her arm. Olivia flinched and pulled her arm away, backing up towards the headboard and staring straight at Natalia with unseeing eyes, "You're trying to take her away too!"

"Oh no, Olivia I'm n..."

"Why don't you people just leave us alone?" Olivia was beginning to sob now, "She's my baby! Don't you get it? Emma is _my_ child. I'm not going to let you take my baby."

Caught in the memory, Olivia seemed to get frantic again, raising her arm up and pointing in Natalia's direction, Natalia stood back, "Please Gus, I don't wanna shoot you but I will, _please_."

_Gus? Good Lord, when was this? _Natalia stayed very still, feeling slightly silly standing there with her hands raised in surrender to a loaded finger but the intensity coming from the other woman left no doubt in Natalia's mind that if that finger were loaded, she was seconds away from becoming a dead woman.

"Had to protect myself," Olivia started to mumble, "Please, tell me where my baby is?"

"Olivia, she's with Ruth...remember?"

"Shut up Philip!" venom spat towards her.

Natalia took a step forward, "Olivia..."

The finger raised at her again, "No, you tortured me, you pushed me," Gasping breaths, angry sobs spitting out a world of hurt and betrayal, "You threatened me, you threatened to take everything away that I love, my entire life. You think I wouldn't fight back? I will _always _fight back because I will _always_ protect my daughter!"

With that, Olivia launched forward and tried to swing at Natalia who stepped back in surprise and then reached for the flailing woman; more worried she would hurt herself than do any damage to her. Capturing her arms Natalia turned the distraught woman so she was pulled back into a reverse hug.

"What are you doing? You need to calm down, you could hurt yourself."

"You have no idea what I'm capable of."

Holding Olivia in her arms, Natalia rested her head forward onto Olivia's back. Now the adrenaline from the dream was abating, the older woman was shaking. Natalia steered her back towards the bed.

"How did I let this happen to me again?" Olivia said in a small voice that spoke directly to Natalia, "How did this happen again?"

Natalia realised she had been given a window into Olivia's mind, a chance to see a side of her she _knew_ was there, it was evident in her actions only the other day but while it answered so many questions it raised a lot more of them as well. Knowing she had no time to pick at what had been revealed for the moment, she moved towards the bed again and brushed back Olivia's hair from her brow.

Olivia was still mumbling something, her shivers still pronounced.

Natalia knew she had to cool Olivia down and began the arduous task of trying to undress the shaking woman while Olivia continued to engage in a conversation Natalia could only hear one side of. Hoping the worst was over, she moved to open the window.

Olivia was reaching for blankets again and moving to climb up from the bed.

"No, Olivia, no. Listen to me. We need to get you cooled down."

"Cold."

"I know but trust me on this." She leant forward to kiss Olivia's brow.

"Philip has her," a quiet, pleading voice, "he has my little girl."

"Emma's safe Olivia. Philip isn't here, he doesn't have her." Unsure whether her reasoning was getting through but pleased that Olivia seemed to be relenting in her efforts to escape, Natalia tried again to settle the agitated woman back onto the bed.

"I'm going to get a washcloth and some water okay? I'll be back in a minute."

"'kay," came the response and as Natalia hurriedly left the room Olivia turned on her side, hugging herself, trying to keep warm and dispel the anxiety that she had lost her baby once again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 12**

Sure she was breaking several land speed records, Natalia grabbed a bowl, ran some water and gathered up some washcloths and towels before racing back to the bedroom. Having experienced dealing with Rafe when he had developed a fever, Natalia knew there were generally three phases involved and Olivia was essentially at stage one. This meant, most importantly, trying to keep her cool even though her overriding desire would be to bundle herself up in an effort to get warm.

Natalia was additionally concerned by the confrontation she had just witnessed and the obvious confusion Olivia was experiencing. Had Olivia pulled a gun on Gus? Had that all really happened or was it the creation of a delusional mind?

To Natalia, it appeared to be very real for Olivia and knowing _some_ things about Olivia's past added a level of credibility about it but untangling what Olivia had said and trying to piece together the other side of the conversation, disturbed her. Had Gus taken Emma away from Olivia? What exactly had Philip done to push her and torture her?

Returning to the bedroom, Natalia could see Olivia had managed to grab one of the blankets again and cocooned herself within it. Not wanting another outburst like before she delicately put her hand on Olivia's shoulder and tried to rouse the woman, hoping for some indication of lucidity. Olivia's eyes opened and attempted to focus, "Natalia?"

"Hi," she breathed in response, heartened by the recognition and smiled.

"Cold."

"I know," she stroked the woman's hair away and rubbed her back again. Grateful for the return of some sanity, she began to turn Olivia over and tease away the blanket.

"Wha...?"

"Shh, listen. I need to take this away and for you to cool down. I know you feel cold but trust me. Do you trust me Olivia?"

"Yes." No hesitation, a plaintive giving over and Natalia was virtually undone by the sureness of the response.

Olivia released her hold on the blanket and Natalia began to remove the shirt she'd been wearing.

Natalia looked up as Olivia sighed and continued to shiver. She looked over at the bedside unit where the bottle of water she'd given Olivia earlier appeared to be three quarters full still and taking it, removed the top and handed it to Olivia.

"You need to drink this."

Aware that Olivia's shaking hands would be incapable of holding the bottle steady enough to drink from, Natalia guided the bottle to Olivia's lips and used her other hand to support Olivia's head while she drank. Pleased when over half the bottle's contents were consumed, she lowered Olivia's head again and replaced the bottle on the unit, making a mental note to make sure she brought more bottles in here if she wished to replenish all those lost fluids.

She sat on the edge of the bed, holding one of Olivia's hands and began a soothing motion of gliding her other hand back and forth along the inner side of Olivia's forearm, pleased when the hypnotic action had the effect of making the other woman finally succumb to sleep again.

~/\~

Olivia had known only a couple of things, she was cold and she was afraid. Something was being taken away from her and that something was very important. Trying to piece together in her currently fractured and fevered mind what that something was, her focus drilled in to what had been important in her life and came up with one screaming, alarming realisation.

Emma.

Emma was being taken away.

As if rifling through the filing cabinet of her mind, she stumbled upon the drawer marked 'Emma being taken away from me', and horrifyingly relived those moments when she thought she had gone truly insane and held Gus at gunpoint.

Something about what was happening now though didn't seem to quite fit. The voice answering her pleas seemed higher, feminine and she kept trying to convince her that Emma was alright, that she was somewhere else and she was safe. _No_! This person needed to know that she would stop at nothing, _at nothing_, to do what needed to be done to protect her child.

Forcing herself forward, swinging wildly to make contact, her arms were restrained and she could feel a body against her back, hugging her. Someone telling her to calm down, that she'd hurt herself, "You have no idea what I'm capable of."

Her energy waning now, her point hopefully made, she was being ushered back to the bed. "How did I let this happen to me again?" her voice almost childlike in delivery questioned, "How did this happen again?"

She became aware of her surroundings. _I'm in bed? What? How? So cold, I'm so cold_.

Rousing herself again she moved to reach for the blanket nearby, a voice, feminine again was telling her she needed to cool down but she was just so cold. She communicated this.

"I know but trust me on this."

There was a kiss on her brow, she felt safer, was Emma safe?

"Philip has her," she pleaded, "He has my little girl."

"Emma's safe Olivia. Philip isn't here, he doesn't have her."

Something in the voice made her believe, she clung to it, tried to calm the sense of powerlessness she was experiencing. The voice spoke again, asked her something and she knew only to rely on that voice.

"'kay," she mumbled and tried to stem the cold she was feeling along with her anxiety by curling in on herself. The blanket was still in reach and she rolled herself up in it again, trying to ward off the chill.

A hand on her shoulder, she'd been drifting again and when her eyes opened she could see the dark haired woman watching her intently, "Natalia?"

"Hi." Dimples appeared.

"Cold."

"I know."

She could feel a hand in her hair and the soothing sensation of her back being rubbed and then she was being turned and the blanket was being pried from her grasp. Confusion was starting to set in, she was cold, hadn't she said that already? "Wha..?"

"Shh, listen. I need to take this away and for you to cool down. I know you feel cold but trust me. Do you trust me Olivia?"

"Yes." It seemed the word had fallen from her before the question had even been asked.

A gentle tugging on the blanket and she released it. She could feel her shirt being removed and although feeling very exposed, her faith in the woman beside her made her discard her feelings of vulnerability and instead she basked in the warmth of trust.

Her shivering persisted and Natalia assisted her in drinking from the water bottle she'd brought in with her however many hours ago. She suckled on the bottle until she'd had her fill and then found her head lowered to the pillow again, a hand holding hers. Her brain focussed in on the feeling of her forearm being stroked, distracting her from all other sensations her body was trying to transmit. It was wonderful, soothing, hypnotic.

She slept.


	13. Chapter 13

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 13**

Natalia kept up her movement against Olivia's arm until she was sure the woman had completely fallen asleep. Then she just sat there, waiting for the moment when the shivering would stop and Olivia would be at the midpoint of this fever.

Time moved on and Natalia found her mind alive with a variety of questions. She wondered about the cause of Olivia's fever, reasoning that maybe it was a combination of the day's events, maybe swallowing the river water or an infection in the shoulder wound but she'd delicately pulled the bandage back and seemed please with the progress of that particular wound.

When her mind shifted from the 'how' of what was happening she began to consider the 'why' of it and found herself turning to her faith for answers. Unfortunately, only the bland statement of 'God works in mysterious ways' kept drifting and weaving its way through her thoughts and ultimately she came to the conclusion, regardless of the how and why, it _was _happening. Deal with it.

If she was totally honest with herself, it was Olivia's delusional outburst which was weighing the most heavily. What had happened? Why did Olivia have a gun? What was Gus' involvement?

Olivia stirred on the bed, mumbling something Natalia couldn't make out. Instinctively she took Olivia's hand again, brushing her thumb across Olivia's knuckles, letting her know she was still there.

After a time Natalia noticed that Olivia's shivering had ceased.

Checking her temperature again, Natalia could feel the heat radiating from Olivia's body. She was hopeful Olivia would be able to sleep through the night and feeling tired herself she had to resist the temptation to crawl in beside the other woman.

It was getting on for very late evening when Olivia stirred again. Natalia had moved off the bed and was dozing in the chair nearby. She'd left the small bedside lamp on and in the subdued illumination she could see Olivia's body perspiring, practically shining with sweat. Rubbing her eyes and face to bring herself to a level of wakefulness, she moved back to the supine woman and, resting her hand on the bed, she could feel the bed linen was damp and clammy.

Taking one of the cloths she'd brought into the room with her earlier, she began to softly slick the sweat away. She needed to close the window now as well, as Olivia's body was attempting to cool itself, Natalia was concerned about any drafts. The bedclothes would also need changing but to accomplish that, she was going to need Olivia's cooperation.

"Olivia," Natalia spoke softly as she continued to wipe the cloth over Olivia's bare skin.

Slowly, the already stirring woman began to twist away and in her effort to pull herself towards consciousness, her arms were raising in an attempt to ward off the comfort Natalia was attempting to give.

"Just...let me breathe." Olivia's eyelids fluttered and Natalia paused, "Just step back, okay?"

Natalia's worry levels were spiking again and she was giving serious consideration to calling 911, Olivia's reluctance be damned.

Head turning on the pillow, Olivia began muttering, "No, no!"

Realising Olivia was caught still in a nightmare of some fashion, she tried again to calm her friend. "Oh Olivia, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be sick, I'm trying to take care of you."

Olivia began to murmur again, "I'm dying."

"Don't talk silly Olivia, you're not dying."

Olivia didn't seem to hear; in fact she was growing more agitated again and starting to fight Natalia off of her.

Frustrated, Natalia said, "I am really trying to help you."

"I didn't ask you to," the sneered reply.

Natalia was totally taken aback.

At this point, Olivia pushed herself up from the bed and began stumbling around it in an effort to get to the door. Natalia, unsure what to do, attempted to restrain her and was even more surprised when she heard familiar words coming back at her.

"Why? What are you doing?" Olivia was growing more frantic as Natalia's grip held her in place. Lost in another time and place, Olivia's rant continued, "You can't be serious; you can't lock me in here. This isn't funny, you don't understand. This _isn't FUNNY_!"

After a brief struggle, Olivia pulled away and seemed to crumble in on herself, falling back against the edge of the bed, her breaths short and ragged, her eyes wide and her hands clawing as if trapped and trying to find escape.

Natalia had released her hold on her, raising her hand to her mouth in mortification as she pieced together exactly where Olivia thought she was at this moment and Natalia's own role in it.

When Olivia reacted as if she had heard something, Natalia could only watch in horror as Olivia played out what must have happened after Natalia had left her, left her to marry her childhood sweetheart, the father of her child.

"Oh my God, the heart is here," Olivia became frenzied, clawing at the side of the bed again where she'd fallen, her eyes looking inward, lost in memory.

"Stop! Stop beeping! I know I have an hour before I lose the heart," she looked up, around the room, her eyes skimming past Natalia as if she weren't there, "Somebody! Get me out of here, get me to the hospital." Tearful now, "Get me out of here! Please!"

More sobs and then, "It's my one last chance at life, at happiness. Oh God!"

Then Olivia's eyes seemed to find Natalia's and lock with them, "I hope you're happy Natalia, until I come back to haunt you."

Natalia was crying now but even through the veil of her own tears, her need to aid the distressed woman overcame her self-recrimination. Kneeling down, fearful of how Olivia would react, she placed her hand under Olivia's arm, "Olivia," no response, "Olivia, you need to move..."

"Move on, you can't move on, you called me, that's...that's mine."

Understanding at such deep levels, Natalia pulled Olivia to her as the other woman continued, "I don't have time, I'm running out of time okay?"

"Shh, Olivia, you're not running out of time, you're okay, you're going to be fine, you _are_ fine."

Not hearing, Olivia said, "I have two daughters, they need me, I need them okay? You can't just treat me like I'm some number, okay?"

"Oh Olivia, you're not a number." Wanting this moment, this night to end, Natalia kept her hold on Olivia. As Olivia's breathing evened out again, Natalia attempted to move her once more.

"Natalia?"

Thinking the moment almost done, she looked into Olivia's eyes. What she saw there chilled her as much as the words that followed, as much as they chilled her the first time she heard them directed at her, "Congratulations," the sneer was back. "You got the ring, the dress, the guy. It only cost me my life. I hope it was worth it."

Natalia felt the wash of tears streaming down her face. Ashamed, disgusted and appalled at herself again for the action that nearly cost the life of this woman who had come to mean so much to her, Natalia released her hold on Olivia, turned away from her and bent over double sobbing. She sobbed for then and she sobbed for now, all the past few day's anger, anguish and fears in a cathartic cleansing of tears.

~/\~

Olivia closed her eyes. A headache had come to her full force, her limbs still felt heavy and for some reason she was sitting uncomfortably on the floor. She was aware she appeared to be dripping with sweat and there was a draft along her back that left her chilled.

Regaining some grip on reality, she was also aware that she wasn't alone on the floor and the other person had their back to her. _Natalia? Is she crying?_

"Hey? What's going on?" She put her hand out onto Natalia's shoulder and was surprised when the other woman jumped, turned to her and seemed to be covering up the fact that she'd been crying by wiping her eyes and face quickly and plastering on a smile.

"Hey," she replied. Her eyes were clearly puffy and red rimmed and she seemed less confident than she had been before. "How're you feeling?"

"Ug." Seemed to cover most of it.

Acting as if nothing had happened, although Olivia was convinced something had, Natalia began to try and help Olivia up from the floor and guide her towards the chair, "Olivia, I need you to sit here for a moment while I change your bed linen."

"Okay." Olivia slumped back, certain now that something was bothering the younger woman, and watched as she went through the motions of changing her bed.

When Olivia shivered, Natalia glanced up and moved round to close the window. For some reason, Natalia was avoiding eye contact with her. This bothered Olivia. This bothered her a lot.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked as the Latina woman took her by the arm again and guided her back to the bed.

Natalia shook her head and barely within hearing said, "No, _I_ did."


	14. Chapter 14

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 14**

She couldn't look at her, couldn't stop the voice of directed anger and fear resounding in her head. It was stupid, the woman was here, alive, if a little worse for wear at the moment but she was alive. It was stupid to still feel so responsible for what _could _have happened, what _might_ have been?

Natalia felt awash with guilt, found herself questioning again how she could have done something so malicious, so callous all because of her own insecurities. How differently their lives would've turned out if not for her actions.

A part of her brain was calling out for reason, that it was egotistical of her to believe the magnitude of her role in the events of the past year but unfortunately, that part of her brain was being dominated by the part which was linked to her heart. The part which, in a moment of self-revelation, had worked out that she really didn't want, _hadn't_ wanted, Olivia to die.

Yes, she had felt anger at this woman, continued to feel it as she had come to understand her but it had been tempered by that understanding. The knowledge that she, in some way, had gotten past the defences that Olivia Spencer had built and become her confidant, her friend.

Olivia had continued to surprise her, when she thought the woman could stoop no lower, she had even had the gall to ask for her wedding ring. Her wedding ring!

"_Congratulations. You got the ring, the dress, the guy. It only cost me my life. I hope it was worth it."_

Looking back on it, the dress had come off, Olivia had, in a tragic fashion, gotten the guy and then she had asked for the ring as well. _Still_ it didn't seem to be enough.

But she'd surprised her again by returning the ring. There were other things, other moments when Natalia saw a different side to Olivia the rest of the world weren't privy to see.

For this moment though, she was horrified to see through the window of Olivia's mind and revisit her least finest hour. Did Olivia still harbour resentment towards her? Buried deep but there, beneath the surface of their every day existence, was Olivia secretly despising the younger woman, plotting some form of revenge while reaping the benefits of Natalia's sweet, caring nature?

Natalia shook her head. She didn't believe so. Not now, maybe not ever. She'd seen the many faces of Olivia, wallowing in guilt, depression, apathetic, motivated, driven, charming, winsome, flirty, determined, challenging, angry, defiant, rumpled, sharp, exhausted, drunk, scared and funny. The list could go on.

For this moment though, glancing over at the woman on the bed looking intently at her with a thoughtful expression, Natalia felt such a wave of compassion, of connectedness...of love, she was truly shamed of her past actions.

Olivia had turned to reach for the remnants of her water bottle. Pleased to have an excuse to leave the room, Natalia had to stop herself from running to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, "I'll get another bottle." All before Olivia had a chance to speak.

~/\~

Olivia had reclined onto the bed, luxuriating on the clean, cool linen and pondering what exactly had happened that had changed the entire atmosphere of the room. _Maybe I'm delusional or something_, she smirked to herself.

Something about that statement though had her thinking and looking over at the Latina woman, who had kept her distance from her since her return to bed. Whatever was going through the younger woman's mind had taken the dimples away.

Olivia was saddened by this.

She knew Natalia had to be exhausted, god knows she was but why had Natalia been crying? What exactly had happened and why did she feel so responsible for it?

Try as she might, she could not get her jumbled brain to deliver up the relevant information. So she continued to watch her friend, uncaring if she was staring, for any hint, any sign of what was wrong. Whatever it was, Olivia wanted to fix it. That's one of the things she was good at wasn't it? Fixing things? Or had she gotten that wrong, wasn't she the one who usually messed things up? The woman who managed to ruin most of the good things she had, whose timing always sucked?

Olivia, who never caught a break, always came in second.

Fearing a fall into self-pity and not really having the energy to do that at the moment, Olivia turned from the object of her contemplation and reached for the practically empty water bottle. Before she'd even lifted it off the table, Natalia was bolting out of the room advising she was getting another.

Olivia waited.

~/\~

Now that she had reached the kitchen and retrieved another bottle from the fridge, Natalia felt awkward about returning to the other room. Momentarily, she sagged against the fridge door and tried to stem the recent flow of tears. Try as she might, she could not shake the image of Olivia sneering at her and venomously attacking her with her words.

_Time to get a grip Natalia_. She offered up a silent prayer and reluctantly made her way back to her patient.

Olivia looked up at her as she walked in and Natalia found herself looking away again.

"I brought you some more water."

"So I see," Olivia said coolly.

Natalia moved around the bed to put it in reach for Olivia.

"You really need to drink as much as you can, replenish your fluids"

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the nervous delivery, "So I understand."

"Umm..."

"Natalia?" Natalia looked up but avoided eye contact again, "What's going on?"

"Huh?" This time she looked down at her hands.

"Hey, seriously. What's going on here," Olivia waved her hand between the two of them, "Did something happen? Did I say something?"

Natalia could hear the worry in Olivia's voice.

"It's nothing, really."

"Why don't I feel like this is nothing?"

An awkward silence.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Natalia raised her head and locked eyes with Olivia immediately unnerved by the intensity of Olivia's green gaze.

"You know, I'm really beat, I can't believe that you haven't had enough today and now," she sighed trying to be diplomatic, "I really don't have the energy for whatever this is so please? Forgive me for seeming a little uncaring or unsympathetic but I don't have a lot of time here."

"Stop saying that!" Natalia exploded.

Olivia jumped and looked shocked.

"Stop saying you're running out of time."

Olivia for her part looked confused and taken aback by the outburst and tension which was now pouring off the woman in front of her.

"Stop it! I know it was my fault, okay? I get it, truly I do but please, please stop saying that."

Olivia really didn't know what had come over the woman and began levering herself up again, hoping that maybe if she wasn't laying in such a vulnerable position, it might help her take control of the situation again. As she sat forward, Natalia moved back.

Pausing in her action, Olivia was nonplussed at this current turn of events. Had Natalia actually stepped _away_ from her? Head tilted in query, Olivia didn't know what to do.

"Natalia, I..."

"No! No you...you have to," her shoulders began to shake as the dam began to break against the wall of tears she had been building. Arm raised to stop Olivia's approach, she backed away again, her other hand against her mouth to stop the sobs.

Sympathetic tears pooled in Olivia's eyes as she looked at the other woman, pushing her away, actually pushing _her_ away and Olivia was stuck between action and inaction.

Unable to stand the distressed, silent sobs no more, Olivia rose from the bed and cautiously approached.

"Natalia," she tried to keep her voice steady, "I don't understand...what?"

"You. You blamed me."

"I blamed you? Natalia, what are you talking about?" Olivia was shaking her head, edging closer.

"Your heart," eked out between sobs, "You blamed me," Natalia hiccupped and pulled in juddering breaths.

"My heart?" Olivia was still trying to put the pieces together. Why was Natalia talking about her heart? What had brought that up now? "Natalia, did something happen? Have I said something that..."

"You blamed me and you were right. It _was_ my fault, all of it. You were right, I was threatened, who wouldn't be, you're Olivia Spencer right? So I did something terrible, something I will always regret and there are no ways to apologise to you enough but you were right. _I'm_ to blame, _me_!" and with that Natalia beat herself on her chest, emphasising her statement.

Olivia could only look on in horror.


	15. Chapter 15

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 15**

Incapable of movement, frozen and still reeling from the veracity of the younger woman's statement, Olivia frantically trying to decipher exactly what had happened in the last twenty minutes or so and how she could or _should_ respond.

The room was thick with silence and tension and it was only as Natalia moved past her to exit the room, that time seemed to speed up again and Olivia became aware of how strangely, as the only occupant of the room, the room had seemed to get smaller, closing in on her.

Grabbing her jeans, she pulled them on, jammed her feet into her open laced trainers and pulled her shirt around her. Then in a fog, she stumbled out of the room, crossed the cabin seeking her own escape and exited, the door shutting behind her with a distinctive '_snick_'.

Once the cool night air hit her a remote part of her brain wished she had worn more adequate clothing. Her body was still leaking sweat from her fever and with the chill, she experienced goosebumps. Shivering slightly, she stood on the porch, leant against the support beam and played back Natalia's words as if stuck on repeat mode.

"_I'm to blame,_ me!" the dull thud of a fist impacting on Natalia's chest.

Olivia flinched in memory.

Fists impacting on her chest, _was that the sound it made? Is that what this is all about? My heart? Gus' heart? Natalia the one to _blame? _Why..._

Like a balloon popping, the moment of clarity was almost so intense, if the post hadn't been there supporting her she was convinced she would have fallen down. _She still thinks I blame her?_

Unsure how she could possibly make this right, how this particular hatchet could be buried once and for all, her mind spun in wheels. _She_ had done this; _she_ had put that look of guilt and sadness upon Natalia's face. It was _her_ mind that had dredged up from the depths events best left forgotten. Was she still harbouring some resentment for those actions of so long ago? Hadn't the woman proven herself to Olivia time and again with her stalwart presence and quick thinking? Hadn't it been Natalia who had saved her face when she'd so nearly fallen flat on it in front of Decker?

Ultimately, hadn't it been Natalia who had saved her life? Not once, not twice but _three_ times? Allowing her to have Gus' heart, refusing to give up on her and having the presence of mind to know where the defibrillator was kept when she collapsed outside of Company.

So why? _Why_ had her mind seen fit to drag up something that so obviously hurt the woman who had done nothing but love?

Convinced that she had once again managed to irreparably damage something so vital, that she had come to rely upon and depend upon, Olivia allowed her grief to pour forth.

~/\~

While Olivia just stood there, saying nothing, Natalia could feel the adrenaline surge through her body, her limbs trembling and her chest trying to diffuse the force of the blow she'd impacted upon herself. Catching her breath from the rant she'd thrown out and not receiving the contradiction or the absolution a large part of her craved, her only recourse was to escape.

She needed to get out, she needed to get out and hide away, give herself some time to gain some perspective, to calm down a bit and maybe seek solace and guidance through prayer.

As casually as she could she walked past the still unmoving Olivia and reached the bathroom. Standing at the sink she ran some water and scooped it up to splash over her tearstained face. Then she looked up and stared deep into the eyes looking back at her from the mirror. What she saw was shame.

Unable to maintain eye contact with herself any longer, she towelled her face and sat on the toilet lid, hands clasped together in an effort to focus her prayer. Contrite and pleading, she first looked down and then skyward, as if by will alone she could obtain the answers she sought.

_Not going to help me out here huh? _Natalia thought back to that devastating day when Gus died and Rick told her he was a match, that she could make a difference and had the power to give Olivia back her life. She remembered how robbed she had felt of all the days and moments she could have had with Gus but didn't because he was with Olivia. How, because he had really cared for Olivia, loved her even, he was racing around to be there for her and ultimately had died.

Even after costing Olivia her first chance at a heart, it was too much, too much to ask of her to give her this second opportunity and Natalia shuddered in memory of her decision to say no. _I was going to say no._

Disbelieving now that she could have made that choice she recalled how she had walked away from the room and came upon Emma, sweet darling Emma and her bouquet of flowers for her mommy. Natalia recalled the moment of epiphany as Emma offered her a flower and she knew with such startling clarity what she had to do, what all the signs, subtle and not so subtle, were pointing at.

Yes, she had made a mistake but..._I made things right didn't I?_

When no heavenly voice called down to her, her heart clenched in abandonment. _What do I do? Where do I go from here?_

At that moment, a gentle '_snick_' could be heard and curious; Natalia stood and peered around the bathroom door. Feeling emboldened when no further noise could be heard, Natalia forced herself to walk back to the bedroom and was surprised when it was empty. She checked the other rooms, no Olivia.

Worried now, Natalia moved to the main door and opened it.

Before her, silhouetted by the moonlight and leaning against one of the support struts, was Olivia's dejected form. Entranced and afraid, Natalia waited and watched, knowing her presence had not yet been detected.

Olivia appeared to slump against the post and then look skyward in a way that seemed to mimic Natalia's earlier actions. Then, over the blanketed night-time chorus, she heard a sniffle. A sniffle which seemed to grow in intensity and as Natalia made out Olivia's shoulders shaking, the sniffle became a sob.

Unable to remain hidden any longer, moved once again by the intensity of emotion coming from the other woman, Natalia set aside any embarrassment she felt for her earlier actions, forgot any assignation of blame or guilt and moved towards Olivia like a moth to a flame.

~/\~

Olivia was startled. She'd been so self-absorbed she hadn't heard the door opening or noticed Natalia until the younger woman was practically in front of her. Caught by surprise, angry at the way she felt and not sure how to deal with any of it, she found their earlier positions reversed as this time she backed away.

One arm raised forward to ward Natalia away, the other holding onto the post, unaware how both objects in reach were lifelines and she was currently hanging onto the wrong one.

"Olivia," a tentative voice, Natalia seemed to be hurt once again by her actions. Was there no end to this god-awful day?

"Please," Olivia gulped through her tears, "Just go back inside...leave me," she paused and wiped her eyes and face, "Please just leave me alone."

Natalia stepped forward again.

Shaking her head, Olivia could feel her ire rising again, she didn't want to hurt Natalia but apparently it was something she could do without even trying. Gathering up the nerve to just cut the cord, end this, whatever _this _was, Olivia spat, "I'm toxic! Please, you don't need to be around that. Why don't you run away, go back to...to..."

Natalia was still working her way towards her, unrelentingly. Arms reached for her and her grip on the post transferred to the very tangible lifeline before her. Running out of steam and reaching exhaustion, Olivia collapsed into the welcoming hug. Uncaring how tightly she was held, Olivia savoured the sensation.

~/\~

Natalia would not be deterred.

She'd been through this before, she'd been pushed away. Now that she had regained some composure she could not allow this distance to remain any longer. She knew Olivia, she could see the lines of exhaustion in her face, the set of her shoulders, the fever still upon her as her skin seemed to shine in the moonlight and the tears running down her face.

She could feel the vitriol and venom as Olivia attempted to use words as well as gestures to keep her at arm's length but this time, Natalia would not be deterred.

As resolute in her advance as Olivia had been only the previous day in her efforts to reach the cabin, Natalia caught Olivia in a full embrace, aware that the other woman had released her hold on the post and was virtually hanging on to her for dear life.

Relishing the hug, trying to communicate all of her concern, compassion and love into that one simple hold, Natalia was aware Olivia was barely able to remain standing. Shuffling towards the bench, she lowered her into a seated position and crouched down before her, hands reaching up to wipe away tears and stray strands of hair.

"Why?" Olivia seemed to collect herself again and shaking her head continued, "How can you...?"

Not letting her finish, Natalia broke in with, "Olivia Spencer, it's late, I'm tired, you're practically about to keel over and I for one cannot, _will_ not let this continue."

Olivia blinked.

"When will you realise you cannot push me away or scare me," she smiled, head canted to one side like a dimpled puppy, "Well that's not true, you often scare me but not in the way you think," she corrected.

"You are an amazing person," Natalia continued. Olivia began to shake her head again, tears continuing to fall, "You are, you just don't recognise it."

Olivia raised her hand and smiling, lightly caressed Natalia's cheek, her eyes seemingly mesmerised by the woman before her. Overwhelmed, she leaned forward and kissed Natalia's forehead and then leant their foreheads together.

"You know what else?"

Olivia wasn't sure she really wanted to know, Natalia was right, it was late, she was about to keel over and she was still reeling from the absolute power of forgiveness and compassion the Latina woman seemed to have in abundance.

"No, what?" her curiosity won out.

"You're also an idiot coming out here without a jacket on, look at you, you're freezing," it was a gentle telling off, delivered with a smile and a hand running up and down her arm. "Come on, let's get you inside."

Allowing herself to be assisted to her feet, they shuffled back into the cabin.


	16. Chapter 16

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 16**

Natalia felt like beaming. Although it had been a rollercoaster day, there was that surreal feeling that she had found and made a connection again, her equilibrium restored. As she gently admonished Olivia for putting her health at risk, once more, she helped the older woman stand and move back towards the warmth of the cabin.

She was aware Olivia was leaning on her heavily for support and the confident stride she normally associated with her was hidden, masked by the halting stumble her obviously heavy limbs were currently only capable of performing.

Making their way back into the bedroom, Olivia immediately dropped to sit on the side of the bed in relief. Natalia watched as the physically and emotionally spent woman leant forward, placed her elbows on her knees, her face in her hands and stayed there.

"Hey," Natalia said as she crouched in front of Olivia again, placed her hand under her chin and tilted her face to lock eyes with her, "let's get you ready for bed eh?" Then she began to remove the unfastened trainers.

"'s'okay, you don't have to do that," Olivia tried to object.

Natalia just raised her eyebrow, "No, I don't _have_ to but you need my help. Besides, it's getting really late and I figured if I didn't give you some help here you'd fall asleep where you sat, not to mention, I like helping you."

"Quite possibly true," Olivia agreed with a huff, "And...I like it when you help me." It was an admission, not something she said very often and said so shyly now, it only convinced Natalia even more how exhausted Olivia had to be.

A moment passed between them.

"Whose idea to go away for a few days was it anyway?"

Natalia smiled, refusing to feel bad, "Okay, I get it, it was my idea but you know, considering all that's happened at least one of us is having a great time."

Olivia chuckled, "Yeah, I wonder if Emma is enjoying her sleepover?"

"Oh I bet she is," Natalia now helped as Olivia lifted up slightly, hand supported on Natalia's shoulder, and removed her jeans. "I miss sleepovers, they were so much fun."

Olivia smirked, "We could have our own sleepover," a thought seemed to occur to her, "Hey, we still have some snacks and things don't we?"

"Tsk, you and your snacks." She was amazed to see how the mention of such unhealthy food seemed to do wonders for improving the health of this particular woman. "Why don't you lie back and I'll bring some more water through."

"Okay." Olivia turned and slumped towards the pillows, collapsing with a grunt.

_Was she pouting?_ Shaking her head at the other woman's antics, even though she was obviously still fighting a fever, Natalia left the room to collect some more water bottles. She dithered a bit, wondering if she should bring some snacks through as well and with a shrug, picked up the bag of 'bad' goodies.

Glazed and tired eyes seemed to brighten when she returned, "Snacks! Now we can make it a pyjama party. We could make some prank calls or...do we know anywhere we could ring around here?"

Natalia snorted at the thought of Olivia being mischievous, especially considering Olivia looked like she couldn't sit up now even if she really wanted to. "Maybe tomorrow, when we've collected Emma, then the three of us together, we'll have a movie night, popcorn, the works. Sound good?"

"Wonderful." Olivia was smiling at the prospect but was obviously burning out the last of her energy levels as her voice was starting to slur slightly.

Getting ready for bed herself, neither of them questioning the fact that they had continued to share the room, Natalia crawled in beside Olivia and turned on her side to look at her.

Unable to resist the temptation again, Natalia swept the stray hairs from Olivia's brow. Her hair was damp with sweat and the poor woman seemed to be fading, finally, into a much needed and welcomed slumber. Carefully, Natalia levered herself forward to place the most delicate of kisses on Olivia's forehead and then moved away to roll onto her side and switch the bedside lamp off.

From the darkness came a voice, quiet and sincere, "I'm sorry."

Natalia stayed perfectly still, unsure she had heard correctly and then if she had, what it was exactly this complicated woman was sorry about. Unsure whether the statement required a response, Natalia held her breath and waited. Eventually, the voice spoke again. "I have no idea what I did to deserve a friend like you. Thank you."

The last words whispered out into the shadowy room as if, under cover of night, the room itself had changed into some hallowed hall and all talking reverted to prayer.

Happy tears formed in Natalia's eyes.

~/\~

Having made it as far as the bed, Olivia felt her legs finally give out. Slumped where she sat, she was surprised, yet not, when Natalia appeared before her and began removing her trainers. Although she voiced an objection, her heart delighted in Natalia's response and her brain acknowledged the sense of her words. She_ could _sleep here. In fact, she could probably just close her eyes and remain propped in this position all night; such was her level of tiredness.

And she _did_ like it when Natalia helped her, as much as she initially thought that God was just playing some cruel joke to make them spend so much time together, if she was honest with herself, she couldn't imagine her life now without Natalia in it.

When she realised Natalia had paused, she found herself caught in deep, dark, expressive soulful eyes and considered that maybe she didn't actually ever say it very often or at least often enough.

Had she _ever_ told her? _Really_ made Natalia understand what it meant to her to have her in her life? Someone she could finally depend upon and not be disappointed by.

Sure, she'd joked about Dr Phil, they were friends right? They did things friends do but Olivia had not had many true friends and certainly not a friend who had stuck by her, fought for her and cared for her with the depth of conviction and love that Natalia had.

Wanting but not wanting to break the moment between them, Olivia light-heartedly accused, "Whose idea to go away for a few days was it anyway?"

Natalia's response reminded her how pleased she was her daughter hadn't witnessed how ill she'd been today and how, unlike her mother, she managed to make friends so easily. Thinking of Emma's exuberance at the possibility of spending time with a virtual stranger, Olivia felt both parental fear and pride in her outgoing nature. Chuckling, she said, "Yeah, I wonder if Emma is enjoying her sleepover?"

Natalia seemed convinced she was and then she seemed to be urging Olivia to stand so she could remove her jeans. Olivia was sure this woman had undressed her more times in the last couple of days than anyone else had in the last couple of years of her life. Using Natalia's shoulder to maintain her balance, she felt her jeans sliding over her hips meaning she could technically sit down again.

Natalia was saying something in a wistful fashion about how much she used to love sleepovers and how much fun they were.

Unsure where her thoughts were straying to, Olivia was amazed to find herself suggesting that they have a sleepover of their own. Then on a complete sidetrack, she could feel an attack of the munchies coming on and remembered there were snacks in the cabin. This led to being reprimanded about her eating habits again and Natalia realising she needed to bring more water through for them.

Olivia couldn't resist pouting as she crawled up to the pillows and let out a groan of satisfaction at being horizontal again, her various aches and bruises had been fighting for dominance all day and she found herself hopeful of finding that stillness again where her shoulder, back, torso and stomach came to a mutually pain free agreement. She was also pleased to see her pouting had had its desired effect when Natalia returned with the bag of said goodies.

Having already reclined back onto the bed, her thoughts started drifting to what kind of party they could have, how maybe she could do something nice for Natalia and recapture some adolescent fun, maybe make some prank calls but then she considered belatedly that they didn't really know anyone around here to ring and truthfully, laying here was more than enough excitement for her at the moment.

A wave of exhaustion hit her again and depleted levels dropped further. Natalia's suggestion of quality time, just the three of them with popcorn and a movie had sounded wonderful but the small burst of enthusiasm she'd felt for doing anything of any nature, waned proportionally with her ability to do it. Even talking seemed to be an effort.

Olivia was aware of movement in the room as Natalia readied herself for bed and then the mattress dipping as Natalia took her place on it.

She could feel Natalia's hand against her brow, her breath as she moved forward and then the sensation of delicately soft lips kissing her forehead.

At this point Olivia was unsure if she was dreaming already, had sleep really taken her that quickly? Then movement again as Natalia turned over, the click of the bedside lamp and a deepening of the dark against her eyelids.

Wanting to say so much and yet feeling wholly inadequate, feeling so much and yet not having the words, Olivia offered up a quiet apology, "I'm sorry."

Protected by the anonymity the darkness of the room gave her, she whispered, "I have no idea what I did to deserve a friend like you. Thank you."

As the silence in the room settled, Olivia gave up all resistance to sleep and fell, unhearing the soft reply, "Me too and you're welcome."


	17. Chapter 17

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 17**

Heat.

A warmth really, that pervaded through Natalia's veil of sleep and had her eyes fluttering open into semi-darkness. Turning her head to glance at the time, she was curious as to what had woken her at such an early hour, remarkably she'd only managed to fall asleep just over three hours ago.

Her own nocturnal migration had her inching towards Olivia and she could now feel the source of the heat at her back.

Movement behind her had her turning towards her sleeping companion and her eyes quickly evaluated that although Olivia's fever had broken, there was an unhealthy sheen still coating her skin, her pallor disconcerting. Studying Olivia's face, now given the opportunity to do so in great detail, Natalia looked past the full lips and dynamic but slightly imperfect nose, to the tightness around her eyes and the furrowing of her brow.

Tiny head movements as if being held but trying to fight against it caused Natalia to look further and see the subtle clenching and unclenching of Olivia's hands, the tautening of her arms as if preparing to do battle.

_She's dreaming again_, Natalia realised, _and not a good one by the looks of it_.

Not wanting to startle the troubled sleeper awake and certainly not wanting a repeat performance of Olivia's distressed breathing pattern only the night before, Natalia attempted soft, soothing words. "Shh, Olivia, it's all okay, you're safe here...I've got you."

When her words were causing no visible change and wondering what it was that held Olivia so tightly in its grip, she decided to try a different approach.

Moving so she was sitting slightly higher in the bed than Olivia, Natalia placed her hand on Olivia's brow again, feeling for her temperature. She then caressed the side of her face before putting her hand on the uninjured far shoulder and delicately began rubbing her arm. Placing her other arm above Olivia's head, her hand curled over to lightly play with Olivia's hair, stroking back the damp strands in a meditative action.

Olivia's head stilled.

Continuing with the action, Natalia was pleased to see Olivia's body starting to relax, her breathing evening out again.

Thinking the worst was probably over now, Natalia was surprised when Olivia let out a deep, heavy sigh and turned towards her, Olivia's own arm falling over Natalia's side and tightening her hold so that effectively she was now cradled within the Latina woman's arms.

~/\~

Olivia wasn't sure at what point she realised she was dreaming again. There was a part of her that feared she wasn't, that this was what her life was like and scarily part of her was screaming at her that actually, yes it was. One frightening, emotional drama after another with her heart being ripped from her, both physically and metaphorically, over and over.

She'd felt so out of it last night that sleep had come unbidden. Now the fractured thoughts her fevered brain had acted out for her were pulling at her subconscious and forming a dreamscape she would not willingly walk through but could not turn away from.

_Fallen._

_The ground hard beneath her, jabbing at her, digging into delicate flesh, bruising._

_A buzzing sound, building in intensity like a storm gradually unleashing its wrath. _

_Voices. Her mind scrabbling to try and decipher the sound made out the noise drilling into her brain was a proliferation of voices, yelling at her, screaming at her._

_For every statement a voice threw at her an invisible thread cast itself around her, like Gulliver in Lilliput, trapping her, holding her down._

_She wanted to reason, to distinguish the individuals within the throng to make them understand, make them realise._

_Everything she ever did was to protect herself, protect Emma, protect..._

"What about Ava?" _a voice called out_, "how many times did you try to hurt _her_?"

_Struggling against her bonds, attempting to turn to face her accuser, her anger rose._

"I did it to protect my daughter! I didn't know...I didn't know."

_Memories, haunting and familiar resounded in her ears, accusations, allegations, horrifyingly all true but without benefit of _her _thought processes,_ her _reasons, she_ always _had a reason..._

_Faces flashed before her, Buzz, supportive but disappointed; Jeffery, sympathetic, shamed but distant; Reva, scornful and adversarial; Alan, leering and manipulative; Philip..._

_She wanted to fight, fight back and have someone see it from her perspective, have somebody understand. _

_She was being held down again, the restraints weren't loosening, she wasn't supposed to be here._

_Where was she?_

_The world morphed and she was lying in a bed...Ravenwood?_

_No...no...they can't do this, they can't, I'm not supposed to be here, I didn't agree to this..._

_Fear gripped her, tighter than any restraint, she was being held, they were taking her away, locking her away, away from her baby, away from..._

_Another voice. Softer, vague in the tumult of sound. She strained to hear it, knowing it was a siren to her salvation but the other voices crowded in on her, the faces pressing forward._

_She tried to fight again._

_Sensation, the impression of cooling water flowing over her head like a baptism. Rhythmic and constant._

_The voices were receding._

_As the voices began to disperse her struggles ceased. The threads which had held her in place appeared magically cut, she was released and she was free to move, free to turn..._

Olivia's relief was expelled in a deep, heavy sigh and granted the freedom to move again, she practically threw herself onto her side. Her arm connected with something so familiar after her recent confusion, she knew it represented safety, comfort and dependency so she held on, pinning it in place, anchoring herself before she fell into a deeper, dreamless sleep, content.


	18. Chapter 18

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 18**

In a case of history repeating itself, morning gold crawled across the room and over the two peacefully sleeping figures.

As Natalia began to swim her way towards consciousness she was aware of several things. One was that her arm had gone to sleep and the other was that there was a weight on her, pinning her down. A weight she was discovering, she was increasingly more than willing to bear.

Snuggled deep into her embrace lay Olivia, arm still slung, either protectively or desperately like a drowning woman, clutched around her middle.

Natalia was not surprised at how long they must have slept, just at how long they had lain in the same position. When Olivia had rolled towards her last night, she had thought she would eventually disentangle herself but listening to Olivia's even breathing had lulled her into slumber before she even knew what was happening.

It felt different, waking up with someone in her arms, her few experiences of sharing a bed with another person had usually meant _she _was the one being held.

She wondered if she should feel weird about it but strangely, it just felt right. Even now, with her arm begging to be released, she was content to lay here as long as she needed to, as long as Olivia needed her to.

She tenderly pulled Olivia into a hug and kissed the top of her head.

After yesterday's constant battering, Natalia revelled in this moment of peacefulness and offered up a prayer that today would be a good day and tonight they would all be sat, watching a movie, eating popcorn, together.

~/\~

Arms around her, warmth, secure and safe, loved.

These were the feelings Olivia became aware of as sleep faded to the background. A gentle squeezing as arms tightened into a hug and the light pressure of a kiss upon her scalp.

Serenity.

Wanting this to last as long as possible, Olivia lay with her eyes shut, savouring once again the stillness, knowing eventually she'd have to move.

She wanted to snuggle deeper, to keep the day at bay and the various aches she knew would be joining her soon, _just a moment longer, that's all, not too much to ask right?_

There was a rumbling sound, not thunder, more gurgling, like...

That was when Olivia realised just exactly what her very comfortable pillow was. Trying to hold in a giggle, she knew the game was up when a voice sounded very close to her ear. Hearing it now, so much clearer than she had in her dreams, she allowed it to wash over her.

"Hey sleepyhead, I know you're awake so stop faking," there were dimples in the voice.

Eyelids pried themselves apart and fluttered open.

"Did you sleep okay?"

Natalia's arm had encircled her again and was gently rubbing her side, managing to magically avoid aggravating the bruise there.

Unsure if she should feel embarrassed at the current predicament she found herself in, she decided if Natalia wasn't bothered, then neither would she be. Besides, she was comfy.

"Hmm...yeah, I did thanks, you?"

Natalia regarded her and nodded, "Amazingly well, yes."

Olivia moved her head slightly and noticed Natalia wince, "Are you okay?"

"Just my arm," she indicated with her eyes towards the arm Olivia was pinning with her head, "I think it's starting to wake up."

"Oh," Olivia immediately began to pull away and then regretted it, not just because she had enjoyed being held so comfortingly but because, as expected, her injuries began to make themselves known again. She fell back onto her proper pillow, eyes shut, waiting for the stirred up pain to abate.

~/\~

Natalia knew the moment Olivia left the realm of Morpheus, her breathing had changed but she was both startled and delighted when, instead of pulling away as she expected she might, she actually snuggled in deeper, content to obviously remain where she was.

Wondering how much longer she could truly endure the numbness in her arm, her body betrayed her and her need for breakfast by performing a rather lengthy rumble, punctuated further by a musically ascending gurgle.

When she sensed Olivia was trying not to laugh she decided it was time to free her captive arm.

"Hey sleepyhead, I know you're awake so stop faking."

Olivia's eyes struggled to open and focus, revealing slightly bloodshot eyes. Natalia asked, "Did you sleep okay?"

When Olivia responded affirmatively and queried back, Natalia took a moment to consider before coming to the conclusion that despite the awkward position she'd been in, she'd managed to sleep amazingly well.

It was then Olivia moved her head slightly and Natalia could feel her arm aggressively waking up.

Concerned when Olivia pulled away quickly to release it and clearly hurting herself in the process, Natalia needed to take the time to cradle and rub the offending limb to negate the pins and needles of blood pouring back into it. She found herself trying to reason there was only one thing that could negate the feeling of loss she experienced once Olivia pulled away and then wondering where that thought had come from; she decided to table it for later.

"Do you need anything? What can I do?" Natalia asked, her own arm only tingling now as she watched Olivia try and regain her equilibrium again.

Olivia appeared to smile briefly and then huffed out a breath, "I'm good, just jolted myself."

"Let me check that shoulder wound," Natalia reached for the bandage she'd applied the day before and pulled it back, Olivia's eyes flitting from trying to peer at the injury to watching her. "I think this needs to be redressed. Don't go anywhere, I'll be back."

"Funny," came the reply.

Smiling, Natalia left to gather the restocked first aid kit and returned a short while later.

"You know if you wanted to get something to eat before doing this..." Olivia suggested.

Blushing at her empty tummy betraying her again, she shook her head, "Ah ah, we're doing this first."

"What happened to taking care of yourself before any children?" Olivia reminded.

"You're not a child," Natalia began, "even though you act like one sometimes." She chuckled when the expected pout returned. "Besides, aren't _you _hungry?"

An internal debate appeared to be going on as Olivia decided on her response to that question.

Natalia continued to remove the dressing from the shoulder wound and checked to see if the gash was healing without any infection. It seemed a little angry and there was some blood seepage where Olivia's movements had clearly aggravated and opened the wound. It had been enough of a tear that stitches would have been more effective but the butterfly strips were helping to pull and hold the skin together that in time and if Olivia proceeded with careful movements, the skin would knit together nicely. Applying more antiseptic, accompanied by a short hiss as she made contact, Natalia covered the area with a fresh bandage.

Finished, she looked up expectantly for a reply, "Well?" still no answer, "Tummy still bothering you?"

As if shaken from a reverie, Olivia answered, "I don't think so."

Natalia waited, sensing there was more.

~/\~

While Natalia brought life back to her sleepy arm, Olivia worked at shutting off the various pain receptors that had flared to life the moment she'd moved away and repositioned herself on her pillow. Wondering how one body could be put through so much and still bounce back, Olivia replied to Natalia's query by stating the truth, she'd jolted herself, plain and simple. One moment she'd been settled and still, the next, a dull fire was burning its way over her skin, peaking at her shoulder which had suddenly flared into life like a beacon.

Amazed at how Natalia zeroed in on the area she was most alarmed by, she heard Natalia leave in search of required items, joking at her to not go anywhere. When she returned, Olivia delighted in hearing Natalia's stomach rumble again and suggested getting food first, she could wait.

Somehow it was turned back on her again, calling her on her sometimes childlike behaviour, _well fine, I could do that_, she pouted. Natalia laughed.

"Besides, aren't _you_ hungry?"

Was she? She was fairly confident she was and when she thought about how little she'd eaten yesterday, she _had _to be hungry, right? And although her body was still yelling at her about being pounded and pushed, the dreadful pervading feeling of heaviness she'd felt yesterday afternoon was almost gone, almost.

As she pondered how to answer the question and give a truthful reply, she distantly heard Natalia fussing over her injury and couldn't resist looking from her shoulder to the focussed image of the woman above her, concentrating on her actions with her tongue poking out at the effort. She was unable to stop the hiss as the wound was dabbed at but revelled in the cool sensation of relief the antiseptic gave, along with the softness of the clean bandage as it was applied.

She felt wrapped in warmth again and remember how it felt, waking up only twenty odd minutes ago. Found herself wanting that again, needing it like an addict in need of a fix.

_You don't deserve her_. The echo of a voice whispered in her head.

"Well?" Natalia paused, "Tummy still bothering you?"

Disturbed by the abrupt intrusion of her dream and realising she hadn't answered yet, Olivia attempted to gather her thoughts. Wishing she could usher them away from the appalling dreamscape towards her new favourite place, the memory of being so lovingly held, she answered "I don't think so."

She wanted to answer more but couldn't, not right now, maybe later.

Natalia was looking at her expectantly.

As the moment stretched towards uncomfortable, a duet of rumbling stomachs resounded, "Guess that clearly answers that one huh? Come on, let's go get some food."

And with that Natalia stood up from the bed and turning, held out her hand to assist her.


	19. Chapter 19

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 19**

Having made independent trips to the bathroom, Natalia had started on breakfast and the all important coffee pot. When Olivia finally joined her in the kitchen, she turned to her with impeccable timing and handed her a cup, smiling as the other woman took a seat at the table and inhaled the aroma of caffeine.

"You know I was thinking," Olivia began.

"Dangerous," Natalia impudently interrupted as Olivia had done only a few days before.

Pausing to acknowledge the return volley, Olivia continued, "I was thinking how much I would love to wash my hair right now but..."

"What?"

Olivia looked sheepishly at her and then down at her hands, picking away at an invisible label on her coffee cup, "Well, it's just that, you've just redressed my shoulder and honestly, I um...I don't think I can do it on my own."

Natalia regarded her, how far they had come since the days when Olivia had tried to drive her away and force her out. Back then hurtful words had been her chosen form of attack, what was that saying, 'the best defence is a good offense'? Physically incapable of pushing Natalia away, Olivia had defended herself with words.

"_I cannot understand how Gus settled for a stupid, self-righteous woman like you. He deserved so much better."_

The words had stung. She had left, gone as far as the parking garage and yet in her mind she had already made her decision, knew what she had to do. Olivia's misplaced confession of how her praying for a heart had led to Gus' death gave Natalia a looking glass view into Olivia's troubled mind and a reason behind the older woman's lethargy and depression.

She'd requested some personal days that she could ill afford to take and headed back to confront this maddening, exasperating woman, determined to keep her alive. She remembered the feeling of elation she'd had when Olivia had finally uttered the word 'strawberry' at her, the first chink in an otherwise impenetrable armour of self-loathing, and was so stunned she had had to ask her to repeat herself.

Now here they were.

Olivia looked up, her expression hopeful and Natalia realised she'd been staring and hadn't answered yet. Shaking herself, she nodded, "Sure, yes of course. Think we better eat first though and tame that monster huh?"

She turned back to the breakfast things, trying to keep herself in the present.

~/\~

Olivia regarded herself in the mirror and stared into slightly bloodshot eyes. Considering this was meant to have been a vacation, her tan was atrocious, her skin only now starting to regain some colour after the green tinged grey of yesterday and her hair... She didn't consider herself a vain person necessarily; just a woman who liked to present herself well and the limp, lank locks framing her face were in desperate need of attention. _Don't want to scare the Jellybean._

Feeling the pull at her side from raising her arms, she lifted her shirt as best she could and turned to view how bad her bruises looked today. The largest bruise had turned out and was colouring up various shades of black, blue, red and purple, _well at least I didn't crack a rib_. Her stomach was sore though, a muscular ache where her abs had been forced to work overtime while she retched.

Twisting as best she could, she saw how at almost regular intervals along her back were the marks from where she'd fallen onto the shelving, creating a striking horizontal pattern that would make a zebra proud. With that and the vertical scar running down the front of her chest, vanity or not, she did not think she was looking her best. In fact, at this moment she found it hard to believe anyone would find her, what? _Attractive? Who exactly am I trying to attract? _

Besides, since her transplant her efforts in that direction had been sorely lacking and her thoughts turned to consider that maybe the person she _should_ be attracting would find her pleasing, scars and all. She certainly had enough of those didn't she, both inside and out?

_At least I'm alive, right?_ And with each day she was finding out more and more that she had a reason to _want_ to be alive.

A remnant of her dream echoed around her head again, snatches of voices, insinuating, probing.

Since the onset of her illness and fever the day before her mind had been like the river, steady, peaceful and calm one moment and then raging, hurtful and terrifying the next. Like the mud on the riverbed, stirred up by the churning water, all the crud she had filed away and marked 'not to be opened in a million years' wanted to spill out like mental flotsam.

_Snap out of it._

The voices laughed but left.

Heading into the kitchen, Olivia was enchanted by the way Natalia just seemed to know she was coming and like a practiced ballet of well coordinated movements, took the offered coffee cup. Taking a deep whiff of the caffeine in the hopes of kick-starting her still slightly foggy brain and killing off any remaining vestiges of her dream, she wondered if she could convince Natalia to help her with her hair.

"You know I was thinking," she knew the minute she began that Natalia would pay her back for her earlier interruption and allowed her her moment of smugness, "I was thinking how much I would love to wash my hair right now but..."

She'd started off so confidently, so sure and now that she was looking at Natalia she had to wonder if this was a smart move. _Damn it! Aren't I supposed to be the tough business 'mongrel'? And yet here I am, suddenly shy at wanting to ask this mere slip of a thing to..._

"What?"

Concentrating on her hands playing with her coffee cup to distract from her sudden nervousness, she shyly continued "Well, it's just that, you've just redressed my shoulder and honestly, I um... I don't think I can do it on my own."

She waited for a reply.

Olivia Spencer wasn't used to asking for things, taking, scheming and manipulating yes but asking? Not really her style but things had changed.

This woman before her now had taught her so much.

In the past, Olivia had to look out for number one because there had been so many disappointments, so many reasons to dig in, jump in the trench and defend herself. She thought back to her dream, her nightmare and recalled brief snatches of it where she was trying to make people understand that she was doing what she was doing for a reason.

There was always a reason.

Some, self-serving, that was true but too often it was from a deep seated need to put something right, make something right, to aid, to atone...

Natalia had yet to answer her question. She'd been staring off somewhere distant and Olivia was beginning to wonder what it was about her request that had momentarily spirited Natalia away into a daydream.

"Sure, yes of course. Think we better eat first though and tame that monster huh?"

Olivia hid her relief behind her cup and smiling, took a sip of her coffee as Natalia turned back to the breakfast preparations.

~/\~

"What time did you arrange for us to pick up Emma?" Olivia queried as they finished the last of their very enjoyable but safe breakfast. Safe in that it was tasty enough to be enjoyed but bland enough that Olivia could partake of it without fear of seeing it again, sooner rather than later.

"Um...don't think I actually gave a time. I was just so relieved when she offered to look after her for the evening. You are okay about that aren't you? I know I should've probably asked you first but..." Natalia look worried.

"Hey, it's fine, really. It was probably a much nicer experience for her than if she'd've been here last night."

There was a still a frown on the younger woman's face which indicated to Olivia that she was obviously re-evaluating her decisions. "Really, I'm okay with it. We'll just ring Ruth and find out when we can pick her up, I'm sure she must be regretting letting her granddaughter talk her into it by now."

"Are you kidding? If she's anything like you, she'll do anything to make that child happy."

"Yeah, I'm lucky she hasn't turned into some precocious little brat."

"She's too cute."

"And she knows it."

"I think she takes after her mother."

Olivia looked up, directly at her and held her gaze.

Natalia continued, "She's independent, wilful, smart."

"Don't forget cute." Olivia quipped.

"And of course cute. You're really very lucky to have her."

Natalia stood and began to clear away the breakfast things, "Let me get these things sorted and then we'll do your hair."

She turned back from the sink to the sudden silence in the room and saw Olivia with her hand rubbing her brow line, eyes closed.

"Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Hmm?" Olivia looked up and blinked. "Um, nothing, nothing's wrong. I'm fine." She pushed her chair back and stood, one hand still resting on the table. "I'll be back in a minute, I'm um, just going to ..." She pointed in the general direction of the bedroom and disappeared before Natalia could query further.

Looking heavenward, Natalia pondered, _what now?_


	20. Chapter 20

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 20**

Olivia had been unable to quell the sudden emotions that overcame her as they sat the table discussing her daughter. Whether it was her still less than perfect health or the nightmare that kept returning to plague her waking state, she didn't know but hearing Natalia comment how lucky she was to have her daughter was firing off synapses left and right.

Images flashed across her mind's eye, emotions swelled in waves and it was all she could do to excuse herself from the room as her brain threatened to expand outside the confines of her skull.

Her love for her daughter was beyond measure, beyond 'taking a bullet for you' love to 'blow the whole planet up for you' love.

She didn't understand why this was suddenly affecting her like it was but it was.

Where these days were meant to have allowed her the opportunity to step away from the busy norm of her working life and absent herself from the stares, the sympathy and the pity, it was apparent now that it had only served to clear the way of all other obstacles, to permit her brain free rein on whichever traumatic event it had decided to dig up and scrutinise.

With daily distractions removed, she was in turn being forced to confront issues thought long buried, whether she wanted to or not.

As she reached the bedroom, Olivia could feel the prickling sensation of new tears. Making her way around the bed to sit with her back to the door, she lowered her head to her hands and allowed the tears to fall.

Like a hostage forced to stare at the same random pictures over and over while bombarded with deafening noise in an attempt to brainwash, Olivia watched the catalogue of personal dramas like a slideshow in her mind.

When she thought she might pass out from the onslaught, there was a sound from the doorway.

"Hey," a voice said, "What's going on?"

~/\~

Natalia watched Olivia virtually scurry away from the kitchen and debated whether to follow.

_Give her some time_, she decided.

After such a glorious start to the day, Natalia wondered what had been said in the last few minutes that had Olivia going so quiet. It had been an intense quiet, like a drop in temperature, more than the sudden cessation of sound, it was as if Olivia had physically withdrawn from the room before practically running from it.

Reviewing their conversation there was nothing as far as Natalia could recollect that could have caused this change in behaviour. She knew Olivia could turn on a dime, a fact that both infuriated and intrigued her. She recalled how fast and furious Olivia's temper flared and yet how surprisingly sympathetic and caring she could be in the thump of a heartbeat.

Dishes done, Natalia, curious and eager to check on her friend, had indulged Olivia long enough. Approaching the bedroom she could see Olivia with her hands covering her face, shoulders moving in the telltale shudder of tears.

"Hey," she said, "What's going on?"

Olivia jumped, clearly startled by the voice behind her. Wiping at fresh tears she turned slightly and shook her head, gathering in a breath and seeming to be trying to puzzle out the answer before expelling a frustrated, plaintive, "I don't know."

The words were spoken with so much anguish that Natalia could feel her heart clenching. Wasting no more time, she moved to sit next to Olivia and pulled her into a hug.

Natalia considered the distressed woman once again held in her arms, "Well, what happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

Tears continued to fall as Olivia shook her head again, "I don't know. I just..." Olivia sniffled.

"Shh...take your time," advised Natalia, caressing the damaged woman as tenderly but reassuringly as possible, "You'll only make yourself sick again."

~/\~

Trying to control her breathing and stem the flow of tears, Olivia pulled away from their embrace and sat up, shaking her head as if to negate what was happening.

_Time to suck it up, this isn't me._

Natalia was watching her, her eyes lined with sadness as she took in the obviously piteous creature before her.

_Yeah, that's right Olivia, self-pity that always works. Damn it - get mad! Get mad at yourself, at the world, anything...anger's something you understand isn't it? _

_Not going your way? Fine, you've got two choices, get angry and fight or lay down and die, not like I haven't been around that merry-go-round before is it?_

_But I'm through with just taking it, you hear me? You can scream at me all you want but I'm done. Think all these memories scare me? They're nothing. I've lived them, that was scary enough and I've survived so...bring it on, I'm ready._

_Nothing scares Olivia 'freaking' Spencer. Nothing._

A hand on her arm broke through her internal efforts to shore up her strength of will and as she focussed on her surroundings again, she realised with a stark clarity, her last statement wasn't true.

_Natalia._

Natalia scared her.

Natalia made her think and feel and approach things in a way that was almost alien to the woman Olivia Spencer had become. And as much as she was trying to cast out her sudden overwhelming and debilitating sorrow with the one emotion she understood in spades, Natalia's mere presence and unflagging support poked through and jabbed at the hastily erected walls, to leave Olivia feeling once again exposed and raw.

Olivia reasoned if she were honest with herself, she was actually scared of many things but if not for Natalia, she could probably go on ignoring them.

~/\~

Natalia was becoming alarmed. Thinking Olivia was about to launch into some explanation of why she was so upset, she didn't know what to make of it when instead, Olivia merely sat back and assumed a trance-like state, her eyes unfocussed as if looking inward.

Searching for other visual clues of what was going on, Natalia noticed the same clenching and unclenching of Olivia's hands, as they had last night when caught in her nightmare. Her breathing pattern was still uneven, disrupted occasionally as a result of her earlier crying and tears continued to cascade freely down her reddened face to drop away from her tightened jaw.

Wondering if Olivia had developed some form of narcolepsy and fallen asleep where she sat, Natalia reached for her again and placed a hand on her arm, ready to guide her should her body fully relax and fall.

The contact though had Olivia, rather than startling back, slowly rising up from whichever depths of her psyche she had been plunged to.

Eyes held. Olivia's changing once again from sad, to angry, to afraid.

_Afraid?_

"Hey, where did you go? Are you alright? Is it your heart? Olivia?"

Staring eyes, holding her own, trying to communicate.

No answer.

~/\~

Olivia blinked.

The abrupt silence in her brain almost as deafening as her nightmare. Natalia was staring intently at her and she vaguely recalled a question.

"...'m fine," she cleared her throat and started again, "I'm fine."

"Hey, what's going on?" the dark haired woman's concern was evident, her face pulled into an expression of intense puzzlement and worry, one hand maintaining contact with Olivia's arm and the other twitching with hesitation, to reach out or not to reach out?

"Olivia, you're scaring me. Is it your heart? Talk to me."

Frightened herself, Olivia could feel the fresh tears falling and regardless of how much it pulled her side to do so, leant forward to lay her head on Natalia's lap, one arm curled and draped over a convenient thigh in the satisfying form of a hug.

~/\~

After what seemed an eternity, Olivia's response to her questions was to blink.

Having broken through the apparent paralysis, Natalia could see Olivia working to speak, a barely heard, 'fine', coming from her lips before her throat was cleared and a stronger, yet still unconvincing, "I'm fine," followed.

Disturbed by the return of this shell-shocked version of Olivia, Natalia feared another recurrence of their encounter last night and was torn with indecision whether to hug the woman or not.

Giving voice to her main concerns she asked, "Olivia, you're scaring me. Is it your heart? Talk to me."

It was then that Olivia surprised her again and as new tears fell, Olivia sank forward, her head coming to rest on Natalia's lap and Natalia felt herself being pulled into a one-armed hug.

Perplexed yet strangely pleased, Natalia began a soothing sweep of her fingers through Olivia's hair, scraping lightly at her scalp, her other hand naturally resting on Olivia's side.

Olivia exhaled.

Knowing that as much as she wanted to push, Olivia was not going to talk about this until she was ready. Natalia tried a different tack.

"Do you still want me to wash your hair?"

Olivia's head nodded.

"Okay but first you need to take your medication."

Olivia nodded again and as serious as the last few minutes had been, Natalia couldn't help a wry smile at how badly her last statement could be interpreted.

She continued stroking Olivia's hair, content to wait until Olivia was ready to move.


	21. Chapter 21

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 21**

As moments stretched into minutes Natalia began to wonder if Olivia had fallen back to sleep. It was as she was halfway through reviewing her mental list for the second time that Olivia finally stirred.

Pushing herself back into a sitting position and wiping her face Olivia said softly, "Sorry about that."

"What's to apologise for?" Natalia could tell by the way she kept looking away from her Olivia was embarrassed by her emotional outburst.

"I...I just," Olivia stuttered, either lost for words or reluctant to disclose.

"Was it something I said?"

"Oh god, no, no it wasn't that I just..."

"What then? Please, you can talk to me."

"I know I can it's..." Olivia's eyes had been searching around the room and now, looking cornered and edgy she pleaded, "Can we talk about this later?"

Natalia studied her, becoming more determined to get to the bottom of this but relenting for the moment she nodded, "Okay, for now but I want some answers Olivia."

Olivia looked at her, regretful and stricken, ready to bolt.

Choosing not to add her own fears to the pot, Natalia stood up, "Come on, let's go get your hair sorted out so we can go and pick up Emma."

~/\~

Having lain down onto Natalia's lap, Olivia floated.

After the intensity of the imagery and noise before, the combination of Natalia's hands and the steady pulse beneath her head, soothed and calmed her.

When Natalia queried about still washing her hair and taking her medication, she had nodded her agreement, she would have agreed to anything.

So, for the moment, Olivia floated.

As her sanity settled and her senses returned, she became aware of how much strain the position she was in was actually hurting her side and that she was unsure how to extricate herself after such an embarrassing outburst.

Sitting up, wiping what she hoped were the last of her tears and unable to look directly at the incredibly patient and giving woman before her, she apologised, "Sorry about that."

"What's to apologise for?"

How to answer that question?

"I...I just..."

"Was it something I said?"

_Oh way to go Olivia, now you've got her all worried and thinking it's_ her _fault._

"Oh god, no, no it wasn't that I just..."

"What then? Please, you can talk to me."

She knew she could and responded as such. More than probably anyone else she'd known, more than Buzz even, who seemed to be one of the only other people who actually 'got' her and could see beyond the facade the rest of the world took at face value. But what really could she tell her? _She probably already thinks I'm insane, probably thinks it's more than heart medication I need to be taking._

Looking around the room for answers, trying to avoid the steady, supportive stare before her and not really sure if she was sure of her own mind at that moment she pleaded, "Can we talk about this later?"

A beat.

"Okay..."

_Phew._

"For now."

_Drat._

"But I want some answers Olivia."

_Of course she does stupid. And maybe when I get some, maybe when I figure out just what the hell is going on I'll..._

"Come on, let's go get your hair sorted out so we can go and pick up Emma."

Thinking she'd dodged a bullet and grateful for a new distraction, Olivia smiled at the prospect of seeing Emma and finally getting her hair washed.

~/\~

"Okay, how do you want to do this? Bathtub or sink?"

Olivia considered for a moment, "Which is easier for you?"

"Ah ah...I can manage either way but you? You have injuries to consider so stop being macho and tell me which is going to hurt you less? Bobbed down and bent over the sink or kneeling over the bathtub?"

"Macho?"

"You heard me."

Olivia smiled, since leaving the bedroom Natalia had obviously decided to take a firmer approach with her, which could have raised her alpha hackles but she found it so endearingly cute she decided to play along with it.

"Well in that case, bathtub."

"You sure?"

Thinking she may have answered wrong she queried, "Sink?"

"No, no bathtub is fine. Grab those towels and I'll get the water running."

While Natalia checked the temperature of the water from the shower head, Olivia knelt next to the bath and placed a towel to the side and one on the tub itself to lean over.

Edging over the bath, Natalia knelt next to her. Using the water jets and her free hand she scraped Olivia's hair forward away from her neck and into the tub.

"Is the water okay?"

A mumbled "Yes."

Thoroughly wetting Olivia's hair, Natalia returned the shower head and then squeezed out some of Olivia's shampoo into her hand, the scent at once familiar.

Rubbing her hands together she looked at the penitent woman before her, hesitated for a moment and then reached over to begin massaging the shampoo into her hair.

Aware of how closely she was leaning into the kneeling woman, Natalia's hands stilled when Olivia let out what sounded like a groan.

"Am I hurting you? Are you alright there?"

The reply came back slowly, "I'm good."

Continuing with the massage until she was happy Olivia's scalp had been cleansed and concerned about the length of time it was taking, Natalia reached up for the shower head again before resuming her place by Olivia's side and rinsing the suds away, carefully directing them away from Olivia's eyes.

"Wait there a minute while I grab the towel, don't move yet okay?"

Switching off the water and returning the shower head again, Natalia reached for the extra towel and draped it over Olivia's head, gently pressing it against her hair to soak up the majority of the water before wrapping around and fixing it in place as Olivia sat back up.

Olivia looked flushed.

"You okay?"

"Great thanks, that felt...um, feels wonderful."

Helping Olivia stand she asked, "Shall I make some more coffee?"

"You really are a godsend."

Smiling Natalia replied, "I have my moments. I'll go get another pot started, then we really need to ring Ruth and sort out about picking up Emma."

Turning to leave she continued, "And don't think of trying to dry your hair yourself Ms Spencer, I'll be back in a bit."

With that, she left.

~/\~

From the moment she'd knelt beside the bathtub Olivia was starting to question whether this was such a good idea. Then she felt the warmth of Natalia beside her and the water jets in her hair and could only mumble a 'yes' when asked if the water was okay.

It was like being back in her place of refuge, the place she hadn't realised how much she wanted or needed until last night. Then, she'd been caught up in a dream she could not break free from until the gentle sensation running through her hair and the warmth at her side broke apart all the tethers holding her in place and allowed her to be free and breathe.

Now she luxuriated in experiencing it again.

Thinking there could be no better place on earth, Olivia was surprised to discover new degrees of better as fingers began to push through the strands of her hair and massage her scalp, the shampoo cold after the water's warmth.

Bliss.

The fingers stopped.

A voice close to her ear, "Am I hurting you? Are you alright there?"

Clawing her way back to the real world and wondering what she had done to elicit such a response she gradually answered with understatement, "I'm good."

The fingers continued again and Olivia internally sighed.

Too soon the shower head was rinsing away the suds and Olivia made a slight move to reach for the towel before hearing Natalia telling her not to.

Then a towel was draped over her head, tamping down gently on her wet hair and she was finally allowed to sit back up.

"You okay?"

_Are you kidding?_ "Great thanks, that felt...um, feels wonderful."

Natalia helped her stand and her knees appreciated the relief, almost as much as her entire self did when Natalia offered to make more coffee.

"You really are a godsend."

Acknowledging her words and reminding her they still needed to call Ruth, Olivia was nearly struck dumb when Natalia delivered her parting shot and scuppered her next plan. Then she considered, what could be so bad having someone dry your hair as well?

_If it's as good as the washing – nothing._


	22. Chapter 22

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 22**

"Hello, Ruth?"

"Yes, hello. Is that Natalia?"

"Yeah, hi."

"How are you my dear and how is Olivia this morning? Better?"

"Much, thank you," _if you didn't count all the weirdness earlier._ "How's Emma? Ready to come home yet?"

"Oh my lord, the pair of them. I'm not sure they slept at all last night, giggling all the time. I can't thank you enough for allowing her to stay over."

"It's us who are grateful, really, thank you." Natalia looked up as Olivia entered the kitchen. "Is Emma there?"

"Yes, she is. Let me just call her."

As Natalia waited with her hand over the mouthpiece, Olivia asked, "Is she okay?"

Natalia nodded, "Just gone to get her, do you want to speak to her?" She started to hand the phone over to her.

"I'll wait, you carry on."

A voice sounded near her chin and she raised the phone back to her ear again, "Mommy?"

"No honey, it's Natalia. Mommy's here though. Are you okay? Would you like to speak to her?"

"I've had a great time. We made a tent in the woods with this blanket and it was just like a secret hideout and then last night, we couldn't stop laughing although I'm not really sure what we laughing at but it was really fun and did you know that Jane's gran is from England? She has so many stories and then today, today when we got up there was a mountain of food for breakfast and I didn't think I'd be able to move..."

"Hey, slow down. You'll give yourself hiccups."

Emma giggled.

"Let me pass you over to your mom, she's waiting. Hang on." She passed the phone to Olivia.

"Hey Jellybean, what's up?"

"Hi Mommy, we've done so much! I've got so much to tell you. Did you know..."

Natalia watched as Olivia listened, occasionally getting the odd yes into the conversation and obligatory 'uh hmm'. At one point, Olivia looked up and rolled her eyes at her suddenly verbose daughter and Natalia sniggered in response.

Finally cutting in Olivia said, "Honey, it sounds like you're having a wonderful time, why don't you tell us all about it when we see you?"

There was a silence on the end of the line.

"Emma? What's wrong?"

"Um," Olivia sensed her daughter's hesitation. Natalia looked at her questioningly.

"Um, I was hoping...Jane and I were going to have a tea party this afternoon and...well...can I stay a bit longer mommy? Please?"

Fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, Olivia understood Emma's desire to stay and play with her new friend but she was concerned about overstepping Ruth's hospitality and truthfully, she really wanted to hold her daughter again.

"I don't know Emma, let me speak to Ruth, is she still there?"

"Yes, she's here. _Please_ mommy?"

Olivia heard the sound of the phone being passed over and mouthed to the still waiting Natalia, 'she wants to stay longer'.

"Hello? Olivia?"

"Hi Ruth."

"I understand you're better dear, are you?"

"I'm on the mend thank you. Did you hear my daughter?"

"Couldn't help not I'm afraid, Jane's stood here looking at me pleadingly, in fact the pair of them are pulling the most adorable puppy dog faces you've ever seen."

Olivia chuckled at the image.

"I don't want to..."

"It's really not a problem..."

They both started together. Ruth continued, "Really, if you have no other plans, I'm more than happy to have Emma here."

"You really are very kind. Either that or I see that Emma has woven her magic spell over yet another unsuspecting victim."

"Not at all, she really is a pleasure. Did you want to arrange a later time to collect her or I can drop her back?"

Having worked out that, for the moment Emma was going to stay; shrieks and squeals could be heard over the phone as the two girls began excitedly chattering and planning their afternoon.

"I take it that was a popular decision," Olivia winced as she drew the phone back from her ear, even Natalia had heard.

"You think?" Ruth responded wryly.

"We'll collect her later on then in time for supper; I don't want to put you out anymore than we already have."

"Not at all, not at all. We'll see you then. Have a pleasant day and look after yourselves."

"Thank you again, we'll see you later. Bye."

"Bye."

Olivia looked at the phone in her hands.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Hmm...Yeah. I just miss her."

"Me too." Natalia stepped forward, took the phone from her and then took her hand. "Come on, let's dry your hair and decide what we want to do today."

~/\~

Feeling somewhat human again by virtue of having clean hair, fortified with her last cup of coffee and having finally taken her heart medication, Olivia suggested, "What about a hike in the woods?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"You really feel up for that?"

"Well, not a _hike_, hike but a walk, you know, some good ol' fresh country air, do me a world of good. What do you say?"

"I say have you got a fever again because that's starting to sound like crazy talk."

Now it was Olivia's turn, "Huh?"

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Um, actually yes, I am but if you don't want to then..."

"No, no, that's fine. I'm good, we can go...walk in the woods."

Sensing more than a hint of hesitation at her idea, Olivia tried to puzzle out what was wrong and waited for Natalia to fill the silence at her unspoken question.

"It's just that I'm not that 'outdoorsy', being from Chicago you know, big city and all that."

Olivia laughed but stopped when she saw the hurt face before her.

"If it really bothers you we won't go but it's not like we're hiking out into the back of beyond, just taking a walk through the woods."

"What about bugs?" Natalia asked.

"Um...comes with the territory? Besides, it's not the bugs you have to worry about, it's the wildlife." Olivia waggled her eyebrows and then realising that joking about this was not going to help her case as she witnessed the widening of Natalia's eyes, Olivia reasoned, "Look, we'll be fine. We don't have to go too far and it'll get us out of this cabin for a bit."

Natalia twisted her mouth in consideration. Sensing she might be persuading her, Olivia added, "Hey, I'll protect you."

Somehow, that did the trick.

~/\~

Twenty minutes later, dressed for a walk in the woods and with a bag packed with water bottles, some sandwiches prepared by Natalia and a host of snacks thrown in by Olivia 'just in case', the pair set off away from the cabin into the surrounding woodland.

Natalia had been hesitant for a lot of reasons, she really wasn't a fan of the big outdoors but Olivia seemed to want to do this and after all she'd been through, this was her vacation after all. It didn't stop Natalia from being concerned that the older woman may be pushing herself though and truthfully, she wasn't wholly convinced her health had improved enough for this to be a good idea.

Nevertheless, Olivia seemed to be buoyed with a boundless energy since they'd left the cabin and seeing her in such good spirits was infectious. Maybe this walk in the woods thing wouldn't be so bad after all.

~/\~

Olivia was grateful to be away from the confines of the cabin and out into the open air again as she was beginning to associate the cabin walls with the tethers in her dream and desperately wanted to escape their suffocating hold.

Inhaling the combined wooded scent of earth and purer air, Olivia could not stop the bounce in her step.

"You're really enjoying this aren't you?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I used to love walking around the island when I was a little girl. Seeing Emma take such an interest in the natural world like she does reminds me so much of me at that age."

They were taking it easy, a casual pace of steady steps and following a natural path through the woods. Overhead, sunlight was breaking through the canopy of trees and casting beams of light around them and other than the sound of leaves rustling as birds took flight or wildlife foraged, it was silent.

"I bet you were a tomboy when you were younger."

"Heh, yeah, I guess."

Olivia could feel her mind slipping back to when she was younger, playing with her brother and sister and then inevitably, she thought of her mother. Shaking her head and keeping her eyes on the path ahead she asked, "What about you?"

"Me? Oh I was a good little girl spending hours with her dollies having tea parties and playing with bake sets, you know the usual."

Olivia chuckled, "Really? Never would've guessed."

Natalia joined in, "Yeah, hard to believe I know. We didn't have much but my mom made sure I had a dolly. I called her Jessica and she went everywhere with me."

"I bet you still have her don't you?"

A sad looked crossed Natalia's face, "No, I don't know what happened to her. After a while I think she used to just sit in my room and then, then there was Rafe to consider so..." she trailed off.

"When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"Before we left. He knew I was going to be away for a bit, in fact I think he wanted me to go more than I did, not that I didn't want to, this was my idea after all, just that..."

"He's a man now and having his mother show up every five minutes doesn't give the right impression eh?"

"Yeah, something like that, yeah."

"Well, as much as I know you miss him, hopefully this will give him some perspective and he'll appreciate you even more, absence making the heart grow fonder and all that."

"Maybe, I just want him home."

"Come on, let's head over that way." Olivia keen to maintain the high spirits of earlier, indicated a tiny glade amidst the trees.

"Are you ready to stop for a bit?" Natalia looked at her watch surprised to find they'd been walking for just over an hour. "Are you hungry yet?"

Olivia smiled, "We've got some snacks don't we?"

"Not snacks, some food." Rolling her eyes again at Olivia's one track snack mind. "And no pouting or the answer's definitely no."

Together they headed for the glade.


	23. Chapter 23

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 23**

Once they entered the glade and picked a spot, Natalia was compelled to complete a full visual sweep of the ground they were going to sit upon before doing so and then found herself constantly looking round as if nervous some wild animal was going to leap out and attack them.

She was aware she was the source of some amusement for Olivia, who was trying hard not to laugh and was clearly happy to plonk herself down where she stood.

Although it didn't meet up to her usual high sanitary standards, the area was good enough for now and Natalia began to unpack their food and hand it out.

"Take some water, don't want you getting dehydrated." She passed the bottle over to Olivia.

Dutifully Olivia drank from the bottle and opened her food parcel.

"Oh will you stop, nothing is going to come charging out of the woods."

Natalia on an intellectual level knew this to be true but on an instinctual level, she was totally out of her comfort zone, making every snapping twig and every unexpected and therefore unexplained noise momentous and disconcerting.

Thinking that conversation might counter the suddenly oppressive and dangerous sounding environment, Natalia asked, "So how are you feeling now, better?"

Mouth wrapped around a sandwich and taking a bite, Olivia nodded as she chewed. Swallowing she answered, "Nothing like the healing power of some fresh air and a good walk to get the blood pumping. Did I mention I used to be married to Josh Lewis and that meant hunting?"

Natalia scrunched up her nose in distaste, "Never saw the appeal but I recall hearing it somewhere."

"To each their own right?" Olivia shrugged.

"Did you actually hunt?"

"Not necessarily in the wide outdoors, no." Olivia smirked.

Finishing up their food, withholding the snacks for now, they cleared away all their rubbish.

The silence returned and Natalia watched as Olivia tipped her head back, closed her eyes and seemed to scent the wind.

Olivia was becoming an object of fascination for Natalia; it was like studying a new language, having to learn all the subtleties, the idioms, understanding beyond what was being said to the meaning behind it. She was discovering that she was becoming rather adept at 'Olivia'.

Wanting so badly to ask about earlier today, Natalia watched as Olivia drew in a breath, exhaled slowly and prepared to stand. Thinking the moment lost for now, Natalia also stood and readied herself to follow.

~/\~

Olivia contained her mirth at Natalia's expense but was beginning to feel the effects of their walk on her energy levels and dropped gracelessly to the ground where she stood.

A bottle was passed to her with a warning not to dehydrate, so she drank and watched Natalia jump as the sound of a bird scampering in the undergrowth for food magnified across the glade.

"Oh will you stop, nothing is going to come charging out of the woods."

Natalia had the decency to look sheepishly at her and then Olivia could see the wheels turning and the intake of breath as a query came forth, "So how are you feeling now, better?"

Mouth full, she nodded. _At least I'm currently keeping that dream at bay._

In many ways she had been more alarmed at the dream than her physical condition, probably because she could see and knew her injuries would heal. Matters of the brain and psyche however...

She answered something trite and then as if in explanation spoke of Josh, she wasn't exactly sure to what Natalia 'never saw the appeal' but took it to mean the hunting. Then, when Natalia asked if she'd hunted, she couldn't help but think of the many corporate grounds she'd hunted on and how Josh had once been one of her many prey.

Meal complete and saving the snacks for later, they cleared away their rubbish and sat in silence for a while.

Wondering if they should press on a bit further knowing they would have to do the same distance back or be sensible and turn back now, Olivia mentally reviewed her status. _Side and back a little sore, shoulder fine if I don't swing my arms too much and pleasantly but not overly tired._

Tipping back her head to soak up the quietness, she decided she didn't want to go back yet, she wasn't ready. Decision made, she stood and heard Natalia follow suit.

"Are you okay to go on a bit further?" she asked.

Natalia was looking at her again as if she had just been asked to choose between door number one and two.

"Okay, a bit. But I still think you're overdoing it."

As if to prove her wrong, Olivia bounced in place, smiled and continued on.

~/\~

_Damn!_

"Natalia?"

"I'm here! Over here!"

The soft thud of footsteps approaching over the woodland floor.

"Where? Natalia! Where are you?"

Natalia could hear the distress in her friend's voice and bit down on her bottom lip before responding, "Down here. Mind your step."

She could hear Olivia's breathing now, fast and heavy.

"Natalia?"

"Here. I'm here."

A face appeared over the edge of the tiny ravine she'd fallen into and she wondered briefly how bad she looked that the colour was draining from Olivia's face. _Stupid, stupid, ow..._

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Natalia..." Olivia sounded almost frantic.

"I'm okay, nothing broken. I think I um..."

Olivia was now crawling over the edge to join her at the base. It really was a small ravine but it had been hidden from view and carelessly, she had planted her foot onto a stone that had in turn twisted her and then launched her backwards into her current predicament.

"Just stay there, I'm coming. Don't move okay?"

She was beginning to feel silly now, convinced that her pride was the most hurt but Olivia looked so scared and anxious, she did as she was told.

"Hey, I'm okay, really I'm fine. Just had the wind knocked out of me."

Olivia immediately took Natalia's face in her hands and swept back her hair, "Are you sure you're okay, you've got a cut here."

Reaching into their bag, Olivia removed a tissue and dabbed it on the cut, Natalia winced slightly and raised her hand towards it, "Ah ah, I think it's just a scratch but leave it alone."

Having been cautioned, Natalia dropped her hands again and watched as Olivia began a quick visual check to be sure she could be moved. Feeling very foolish now, Natalia negated the, in her eyes overkill of care and began moving and pushing herself to sit up.

"Hey, take it easy." Olivia moved in to support her.

"Ow."

"What? What is it? What 'ow'? Where?"

Waiting for Olivia to run out of steam so she could actually answer she indicated her ankle. "I think I may have twisted it." She drew in a breath as a twinge blossomed out, up to her kneecap and down to the tip of her toes.

"Let me check." Crawling on hands and knees, Olivia moved towards Natalia's ankle and carefully took her foot in her hands, heel cradled by her palm.

The further intake of breath had Olivia apologising, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let me just take a look."

Carefully fingering around the ankle, Olivia could detect a distinct swelling.

"Well?"

"I'd say you've definitely twisted it, possibly even sprained." She was rummaging around now for her cell. "Damn it!"

"What?" Natalia, even though uncomfortable could see her friend becoming more distraught.

"No signal. Shit!" Frustrated, Olivia slammed her cell shut and sat back on her heels. After a beat, she turned to Natalia and guiltily apologised, "I'm sorry, that wasn't very helpful was it?"

Natalia smiled, "I could try standing up."

Olivia cast a wary glance at her and then down her ankle. "Somehow I doubt that's the best thing to do."

"Maybe so but I for one have no intention of staying out here in these woods any longer than I have to."

She was already anxiously glancing around figuring she had fallen into some animal's trap and any minute now they were going to see what had been caught for dinner.

"Fine but first we're going to try and wrap it. I'd rather leave your trainer on to give more support but I don't know how well this will work. Don't suppose you brought the first aid kit with you did you?" Olivia enquired hopefully.

"Considering I was going somewhere with you, I was tempted but no, sorry, I didn't."

"Okay, well, I've seen them do this on TV so, how hard can it be right?"

Reaching for her t-shirt under her jacket, Olivia began to tug at the seam and managed to tear a strip of material. "What do you think? Crop top?"

Natalia laughed.

"Okay now this may hurt a bit but it'll help okay?"

Natalia nodded and Olivia, having as delicately as possible removed her trainer, began to wind the strip of fabric tightly over and around her foot and heel to secure her ankle.

"We really need to get some ice on this and then elevate it." She said as she loosened the trainer laces even further to slide Natalia's foot back in.

"You're really good at this you know?"

"Um, thanks. Okay, you ready to try and stand or do you want to wait for a bit?"

"No, I'm ready."

Olivia stood first and then reached down, Natalia grasping her hand and with all her weight on her other foot, attempted to rise. Halfway up Natalia made the mistake of putting her injured foot down and the resultant pain had her falling back, in the process pulling on Olivia's arm and nearly sending the pair of them backwards into the dirt.

So caught in her own world of discomfort, she didn't hear the grunt above her.

Sounding breathless, Olivia said, "Shall we try that again?"

Natalia nodded, reached up and this time, with a hop to adjust her balance, made it upright. _Step one, now we just have to get back._


	24. Chapter 24

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 24**

"Natalia?"

Olivia had stopped briefly to follow some movement up in the trees, hand shielding her eyes like a sailor looking for dry land. Having pinpointed a squirrel as the origin of her interest and maintaining a visual on its antics as it scampered up one tree bark to then hop and jump over to another, she was about to point it out to Natalia, when she turned back to find herself alone.

Instantly worried, she'd called out.

"I'm here! Over here!"

The acoustics within the trees bounced Natalia's voice around and had Olivia running at best guess to where it came from. When Natalia still wasn't in view, she called again, "Where? Natalia! Where are you?"

"Down here. Mind your step."

_Down here? Where?_ Off to her left, close by and still no sign.

Olivia could feel her heart rate accelerating. Cautiously edging forward through tall, thick grass, Olivia peered over into a gully, a natural channel where the river obviously poured through when seasonally flooded. Looking back up at her with an expression best described as embarrassment tinged with pain, was Natalia.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Natalia..."

Her friend wasn't moving, just lying there looking back up at her, a thin line of blood running from her forehead down past her eye. How bad must Olivia's reaction look that her friend was trying to reassure _her_ that she was alright before she began to push herself up.

Olivia's heart sped up again, not a good thing for a woman with her condition, and while her eyes were drawn to the very present red line, she was aware that any type of fall could have unseen injuries. Allowing her mind free rein to imagine the worst possible scenarios, she advised she was coming and that Natalia really shouldn't move.

Natalia stilled her efforts and waited while Olivia carefully lowered herself into the trench.

Finally next to the fallen woman, Olivia took Natalia's face in her hands and inspected the cut. Knowing that head wounds were prone to bleeding, she found a tissue and with slightly shaking hands, dabbed at the injury.

Now that she'd ascertained it wasn't serious and just a scratch, her heart began to slow and she ran her eyes up and down Natalia's body, feeling both relief and frustration when Natalia took matters into her own hands again and began to sit up. Insistent that she take it easy, Olivia moved behind her and was surprised by the invective 'ow'.

"What? What is it? What 'ow'? Where?" Olivia ranted, alarmed now that sitting up hadn't been such a good idea.

When Natalia indicated her ankle, Olivia crawled to the offending body part and as delicately as possible felt around the area. _Sprained, damn it! _Olivia's thoughts were already trying to work out how they were going to get back to the cabin with the minimum of discomfort to Natalia. Reaching for her cell, the panic which had been slowly rising since Natalia had first disappeared finally exploded in a frustrated expletive. _Stupid cell, stupid walk, stupid weekend..._

Knowing Natalia would disapprove and conscious she wasn't really helping matters, she took a calming breath and apologised.

Natalia smiled at her and offered to try standing up.

Aware she needed to keep the foot elevated, Olivia did not think standing the smartest thing to do but having seen how Natalia was anxiously glancing round into the woods again, she knew her friend was considering the likelihood of her being dinner to some scheming mammal. It also meant that Natalia would probably not want to be left here while she went ahead and got some help, even if she just found an area where a signal could get through it could still mean several hours, waiting alone and feeding into her fear of what was waiting for her. No, Olivia did not want to leave her like that.

So if she couldn't be left, there'd have to go back together.

Having established no first aid kit, she reached around to her t-shirt seam and tugged until she heard it tearing before removing a usable strip to bind Natalia's ankle with. Glancing down at her new designer fashion and rapidly cooling abs she joked, "Crop top?"

Natalia laughed again.

_Okay, now focus because this is going to hurt her a little._

Unlacing Natalia's trainer so it would slide from her foot, Olivia began to tightly wrap the strip of fabric over, under and around the swollen ankle. She then slipped the trainer back on again for support, finally giving voice to the fact it should be iced and elevated, both things that would have to wait until they made it back to the cabin.

"You're really good at this you know?"

Strangely shy at the praise, Olivia wondered if Natalia would need more time before continuing on, even though she knew the return journey would be slow going and wanting to be back there now.

"No, I'm ready."

Standing, Olivia reached down for Natalia who took her hand and began to haul herself to her feet. When Natalia's legs buckled beneath her from accidentally placing the swollen appendage on the ground, Olivia, who was still taking Natalia's weight, felt her shoulder pull and couldn't avoid the resultant grunt as her own injury made itself known again.

Concerned only with helping Natalia to her feet so they could be on their way, Olivia attempted take two and this time successfully had Natalia upright, if clinging to her for support as she hopped to maintain her balance.

_Now what?_

~/\~

"Okay, keep your eye out for a big stick."

They had been slowly trudging along for a good five minutes, Natalia leaning heavily on Olivia as she hop shuffled her way over the uneven woodland floor.

"I've been looking." She retorted, finding her usually unending patience waning with each torturous step. "Never takes them this long to find one when they're on TV."

Olivia let out a snort. "Well, I hate to break it to you but we're not on TV and there's no prop guy about to place a handy dandy walking stick conveniently in our path."

"Would be nice."

"Wouldn't it?"

"At least it's taking my mind off the bugs."

"Thank heaven for small mercies eh?"

"Yea...ow."

"Hey, watch your step. I don't want to have to carry you if you sprain your other ankle."

"Do you think you could?"

"What carry you? Is that a genuine question?"

"Um...just considering my options."

"I'm sure with the right motivation and level of adrenaline I could but for now, let's keep it moving shall we?"

They continued on in near silence, each focussed on their own thoughts and both looking out for a possible walking stick to aid Natalia.

While her swollen ankle gently throbbed, both legs were beginning to ache, one from holding it in a position which prevented it from striking the ground and the other from constantly having all her weight on it. She leaned more heavily into Olivia for support, guilty for being an additional burden when she knew Olivia was still recovering from her ordeal but anxious to get back.

After persisting on and with no walking stick in sight, Natalia glanced at her companion and it was then she noticed just how much Olivia was perspiring and how each breath was short, puffed out in time with their slow progress. Knowing how driven Olivia could be, she decided to suggest they stop for a bit. "Olivia?"

"Hm."

"Um, can we stop for a moment?"

Olivia continued their forward movement.

Unsure if she'd heard yet knowing she couldn't possibly not have, Natalia flashed back to the Olivia of two days ago, Emma in her arms, doggedly determined to make it back to safety. She tried again. "Hey, I need to stop a minute."

Braking to an abrupt halt, Natalia steadied herself against Olivia again before lowering herself to sit, unable to prevent the cursory glance around the area before dropping thankfully to the ground.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked as she began removing the water bottle and fussing solicitously around her again.

"I just needed to sit for a bit."

An intense stare drilled into her and registered that Natalia was not about to break in half. Olivia lowered herself to sit next to the dark haired woman and took a sip from her own bottle.

Natalia regarded her, she had noticed the barely restrained wince as Olivia sat and now her own curiosity and concern forced her to ask, "What about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm good." Olivia looked at her watch and then up to the sky. "Really think we should be making a move though. We still have a way to go and I don't want to be out here when it's dark."

Natalia, happy to let it go for the moment, shuddered at the thought as her imagination sprang to life.

"You needn't worry," Olivia continued, "I told you I'd protect you."

Oddly, Natalia found that thought highly comforting.

~/\~

The slow advancement back towards their cabin with Natalia's weight bearing down upon her side was becoming wearisome. Even though Natalia wasn't exactly a heavyweight, the pressure on her bruised skin and aching muscles was starting to smart and Olivia didn't even want to think about what she'd done to her shoulder. In fact she was resisting the temptation to look by doggedly pressing on and vainly hoping for a stick large enough to be used as a crutch so that Natalia's weight could be transferred off of her.

Her shoulder had virtually screamed at her when she'd attempted to haul Natalia to her feet, only to be wrenched further when Natalia failed the first time to attain an upright stance. She was still trying to block out the noise from her memory of what sounded like skin ripping and was sure she'd torn the wound open again.

More concerned with getting Natalia back to take care of her ankle though, Olivia ignored the burning sensation and allowed it to dull into an aching throb that pulsed with every beat of her heart.

When Natalia had asked whether Olivia had the ability to carry her, her carefully worded response managed to hide her terror that Natalia actually needed her to but if pushed to do it, she had no doubt she'd be capable.

They had continued on, the ever elusive stick remaining hidden and Olivia's shoulder was starting to feel numb. Even though her midriff had become exposed due to her earlier bandage requirements, the strain, coupled with her aggravated injuries was making her sweat.

When her vision blurred momentarily she wondered at first if she was going to pass out before realising it was sweat running into her eyes.

Natalia's voice was distantly calling her name.

"Hm?" she responded.

Natalia was saying something again. Olivia kept moving, a vague recollection of trudging determinedly to the cabin once before flittered across her memory.

"Hey, I need to stop a minute."

Olivia stopped. Too quickly, as Natalia's momentum had her catching hold of Olivia to slow down.

Disturbed that she'd been so focussed on herself, she turned to Natalia now seated on the ground and asked, "Are you okay?" as she handed over a water bottle.

She stared intensely into Natalia's eyes and happy with what she saw there allowed herself a moment of rest, the act of sitting bringing to life the dull aches of earlier to a prominent level again.

"What about you? Are you okay?" a voice beside her asked.

Damn. I can't have her worrying about me. Get it together Olivia.

"I'm good." she looked at her watch and then the sky to see if they were going to be in danger at their current pace of having to negotiate the area in reduced visibility. "Really think we should be making a move though. We still have a way to go and I don't want to be out here when it's dark."

She felt Natalia tense beside her and almost chuckled again at her friend's overactive imagination.

"You needn't worry," Olivia continued, "I told you I'd protect you."

And it was a promise she was determined to keep.


	25. Chapter 25

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 25**

_Can't be much further, can it?_

Natalia had been aware for a while now that even if she was incapable of walking at a normal pace, they had slowed noticeably over the last twenty minutes or so.

Olivia, firmly at her side, arm wrapped around her middle, had solidly propped her up for the entire length of their journey but had become very quiet, too quiet for Natalia's liking. She'd also noticed there were a few times recently where Olivia had stumbled, leaving Natalia the precarious balancing job of remaining on her one leg while also attempting to support Olivia's weight.

When Olivia stumbled again in the space of a few steps, Natalia decided enough was enough.

"Hey, Olivia? I really need to stop again."

"Hm? Oh yeah, sure. Let me help."

In an almost practiced routine, Natalia made her way to the ground, while Olivia appeared to waver above her.

"Why don't you sit down for a moment? You must be about as beat as I am."

Olivia looked hesitant and then sat.

Sitting at the same level, Natalia noticed the sheen and slightly unhealthy pallor Olivia was sporting again. Fearing she was having a relapse of some sort and determined to make the most of this rest stop, Natalia tried to start up a conversation. While there were many things she still wanted an answer to, she figured there was a least one safe topic she could count on, as long as it didn't have Olivia suddenly charging ahead.

Turning to the woman who had just put her cell away after checking it for a connection for the umpteenth time, she watched as Olivia wiped her brow and let her hands fall relaxed between her legs, elbows on her thighs.

"I bet Emma isn't having this much fun," she speculated.

The quirking of lips, "Hm, if only we'd brought a blanket eh?"

Natalia knew she was looking at Olivia funny when she followed up with, "We could've made a tent."

"How's the ankle?" Olivia continued.

Natalia regarded it, "I'm thinking I wasn't built for this terrain, maybe a nice solid sidewalk, the occasional dirt track but that's about as adventurous as I want to go."

"Maybe you should try adventurous now and again. You might surprise yourself."

"Or end up with a sprained ankle."

"Well there is that." Olivia sighed, "You know I worry. I look at Emma and I see this formidable little girl who tends to go after what she wants and I worry that she's going to..."

"What?" Natalia asked when Olivia appeared to trail off mid-sentence. "She sounds just like her mother."

"Fitting, I was going to say that she's going to go after the wrong thing."

Natalia was about to protest when Olivia spoke again, her voice strained, "It's my job to protect her."

Not knowing where this was coming from but keen to keep Olivia in the now, Natalia responded, "You do Olivia. You do protect her, you love her and cherish her and she is a very lucky little girl. You should be proud."

Olivia was shaking her head now, "You don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Do you know how many times Emma has been taken from me? How many times I have been threatened with the life of my daughter? _Do you?_"

Natalia really didn't know but her curiosity was peaked now and she was unable to stop herself from asking, "Is that why you threatened Gus with a gun?"

Eyes turned to lock on hers and narrowed. A questioning tilt to her head and Olivia's brow furrowed further, "What did you say?"

"Last night, you...it looked like you were holding a gun. On Gus. You were saying something about..."

Olivia was shaking her head now, "No, you can't possibly, you weren't there."

"I, it's just that it sounded like Gus had done something, taken Emma or..."

"He, he threatened me. You have to understand that, he took my little girl and he threatened me. They all did, Philip, Gus, even Reva, can you believe that? All of them, taking my daughter away from me."

Noting that Olivia was progressively getting worked up and berating herself for allowing it, Natalia attempted to calm things down again.

"I do find it hard to believe, yes. Nobody should harm another's child or use a child in that manner. I understand, really I do."

"We have to get back. We've got to pick Emma up and I don't want to be late."

Olivia abruptly stood up, turning to resume her role as Natalia's crutch, when Natalia noticed an unusual dark patch at the belt line of Olivia's jeans.

"Olivia?"

Caught up in her need to get back to Emma, Olivia ignored Natalia's query.

"Come on, we need to get going. I'll carry you if I have to but we can't stay here."

"Olivia is that blood?" Natalia was trying to pull Olivia close enough to lift her cropped top.

"What? No, it's no...'s not..."

Natalia watched in dismay as Olivia wobbled and then collapsed.

~/\~

The repetition of one foot in front of the other was becoming a mantra of sorts. Thinking back on some of her many harebrained ideas, suggesting going for a walk in the woods was gradually becoming top of the list, correction, deciding to go on further than they'd originally gone was top of the list because up to that point everything had been okay.

_And whose idea was it to keep going, hm?_

Since their last stop, Olivia had been attempting to maintain a regular steady pace but worryingly, she was finding it increasingly difficult to lift her legs enough to allow for ground clearance as she was sure that was the second time she'd caught her foot and been forced to stumble.

And the less she did that the better because it was having the effect of Natalia pulling on her side to regain balance and numb as her side was becoming, her head was starting to thicken so that each footfall caused a dull thud to reverberate around her skull and through her brain.

Needing to wipe the perspiration falling into her eyes and blurring her vision, she was somewhat relieved when Natalia called another halt but was increasingly aware that they needed to keep moving to ensure they got back in a reasonable time to collect Emma.

After helping Natalia to sit, she began weighing her options, whether to continue at their current pace against the benefits of going ahead and leaving Natalia._ Nope, not going to happen, I'm not going to abandon her here._

"Why don't you sit down for a moment? You must be about as beat as I am."

Could Natalia tell? Could she see that Olivia was half afraid that if she sat down she'd never get up again and that would never do as she had somewhere to be. Thinking she'd draw more attention to herself if she argued, Olivia sat and removed her cell phone in hopes of finally getting a connection. No such luck, _maybe I should consider changing my provider._

"I bet Emma isn't having this much fun."

"Hm, if only we'd brought a blanket eh?" Olivia found Natalia's expression to this amusing and much as the idea of laying down right now appealed, followed up with "We could've made a tent."

After querying how Natalia's ankle was, Olivia was saddened that Natalia still seemed to want to play things safe. She recalled how much she had had to push Natalia before, _"Oh, just grow a backbone. I mean, really, how can you stand there and lecture me about my life and fighting for it when you just roll over like a scared kitten. Why don't you take a chance?" _Hadn't taking a chance worked out well back then?

_Certainly did for me_. She wanted to remind Natalia of that but Natalia seemed to be taking the pragmatic view again and using her ankle to illustrate her point.

Unable to argue against such evidence, Olivia found her thoughts returning to Emma, how wilful and headstrong and how scarily like her. No matter how kind Natalia's words were intended to be though, Olivia's mind, which had begun registering a distant buzz, began slipping; regressing and thoughts of her own mother came to the forefront.

She'd been so wrong, so childish when she thought she was being so adult. How badly did she wish she could go back and tell her that she understood now, that she was wrong and that her mother had been right, that with hindsight she could see how all her mother was trying to do was to love her, want what was best for her and to protect her. And that was Olivia's job now.

"It's my job to protect her."

Natalia was trying to placate her but the images began their cascade, scrolling like film through a projector and highlighting all the times she'd failed, failed to keep her daughter safe.

"You don't understand."

"Understand what?" Natalia was staring at her perplexed.

"Do you know how many times Emma has been taken from me? How many times I have been threatened with the life of my daughter? _Do you?_"

"Is that why you threatened Gus with a gun?"

Olivia went cold. Of all the responses she could have expected this was not one of them, she had to ask Natalia to repeat herself.

When Natalia began explaining, Olivia blocked out her voice, already drawn back to those moments of terror she'd experienced and desperately disbelieving Natalia could know, refuted, "No, you can't possibly, you weren't there."

Her life laid bare, destined to repeat itself and having to withstand the current scrutiny of someone else she was failing to protect, who clearly couldn't see, yet who clearly wanted to. She _had_ to make her understand.

"He, he threatened me. You have to understand that, he took my little girl and he threatened me. They all did, Philip, Gus, even Reva, can you believe that? All of them, taking my daughter away from me."

The dream was returning full force now, she could feel herself shaking.

Natalia was saying something but she didn't have time for that now, she had to keep moving, had to escape and get back, get back for Emma.

"We have to get back. We've got to pick Emma up and I don't want to be late."

Pacing now she turned back to Natalia who suddenly seemed very far away, receded down a long tunnel as her vision, dubious at best, narrowed.

Natalia was saying something again, her name?

"Come on, we need to get going. I'll carry you if I have to but we can't stay here."

She was reaching for her now, something about blood?

Thinking the whole thing ridiculous and gripped with an urgency to get back, she attempted to swat Natalia's reaching hands away and wavering, wondered why the buzzing had gotten louder and if she had managed to finish the statement she had started before everything went dark.


	26. Chapter 26

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 26**

Her reactions impeded by her ankle, Natalia manoeuvred as quickly as she was capable to reach the fallen woman. Still shocked by what had just happened, Natalia struggled to keep her focus in the moment and not be transported back to that awful day outside of Company when Olivia had for all intents and purposes died.

_But that_ didn't _happen and that's_ not _what's happening now._

Lowering herself next to her very still friend, Natalia pushed back the mass of hair obscuring Olivia's face and tenderly turned her, unsure whether to roll her fully onto her back or maintain a recovery position.

"Olivia?"

'Face is pale, raise the tail; Face is red, raise the head', was singing through her mind and noting Olivia's current complexion, decided to turn her completely onto her back before removing her own jacket and placing it under Olivia's head, comfort being her first consideration, she would work out how to elevate her legs momentarily.

_Still breathing, thank you God._

Concern number one checked off, she moved on to feel for Olivia's pulse. Knowing that the carotid artery at her throat was one of the simplest places to check for a pulse, Natalia chose to lay her hand over Olivia's heart instead, then desperately needing more reassurance, she gave in and pressed her ear against Olivia's chest, heartened by the rhythmic, thump-thump, thump-thump.

Sitting back up and cupping Olivia's chin with one hand while stroking her hair back with the other Natalia tried, "Olivia? Can you hear me?"

When no reaction was forthcoming and Olivia remained unresponsive, Natalia turned her attention to the blood she was sure she had seen earlier.

_How could I not have seen this?_

Somehow, Olivia's shoulder wound had split open and if possible, torn. Even though it was not a major artery or vein that had been nicked, the wound had maintained a steady trickle, resulting in the stain of blood now evident down one side of Olivia's body and pooled into a dark patch near the top of her jeans.

_Her heart medicine,_ she reasoned. _It acted like a blood thinner. But, when...? Oh, no...when she helped me up, she must've done it then but, that was well over an hour ago and I've been leaning on her ever since...argh...that woman is so infuriating. Why didn't she say anything?_

But Natalia knew why.

_Because of me wasn't it?_ She regarded the woman, still passed out on the ground beside her, part angry and part amazed at how selflessly she continued to do the unexpected. How many people would believe the real Olivia Spencer, the woman that Natalia had come to know and...

Olivia was stirring.

"Olivia honey, you need to stay still for a moment okay?"

Figuring turnabout was fair play; Natalia grabbed the hem of her own shirt and pulled some strips from it. Wadding up whatever they had left of the tissues, she packed it onto the shoulder wound and then attempted to bind them in place.

Olivia was coming round now, head lifting as she asked, "Wha..? What happened?"

"Sh...take it easy, you fainted."

"I fainted?"

She was trying to sit up, using both elbows to lever herself but when her shoulder protested, she winced and rolled over as if to protect it.

"Hey, you've done a pretty good number on your shoulder."

Eyes displaying hurt looked at her and Natalia melted. "When are you going to learn that you can't go around messing with your health?"

"Please Natalia, I fainted okay?" Olivia looked away and made to sit up again.

Angry now at the blasé way Olivia wanted to brush this off and move on, partly motivated by her own fear of seeing Olivia drop lifelessly before her, Natalia responded, "Yes, you did faint and no, it's not okay."

They looked at each other again. "You _knew_ Olivia. You must've known."

"Knew what?"

"You _knew_ you were hurt, the same as you knew you had to get your heart looked at but you always managed to find something more important to do, somewhere you needed to be, something to organise and arrange. What is it? Do you think you're indestructible? Or do you think it doesn't matter? The way you hide it, this weakness, this fear of being seen to be weak. Well don't you get it? _Nothing_ is more important than your health Olivia, _nothing_. You have people who care about you, people who depend on you and people who love you."

Olivia looked at her; her eyes were brimming with tears and assuming a physically defensive posture as if to ward off Natalia's unexpected attack.

"I had things I had to take care of," came Olivia's meek reply. A hand raised to press at her brow before pinching the bridge of her nose. "Can we not do this now? You say people care about my wellbeing, well right now it sucks. I have a killer headache and I would give anything to be resting somewhere, anywhere, I'd even take _here_ if it meant I could just be still for a moment. But that's not going to happen is it? We still have to get back and your ankle isn't going to miraculously heal so, can we just not do this right now?"

A pause, a standoff and then Natalia's sympathetic nature gained the upper hand and acquiescing for the moment, she positioned herself to offer support in carefully helping Olivia up.

Attaining an almost upright stance, Olivia swayed again and with an accompanying, "Whoa," put her hand back to Natalia's shoulder to lower herself quickly back down.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Natalia queried.

"Lightheaded." Olivia moved to put her head between her legs, groaning slightly at the pull on her body to achieve such a position.

Natalia put her arm around her and began rubbing circles on her back. "You know what might help with that?"

Olivia turned her head slightly to see the suddenly impish look on Natalia's face, "No, what?"

"Snacks."

~/\~

A droning noise.

_What is that?_

As Olivia's mind went in search of an answer, new information presented itself. Another sound, _outdoors? Where on earth am I?_

Her mind, not quite ready to deal with the later questions, had apparently found an answer to the first. _Ugh, the sound of my blood, running back into my brain. What happened?_

She started to swim up towards consciousness but someone was telling her to stay still, at least she thought it was her, _Honey?_

Another sensation, her shoulder, something was happening to it. She was sure it had been numb but now it felt like it was being smothered and strangely held together. Curious now, she pushed to the surface and queried, "Wha..? What happened?"

"Sh...take it easy, you fainted."

_She'd fainted?_

Needing to sit up, she pushed with her elbows, only to have her shoulder send up a red alert. In an effort to hug and protect the offending area she curled in on herself, totally in agreement with Natalia's statement, she _had_ done a number on her shoulder.

"When are you going to learn that you can't go around messing with your health?"

Trying to avoid getting into another discussion on how she regarded her health and to put some perspective on it to get them back on track Olivia said, "Please Natalia, I fainted okay?"

Wrong thing to say, Natalia sounded angry.

"You _knew_ Olivia. You must've known."

Perplexed, Olivia replied, "Knew what?"

Natalia's lecture left Olivia feeling battered.

An echo flashing across her memory of another time, another berating, "_You are a whiny little bratty baby having a tantrum. You're worse. You're the most disgustingly selfish person I know."_

"_Then you won't miss me when I'm gone. Now leave!"_

Trying to dispel the hurt she had felt and her childish response, a reasoned part of her could understand her friend's dismay and if she thought about it, could liken it to her mother's behaviour, trying to protect her from herself.

"I had things I had to take care of," she offered, even as she said it doubting the validity of her words.

What was it her mother had once said, 'you have one rule for the rest of the world and another rule for yourself,' but it appeared she was being called on those rules now and every word hurled at her had her flinching away at their truth and honesty.

It was becoming increasingly difficult not to fold under the weight of such dedicated caring; so she decided to be honest and detailed how she felt at this precise moment, begging off on any further discussion for the time being as she really wanted to get going.

Natalia, even though not practical in application due to her ankle, showed her generosity of spirit and tried to assist Olivia in standing as best she could.

Spots floated before her eyes as she stood, "Whoa," _little too soon for standing then_, she surmised and reached back to lean on Natalia's shoulder to resume her place on the ground.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Lightheaded." She answered and placed her head between her knees, the movement making her groan.

She felt a hand on her back, soothing circles.

"You know what might help with that?"

Olivia had no idea, the hand on her back was certainly helping but she turned her face to look at Natalia, sure she was going to regret asking by virtue of the dimpled playful look on Natalia's face, "No, what?"

"Snacks."


	27. Chapter 27

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 27**

Chocolate, the great dispeller of tension and for improving one's blood sugar levels.

"I told you these would come in handy."

"Uh huh, not sure as magnificent at planning as you are that you had this in mind though."

"Point," Olivia acknowledged, the combination of having treated her shoulder, resting for a bit and a sugary goodness confection all serving to make her feel more human again and in part holding the mammoth headache that had been building at bay.

"How much further do you think it is?"

"Back to the cabin? Not far, maybe fifteen, twenty minutes tops."

"Really? That close?" Natalia had been dreading another hour's walk.

"I think so. Wanna race? I'll give you a head start," Olivia waggled her eyebrows at her.

Snorting and shaking her head, Natalia was pleased to see the return of Olivia's playful side.

"What? You don't think you could beat me? Is that what this is?" Olivia humorously harangued.

"Oh I could take you," Natalia eyed her opponent and turned to face her fully, "but first we'd have to level the playing field."

"And how would we do that?" Olivia leaned in to match Natalia's posture.

Natalia appeared to consider for a moment, "How about you put a stone in your shoe?"

"Hm, sneaky. I see what angle you're coming from."

"You do do you?"

"Oh yes."

Their heads very close together they stared intently into each other's eyes. A beat.

"Not exactly the way these days away were supposed to go is it?" Olivia's eyes broke away and commenced a study of Natalia's face.

"Not really, no." Suddenly shy of such close, intense scrutiny, Natalia turned away.

Olivia sat back, empty wrapper crushed in her palm and placed back into the bag. She started to laugh.

"What? What is it?" The recent mercurial nature of her friend making Natalia wonder if Olivia had finally lost it.

"I'm sorry," Olivia finally managed to gasp out, "It's just I was imagining us both bandaged head to foot and Emma thinking she'd gone away with two 'mummies'"

A giggle at first and then Natalia joined in, the laughter acting as a better stress reliever than any medicine ever could.

"That was terrible." Natalia said.

"Yeah, I know."

The laughter having died down Natalia took in Olivia's rosier complexion and queried, "Are you ready to move on now?"

"Sure, let's do this. We still have to go get Emma."

All things considered, Natalia thought it more prudent that Emma came to them but that battle could wait, at least until they made it back to the cabin.

~/\~

In a quirk at last of good fortune, Olivia finally found a stick sturdy and large enough to aid Natalia.

"Better late than never," she commented as she inspected it for any bugs before handing it to her hobbling friend.

"Thanks," at once delighted to be able to stand on her own again, Natalia began moving along at a quicker pace.

"Hey, slow down, unless you're trying to get a head start?"

"Pfft. Just trying it out for speed."

"Not much further now anyway, I'm more for long distance."

"You are?"

"Sure, somehow it seems so much sweeter when it takes a long time to get there."

Indeed, after only a further five minutes at their improved pace, the cabin came into view.

~/\~

Crossing the threshold into the cabin, Natalia immediately began making her way to the kitchen.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

"Um, to get a drink?"

"Tsk, tsk, no you don't. You sit yourself down there and put that leg up. Bad enough you've been walking on it for the last two hours or more, it needs to be elevated."

Halting at the vocal commands, Natalia turned towards the couch before flopping back onto it with a heartfelt sigh of relief and was almost startled when Olivia took her leg and gently eased it onto the cushion that had already been placed thoughtfully on the table in front her. Her foot was then cradled again as Olivia removed her trainer with the utmost care.

"I'll go get one of those icepacks," Olivia informed as she stood from her recent inspection of the offending ankle, "What would you like to drink?"

"Olivia, you don't have to wait on..."

"Shh," a finger raised to indicate silence, "you've done more than that for me so, answer the question."

"I'd love a coffee."

"One coffee, coming right up."

"Thank you." She watched Olivia head into the kitchen and though grateful to finally be sat on a comfy surface that wasn't crawling with bugs of any kind, it went against her nature to sit there and let someone else take care of her. _I should be doing something_.

Olivia returned with an icepack, "Coffee will just be a minute."

"Okay."

"Here," Olivia said as she placed the icepack over the swollen joint.

"God that feels good," Natalia sighed out.

"I bet. I'll go get the coffee."

Returning for a second time, Olivia handed Natalia a coffee and took a seat next to her on the couch, a sigh issuing forth like an echo of Natalia's earlier one as she put her head back and closed her eyes.

"Thanks," Natalia took the coffee and sipped. "Wow, is that cimanon?"

An eyebrow raised as Olivia opened her resting eyes to look at Natalia. "Cinnamon, yes," she smiled.

Rubbing her nose in embarrassment, Natalia smiled back, "I'm tired, give me a break. This tastes wonderful, thank you."

Olivia lifted her head, "'s okay." She looked at her watch, "Give it ten minutes and then we need to see about picking Emma up."

"Um."

"What?"

It was Natalia's turn to play with her coffee cup. "I was thinking that, well I can't drive at the minute and you," she hesitated long enough to allow Olivia to interject.

"I can drive, what's the problem?"

"Olivia, you passed out earlier today, not much more than an hour ago in fact and I um... I really don't think you should be driving."

"I'm fine. It was an aberration and it's not like we have to go that far."

"I just think..."

"It'll be fine, honest."

Natalia evaluated the woman before her again before grudgingly relenting. "Okay, fine but we're going to need more than five minutes."

"We are?"

"Have you looked at us?" She indicated their attire and general appearance.

Her mouth pulled into a variety of shapes as she inspected their current look, Olivia commented, "Too eighties?"

She deflected the cushion aimed at her.

~/\~

Having taken the time to finish their coffees, which for Olivia, after sinking deeply into the welcoming soft couch was the only thing currently keeping her awake, Natalia began to lower her leg and squirm forward to start getting ready to go.

Rousing herself Olivia queried, "Where are you going?"

"We need to get ready and..."

Rubbing her face to restore some semblance of alertness, Olivia said, "Wait there a minute, I want to properly strap your ankle and I need to wash out that cut."

"Cut?"

"On your face?"

Natalia raised her hands to her face, "Oh that, I'd forgotten. It's just a scratch."

"Maybe so but we need to clean it. Can never be too careful, can we? Wait there and I'll get everything."

"Bring some bandages for your shoulder as well," Natalia called out after Olivia's retreating form. _Oh sure, worry about someone else's health_.

When Olivia returned, she was armed with a bowl, cloth and various first aid items.

Taking the cloth, she dampened it and applied a small amount of soap before lifting it to Natalia's face; Natalia raised her hand, "What are you doing?"

"Taking care of you for a change."

"Oh."

The hand fell back and Natalia locked eyes with Olivia as the older woman gently began washing her face, the cloth soothingly working its way over the contours and landscape of her brow, her eyes, circling to gently dab at the marring scratch before continuing down the slope of her nose, the roundness of her cheeks, then dipping at her dimples and finishing with her chin.

"You okay?"

Natalia reopened her eyes, unaware of when she'd closed them and nodded briefly.

Olivia smiled and reached for a cotton ball to apply some antiseptic, "It's not so bad," certainly not as terrifying as Olivia had at first believed it to be when she had finally found Natalia earlier this afternoon. "Do you want a plaster on it or let the air get to it?"

"Does it need one?"

"Hm, maybe."

"Plaster it is then."

Thinking Olivia was done as she carefully applied the band aid; Natalia was surprised when Olivia moved to the other side of the table and began to unwrap the makeshift bindings of earlier.

When Olivia reached for the bowl, Natalia only just stopped herself from asking what she was doing again but she wasn't quick enough for Olivia not to have heard the intake of breath, which earned her a quick glance from Olivia, before she began the process of washing Natalia's foot and ankle.

The warm water, gentle application of the cloth and feeling of cleanliness was divine. When she felt the towel around her foot, her eyes opened to see Olivia concentrating intently on drying her off without causing any further discomfort.

Taking a new bandage, Olivia began to expertly bind her foot and ankle, the compression and support offering a new level of nirvana.

"Better?"

"Much. Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"Your turn now."

~/\~

Insisting that Natalia keep her foot elevated for as long as possible, Olivia changed the water in the bowl for a fresh supply and dutifully sat where Natalia could reach her without twisting.

Shrugging out of her jacket that she had been reluctant to remove, the full extent of her injury could clearly be seen by the now brownish stain at the shoulder of her ruined t-shirt.

"Are you okay to take that off or should we cut it?"

"Might as well cut it, I don't think I'm ever going to wear it again."

Removing the t-shirt and sliding it away from the injured area, Natalia began to peel away her ad hoc strapping and tugged on the last of the tissues which had welded themselves to Olivia's skin.

Olivia looked away.

"Are you alright? You're not going to faint on me again are you?"

"I'm good."

Mimicking Olivia's actions, Natalia took the cloth and began to cleanse Olivia's arm and shoulder, conscious of the blood trail circling around Olivia's breast towards her stomach.

Olivia shivered.

"You sure you're alright?"

Olivia only nodded.

Not wholly convinced but also not wanting to prolong this any longer than she had to, Natalia examined the wound now the surrounding area had been cleaned.

"What's the prognosis? Am I going to have yet another scar?"

Even though it was spoken with levity, Natalia could tell it was forced.

"What do you think? Get enough of them to make an interesting game of tic-tac-toe or maybe I could be the 'Illustrated Woman' but with scars instead of tattoos?"

"Stop it."

Olivia stopped.

"Just stop it." Natalia reached for Olivia's chin so she could turn her to look directly into her eyes. "You are a beautiful woman Olivia," the grip tightened as Olivia tried to turn her head away, "You are and anyone who cannot see past these," she indicated the marks against her flesh, "or see them for what they truly represent, then they don't deserve to be seeing them at all. Do you understand me?"

Olivia's head dipped.

"Do you?"

A nod.

Releasing her so she could continue dealing with the injury, Natalia continued, "You probably should've had stitches on this but I think, even though it's obviously a little angry at the abuse it's had, it will heal up with no problems."

Olivia cleared her throat to speak again.

"Thank you Dr Rivera."

"My pleasure Nurse Spencer."

"Nurse? You outrank me?"

"Naturally." A full on dimpled smile erupted. "Now, let's get this shoulder wrapped up and then we need to get going."


	28. Chapter 28

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 28**

Having sat through the process of once again having her shoulder bandaged and finding amusement in watching Natalia's intense concentrated look as she carefully wrapped the wound, Olivia had to almost shake herself to get moving again.

"I guess I better go get changed," Olivia indicated her undressed state and bloodied jeans, "don't want to scare Emma."

"No, we don't."

Olivia sighed heavily.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Olivia shook her head and began to push herself to her feet, "Just trying to get myself going again. Did you want to get changed, will you need any help?"

"Um...no, I'm thinking I'll leave my jeans for now but I'll need a clean top, which I can manage fine. You?"

"I'll shout if I need you." Olivia smiled, _as if I can imagine ever_ not _needing you_, and walked away to the bathroom to see about fixing her make-up.

When they convened back at the couch a short time later, Olivia wondered at the dimples showing on Natalia's face, "What? Do I have my top on back to front?"

"Nope, you look..." _amazing? Stunning? Beautiful?_

Olivia was beginning to wonder if the sentence would ever be finished and facially gestured her question for Natalia to continue.

"You look like you've spent the weekend at a spa rather than hiking through the woods. How do you do that?"

"Uh huh, well I certainly don't _feel_ like I've been to a spa, how come we didn't have that as an option anyway?"

There was a moment of silence, then Olivia reached to assist Natalia from the couch and groaned in the process.

"Yup, next time, a spa."

Natalia giggled and then winced slightly as she attained an upright position again.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here?"

"No, I'll come with you." In truth, Natalia wanted to be sure that Olivia was going to be okay to drive and although unable to keep her foot elevated, she would at least be able to sit in relative comfort in the car. "Do you actually know where we're going?"

"Hm? Yeah, I've got the details here. Ready?"

Nodding, Natalia exited the cabin as Olivia, grabbing their keys, locked up and hurried to assist Natalia getting into the car.

"Okay?"

"Yup, I'm good. Thanks."

Moving round to the driver side, Olivia felt a tingle of excitement at finally going to collect and see her daughter again and couldn't hold back her smile.

Natalia noticed, "Not long now huh?"

"Nope, it feels like she's been gone for days. How bad is it going to be when she's older?"

"You'll be fine. She loves you."

Starting the car they headed out.

~/\~

Ten minutes later and a thankfully incident free journey, they arrived at Ruth's cabin.

"Are you sure you're okay to stay in the car?"

"Please, by the time you've collected her I'll still be trying to negotiate getting out of it."

"Okay, I won't be a minute."

Olivia walked up to the door and knocked, turning back to see Natalia watching her.

"Why, Olivia, hello dear, how are you?"

"Ruth, hi, I'm good um...we're good," she indicate back to Natalia, "well, except that Natalia sprained her ankle this afternoon so um..."

"Hi Natalia," Ruth waved and Natalia waved back and shouted a reply through the window.

"My goodness, you two really have been in the wars haven't you? Well, daughter like mother," she started to turn indicating Olivia to follow. Olivia grabbed her arm, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Oh nothing to worry about dear, you know how rambunctious children can be, Emma just took a bit of a spill and grazed her knee, she's fine. Just didn't want to worry you."

Olivia's rapidly fluctuating heartbeat slowed again as she followed Ruth into the cabin.

"Mommy!" Emma called out as she went to launch herself at her mother and then, remembering that her mother hadn't been well, slowed and raised her arms to be drawn into a very tight, therapeutic hug.

"Hey Jellybean, I've missed you." She kissed the top of her head and then hugged her again, uncaring how tightly Emma squeezed back, just relishing in the joy of holding her child again.

"I've missed you too mom."

"You have? I bet you've had so much fun you didn't even notice I wasn't there. What's this?" she indicated the band aid on her daughter's knee.

"I fell over, well, we were playing this game and I kinda lost my step and..."

"Were you running?"

Emma looked down, "Yes."

"Does it hurt now? Would you like mommy to kiss it better?"

Emma giggled as Olivia tickled her. "No mommy, it doesn't hurt."

"You're such a big girl. Are you ready to go? Have you said goodbye to Jane yet and thanked Mrs Blaxendale for letting you stay?"

Emma nodded and then turned to Jane who had gone to stand with her grandma, clearly not happy that she was losing her playmate.

"Bye Jane, I really had fun."

Jane nodded, "Me too. Maybe we could meet up again?" She looked hopefully at her grandma and Olivia.

"Maybe dear but Emma has to go home soon. I'm sure if she's here and able you'll get to play together again." She cradled the back of Jane's head as the young girl turned towards her grandma's leg, ashamed at being so upset.

"Thank you Mrs Blaxendale. I really had a great time. Thank you for the food and for letting us make the tent."

"My pleasure my dear. You have been a source of joy for us and you are welcome anytime."

Emma beamed at her and then turned to her mother.

"Gather any of your things and get in the car Em, Natalia's waiting there?"

"She is? Why didn't she come in?"

"Well, she's hurt her ankle so go and keep her company while I just say goodbye."

"Okay. Bye and thanks again."

Emma turned and hurried out to the car and Olivia heard the sound of the door opening and closing.

"I really want to thank you Ruth, you've been an angel."

Ruth took Olivia's hand and stared intently into her eyes.

"It was truly my pleasure. Please, look after one another, you both deserve it."

Thinking the comment slightly strange she nevertheless thanked her daughter's host, said farewell to Jane and joined Emma and Natalia in the car, Emma already regaling Natalia with stories of her stay.

"All set? Buckled in?"

Affirmative nods, "Well then, let's go," and they headed back to their cabin.

~/\~

It was darker as they headed back, Olivia trying to concentrate on the road ahead while Natalia asked the follow up questions in response to Emma's detailed account of her sleepover.

Emma had enquired after Natalia's ankle and then Emma had shown off her own injury, Natalia turning from the front seat to look back and examine her knee.

It was as she was faced towards the rear, the car suddenly swerved aggressively, ping-ponging her between the two front seats and making Emma scream in startled surprise.

Turning to face forward she looked at Olivia for some indication of what had happened and saw her gripping the steering wheel, her knuckles whitening and her eyes, wide on the road ahead.

Emma was starting to sniffle.

"Emma? It's alright honey, everything's okay, we're okay." Natalia soothed.

Olivia swallowed.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, it was nothing, just something in the road, I swerved to miss it, I think I missed it."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," then clearing her throat and trying to staunch the rush of adrenaline she was experiencing, she called back to Emma, "Emma? Are you okay sweetie?"

"Yes," the sniffled response.

"We'll be back soon okay?"

"Okay."

"Which movies did you bring huh? We're planning on having a movie night, popcorn, the works."

Another sniffle.

"You get to pick."

Emma began rifling through the catalogue of DVDs they had to watch in her mind as the incident already started to fade to her.

Olivia, trying to control the shaking the residual adrenaline caused, was trying to block out the sound of Emma's short but piercing scream. Somehow she just knew her dreams would be revisiting her.

Natalia engaged in a movie debate with Emma while casting furtive glances at Olivia, who suddenly seemed lost to her again.

~/\~

Pulling up at their own cabin, Emma enthused about her choice of movie and was torn between helping Natalia out of the car or going to get the movie ready for them to watch.

Olivia solved the problem, "Go get the movie ready Emma, I'll help old hop-along out."

"Very funny," Natalia mock scowled as Emma giggled her way back to the cabin.

As Olivia came round to her side of the car, Natalia asked, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Natalia, I did_ not_ fall asleep at the wheel if that's what you're thinking and if I had, I can tell you now I would've stopped the car there and then."

"Whoa, hold on. I wasn't thinking that."

"Weren't you?"

"No, I was thinking you looked pretty scared back there and I wanted to make sure, without upsetting your daughter, that you were actually alright."

Olivia had the decency to look apologetic, "Oh."

"Yes, oh. So are you going to help me or not? We've got a movie to watch and some corn to pop."

"Yay."

~/\~

Having consumed pizza for supper, followed by a helping of ice cream, it was no small feat that they managed to still find room for the large bowl of popcorn placed between them.

As they all lay on the couch, a pile of bodies in various states of disrepair and tiredness, the movie played.

'Monsters Inc.', a relatively old movie but one of Emma's favourites.

Olivia found it slightly unnerving that her daughter should choose a movie about nightmares and monsters lurking under your bed but was so happy to finally have her family all safe and with her again; she was willing to see past it.

Beside her, Natalia sat with her ankle once again propped up on a cushion, roaring with laughter as Sully watched the little girl pass through the packing room and reacted in horror. Emma was already starting to droop, curled up between them, the victim of too much fresh air and heavy food.

Olivia had no idea when she started to fall, only of when the images returned, the voices once more accusing, their tethers lashing her down and the monsters creeping out from beneath her own tormented psyche. She only knew she needed to be saved.


	29. Chapter 29

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 29**

At some point, Natalia realised she was the only one still reacting to the animated antics on the screen. Movement caught the corner of her eye and she was fascinated to once again see Olivia's hands conducting their clenching and unclenching ritual.

Not wanting to worry Emma and unable to carry her through to bed, Natalia gently shook Emma to a partially awake state, "Emma, I need you to help me out here and be a big girl by going to bed. Can you do that for me?"

"Has the movie finished?" a mumbled reply, the girl's eyes not even fully opened and she was reminded of Olivia's early morning dopiness.

"No, the movie hasn't finished but we can watch the end tomorrow okay? You need to go get into bed and I'll come through in a bit to tuck you in okay?"

"'kay." Emma started to trundle away and then turned back as if forgetting something, "What about mommy?"

"Well, Mommy's had a hard day and we don't want to wake her up just yet do we?" Natalia was starting to get concerned that Emma would become more alert and realise her mother wasn't just sleeping, "I'll send her through when she wakes up, now go climb into bed."

"'kay. 'night Natalia."

"'Night night little one, I'll be through in a minute."_ I hope._

Checking to make sure that Emma had left the room and gone to bed, Natalia turned back towards Olivia noting her head tilted back, mouth slightly open and drawing in small, gasping breaths, her skin tight around her eyes and the constant clenching of her hands.

_What is it that has its hooks in you Olivia? This can't go on._

Shaking her gently, Natalia said, "Hey, Olivia, you need to wake up now."

As before, her words seemed to have little effect. _Okay, Plan B it is then._

~/\~

_It began as before._

_Her back pressed into the cold, hard ground where she had fallen. Her shoulder pinned, fixed in place by some unseen force that pushed down until she feared the joint would snap or dislocate._

_Buzzing, a vibration that quickly grew and morphed into the profusion of voices, still indistinguishable, still damning, still torturing._

_She struggled._

_She rallied her thoughts, summoning her anger and tried to scream back._

_Screams._

_Loud, chilling._

_Her daughters' screams._

_Not just Emma's, Ava's too, ripping into and through her new heart, slicing away pieces of her soul._

"You don't deserve them."

_The voice continued to bully, prodding at her vulnerabilities_, "Everything you ever do hurts them, hurts all the people you claim to love."

No! It's not true, it's not true, I know it isn't true, I know.

_Another voice, a voice which was in turn welcomed and feared. Disdainful, judging, her heart folded and shrunk, cowering._

"You should be ashamed of the things you do but you wear them like a badge Olivia, like you're daring me to say something about it."

"I want to live my life the way I want!" _Memory responded, like a reflex, a knee-jerk reaction, even after all this time._

"Spending time with the wrong people? Trying to be something you're not, is that what you want?"

_She couldn't bear to see this part of the dream play out, couldn't bear the sound of her own voice, scathing and cruel, victorious in its delivery, broken and scarred by its end result._

_Yet another scar._

_Scars upon scars._

_The dreamscape spread before her, each ridge, each mountain range the puckering of skin forced to mend, broken, forever changed._

_Olivia fought._

~/\~

About to embark on Plan B, Natalia had shuffled her way on the couch to find a more suitable position when she noticed Olivia becoming more visually agitated. She appeared to be physically struggling to pull away from the couch, her shoulders lifting forward from the seat back and yet her body was pressed down, at odds with its self. Her breathing had also changed and her mouth was moving, incapable of speech but attempting to form words.

"Olivia, I'm right here. Can you hear me?"

Carefully moving Olivia's head forward, Natalia slipped her arm around the back of Olivia's neck across her shoulders and gently but firmly pulled the troubled woman towards her.

Olivia remained rigid; her eyes active beneath their lids, as Natalia gathered her into a hug and placed the sleeper's head upon her chest.

"Concentrate on my voice Olivia, you're safe here. I've got you. I've got you okay?"

Natalia maintained her hold, hugging Olivia to her and caressing her arm in an effort to calm and eventually wake her.

She wanted some answers.

~/\~

_The landscape was tilting, it was almost nauseating to watch as the original horizon turned on an axis and left Olivia somewhere new._

_There was something different about this new landscape. Different but incredibly familiar._

_She listened, attempting to not hear the scornful tones she had been subjected to but for something else._

_Something musical, lyrical, a siren song._

_Behind this was a beat, a steady beat._

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

_Somehow, even among all the confusion, Olivia knew this percussion was playing too fast, it sounded wrong. Why?_

~/\~

Worry was making Natalia's pulse race, her anxiety for her friend reaching unhealthy levels.

Kissing the top of Olivia's head, her hand began to comb away the strands of hair that had fallen across the slumbering woman's face.

"Olivia, please, I need you to come back now. You're safe here, please come back, I don't know what else to do." Natalia did not want to startle Olivia awake, her only experience dealing with someone having nightmares had been Rafe when he was a small boy and while they had quickly ascertained the source of his nightly terrors, she had no idea in regard to Olivia's or where to start, if the other woman even let her.

"Don't make me switch to Plan C, okay? You won't like it Olivia, I know you won't, so please wake up okay?"

Natalia would give her a few more minutes.

~/\~

_The voice this time was cocoa, a rich, dark chocolate that instead of smothering, spread smoothly and thickly across her auditory senses._

_It was bargaining with her, joking with her, playfully threatening her and considering her best interests._

_So different from the dreamscape before._

_This was like home._

_Not San Cristobel home, not 'The Beacon' home, something fundamentally richer and nurturing._

_This was somewhere she wanted to be._

_Her refuge._

~/\~

The body lying atop her went limp.

Natalia had to tighten her hold on the sagging woman for fear of her rolling off the couch.

"Olivia?"

"Hm?"

Natalia's relief was palpable.

"Olivia? Are you awake?"

Olivia for her part was becoming aware, not only of her surroundings but of the connection between her dream and her reality, with the woman she was currently squishing being the all important focal point.

"Olivia?"

"Hm...did I miss the end of the movie?" Her voice was foggy, attempting to equate and understand where she had been in her dream with where she was now.

Natalia held her tighter, needing to ground the still befuddled woman in her arms as much as she needed to reassure herself. She smiled as Olivia relaxed further into the embrace, convinced her friend was still fighting the pull of sleep, "No, you didn't. I switched it off as I seemed to be the only one still watching it."

Her arms comfortably holding Olivia, she gently rubbed her back, torn between wanting to gain some answers and making the moment last. The back under her hand tensed.

As the words trickled through Olivia's brain, realisation came, something was missing, _Emma_.

How could she have forgotten about her daughter? Were the dreams right?

She began to pull away, trying to push herself up and looking about, "Emma? Where's Emma?"

"Hey, calm down, she's gone to bed. I sent her through earlier but haven't been in yet to tuck her in." Natalia indicated her ankle. "Couldn't carry her so I had to wake her up."

"Um, okay I better go see to her and um..." Olivia's hand was brushing back her hair and she seemed disorientated, a little lost.

"Hey, are you alright?"

"What?"

Always surprised or caught off guard by the query, Olivia let out a long stream of breath and looked at Natalia, patiently waiting and fixing her with sympathetic, understanding, questioning eyes.

"Truthfully?"

"Would be nice."

A little stung, Olivia nevertheless thought the comment fair, "No. No I'm not fine but I'm getting there."

"Uh huh," Natalia, while impressed Olivia had actually told the truth, could see how shaken the other woman was and felt there was a lot more to the story that she didn't know yet. "Why don't you sort Emma out first hm? And then I think I'm going to need some help, if you would?"

"Sure. I'll be back in a bit, don't go anywhere."

"Funny."

Olivia chuckled, pleased that they could keep returning to this comfortable back and forth and feeling like she had just bought a small respite of time before having to confront the inevitable questions from Natalia.

She entered Emma's room, struck once again how lucky she was, regardless of what anyone else thought, including her own subconscious. She loved this child, unconditionally, whether she deserved her or not.

Spending a few moments to just watch Emma sleep, Olivia, feeling calmer and more centered, then leaned forward, kissed her goodnight and pulled up her blankets to cover her before leaving the room, fortifying herself to face her inevitable future.


	30. Chapter 30

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Chapter 30**

Natalia was waiting for her when she returned.

"Emma okay?"

"Out like a light, I don't think that film had her checking under the bed."

"What about you?"

She hadn't expected the query so soon, so she attempted to deflect as usual, "I stopped checking for monsters under my bed years ago, it's the ones in it now."

Natalia had the grace to smile but it didn't quite reach her eyes. _Uh oh_.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, maybe something, _anything_ that will help me understand what's troubling you?"

"Why do you care?"

Natalia's jaw snapped shut with a resounding click, her face looking like someone had just slapped her with a wet sock.

"Why do_ I _care? I _care_ Olivia, is that still so hard for you to understand? And don't pull the 'you only care because it's Gus' heart' crap either, I thought we were past that."

Now it was Olivia's turn to look a little poleaxed, her jaw working several times before finding no appropriate rejoinder to that particular comment.

Natalia, not content with waiting, persisted with conviction, "I care and I want to help you, why do you insist on pushing me away."

"_God gave you a gift, He obviously loves you."_

"_You need to take your God and your soup and leave me alone."_

"_You are a horrible ungrateful person."_

Olivia shook her head, believing herself to be awake, their past exchanges ringing in her ears. "I'm a horrible, ungrateful person."

"What? No Olivia, you're not, stop saying that, stop thinking that, you're not, okay? Do you hear me?"

There was an unfocussed look in Olivia's eyes that suggested she wasn't hearing Natalia at all but listening to something only she could hear. Concerned, Natalia waited.

"_You need to move along please. Go back to work." Why wouldn't this maid leave her alone?_

"_What do you care? You'll be dead."_

"_And you'll be happy." Say anything to get under her skin, maybe then she'll leave and stop pestering me._

"_If that is what it takes to get rid of this sick feeling, to make me stop missing Gus every second of every day, then I would close up this room and leave you here to rot. Believe me, I wish it _had _been you that died and I will wish that every day for the rest of my life!"_

"You wished that I had died," Olivia's broken voice whispered as if waking from the dream again. Her hand rubbed at her brow as if trying to dispel the onset of a headache or to push back the confusing memories bombarding her.

"What?" Natalia tried to process the apparent non sequitur. "I don't wish that. Olivia, _what_ is going on in that brain of yours?"

"You said it, I remember, you said you would 'wish it every day for the rest of your life'."

Natalia thought back, the words ringing vague bells of recollection. "My God Olivia, that was months ago and said..., I was angry. I was angry at Gus, myself, at _you_..."

"But that's just it isn't it? We all say things, things we can't take back," her mother's face flashed before her eyes.

"Olivia?" Natalia watched as Olivia's face twisted and her eyes brightened with unshed tears. Like this morning, this intriguingly savvy and worldly woman was unravelling before her.

Needing to keep Olivia in the now and unsure how to do that, Natalia lowered her foot to the floor and using the surrounding furniture pushed herself so she was standing. That was the easy part, now she took a hesitant step towards Olivia.

"Olivia?" she tried again, "What is it? Please, tell me."

Having made her way to Olivia's side, she reached out.

Still resistant, Olivia shook her head, "I can't, I'm sorry. I just..." A sob escaped and Natalia inched forward again.

Olivia's hands raised up as Natalia slid her arms under Olivia's elbows and around her middle, drawing her into a hug, a moment before Olivia's own arms completed the embrace and wrapped themselves around Natalia's petite form.

~/\~

They stood that way for some time until Natalia's ankle started to protest. As they pulled away from each other, Natalia could see Olivia had gathered herself in again and was wiping away her tears as if ashamed.

"We should maybe get you some more ice for that." Olivia suggested, looking for ways to escape.

"Hm, no I think it'll be good once it's raised again."

Natalia didn't want Olivia to walk away this time. She watched as the obviously exhausted woman rubbed at her forehead once more and noted the defeated droop of her shoulders, the seemingly constant furrow in her brow as if trying to work through some problem. Starting to feel the effects of the last few days herself, she decided to take some pity on her, "I don't know about you but I'm ready to hit the hay."

Again, Olivia looked uncomfortable.

"Would you help me?" Natalia indicated her hobbled state which had the effect of sparking Olivia into action.

"Hm? Sure, yeah, I can do that. Here." Olivia offered her arm and together they began their way to the bedroom.

Once there, Olivia gently eased Natalia down to sit on the bed and in a reversal of their positions from the previous night, assisted Natalia with the removal of her jeans made only slightly more awkward by having to negotiate the swollen ankle without causing any additional distress.

Natalia was again touched by the gentleness and caring this woman showed her, "Thank you."

Olivia smiled, stood up and then looking decidedly ill at ease said, "I should probably sleep in Emma's room tonight."

Natalia hadn't considered this as a possibility and hearing it out loud, she was surprised how much it upset her that she would be sleeping alone again. _Maybe Olivia wants to sleep in the other room. Not like you don't keep badgering her for information she clearly doesn't want to give._

Natalia looked at Olivia's face, noting her eyes glancing to the bed and an almost wistful expression on her face. _Hm, maybe..._

"Could you stay, just for a bit?"

Sensing this could just be a ruse Olivia hesitated only slightly before agreeing. She wanted to add on a proviso about not having to delve into her dreams but somehow she doubted that would stop the Latina from getting what she wanted, she seemed to be very good at doing that.

Natalia let loose her dimples when Olivia nodded, "Maybe you should get changed here so you don't wake Emma."

They both knew Emma would most likely sleep through a full blown thunderstorm but as it meant prolonging their time together, neither called each other on it.

Her various aches and pains catching up with her again, Olivia removed her jeans and slumped on the bed, dreading having to go through the process of removing her top once more.

"Let me help you with that."

Hands began to gently move the garment away from her bruised flesh and she sighed heavily in relief.

"You look thoroughly done in," Natalia said as she assisted in pulling Olivia's nightshirt around her, delicately manoeuvring her arms through the sleeves, mindful of her shoulder.

"Hm?" She had started to drift off again. Terrified at the possibly of nearly falling into that dreamscape, a jolt of adrenaline coursed through her and made her as jumpy as she had felt in the car earlier that evening. Looking for any kind of distraction again she said, "Maybe I should get the rest of those snacks. How many of those things did you buy anyway?"

"Olivia," Natalia was startled at the sudden sharpness of the eyes before her that only moments ago had been lidded and glazed as well as the apparent manic need to take some action.

"Olivia," Natalia wanted to be serious for a moment, she really did want to understand what was upsetting her friend and troubling her so much, "I understand if you don't want to talk about it," Olivia looked instantly ready to jump up, "but I really do want to help and it might be better if you talk about it."

Trying to control the adrenaline rush her fear had created, Olivia considered, "This is one of those Dr Phil things isn't it?"

Natalia smiled, she knew Olivia was working up the courage to open up and discuss whatever was going on with her.

"I don't know where to start," a quiet voice came, completely at odds with the constant movement of her hands plucking at some non-existent thread. It really summed Olivia up, a woman of contradictions.

"Do you want to tell me what the dreams are about?" Natalia reached out and put her hand over Olivia's to still them.

Olivia shook her head and then blew out a breath, "I... I'm not sure I can. There's a lot of noise and then I start to hear voices."

"Voices?"

Olivia arched an eyebrow, "Not _those_ kinds of voices."

"Well that's a relief." At Olivia's look, Natalia mimed zipping her mouth shut and throwing away the key.

Olivia chuckled and then grew very serious again, "These voices, they sound like people I know, I know that's not unusual in dreams but here...here they're all screaming at me, holding me down and cataloguing all of my past mistakes. They seem to want to list everything I've ever done that's been wrong. And that's a _long_ list."

A self-deprecating smile.

"You've done a lot of good things too?" Natalia cajoled.

"Hm, well, I've done a lot of things, a lot of bad things. Things I thought were the right thing to do and that I tried to justify by saying I had a reason, a good reason." She sighed heavily again and could feel her eyes welling with unrestrained tears, "I'd like to think now I would do them differently but hindsight is a wonderful tool isn't it?"

There was a pause and Natalia waited, sensing there was more.

"And then," Olivia could feel herself losing control again as she considered what the voices, her own thoughts, had been shouting at her, "And then as if that wasn't bad enough, it seems I am undeserving of..."

Olivia sucked in a breath, struggling to say the words out loud until she felt Natalia squeeze her hand, offering reassurance that whatever she said, Natalia was still there and Emma was still her child asleep in the next room who loved her unconditionally. She continued, "And then it seems I am undeserving of my children, I forever hurt them, place them in danger..." She sobbed now, it hurt to say it and know a part of her must think it, she didn't dare look up to see Natalia's reaction. Instead she continued to look at their joined hands, blurring through the wash of tears, grateful for the contact. "It seems my mother's words have come back to haunt me."

Natalia's heart felt heavy hearing this woman do battle with her conscience. She was horrified that a part of Olivia could truly think she would ever hurt her children having only ever seen the love and care she bestowed on them. Sure, she had been party now to some of Olivia's past through the nightmarish scenes she had witnessed during Olivia's fevered state but really, how accountable for our past sins are we? Haven't we all done and said things we later regret?

A part of her wanted to delve deeper, uncover the mysteries of Olivia's past that could so upset her present. She knew virtually nothing of Olivia's mother and yet the woman had obviously had a very profound effect upon her daughter and she was curious, beyond the incidents she had learned of, to know what had happened with Ava as something must have put those thoughts into Olivia's head.

But now was not the time. Olivia needed her. She needed something from her now.

Contemplating the silently sobbing woman before her she squeezed her hand again to get her attention.

"You're not alone with that you know. You don't have the monopoly on things done you're not proud of." Natalia thought back to her almost decision, her first decision when it came to donating Gus' heart, and shuddered, "We've all done things."

Olivia was studying her now, disbelieving and yet hopeful.

"My God Olivia, I locked you away and cost you the chance at a heart."

"Can't argue with that one."

Natalia was shocked, then caught the smirk and telltale humour in Olivia's eyes.

Using one hand to wipe away her tears, Olivia turned the other to hold Natalia's and for the first time since they had entered the bedroom, looked squarely into Natalia's eyes.

"I don't blame you for that anymore Natalia, not anymore. Not after everything else how could I?"

"But..."

"No, no buts. You have stayed with me, by my side, pestering, pushing but always, always protecting me, sometimes even from myself. I couldn't blame you Natalia; you've given far, far more than you've ever taken."

Natalia felt her own tears brimming and sniffled slightly. They both wiped their eyes.

"Look at us, pathetic aren't we?" Olivia suggested.

"I don't think so."

"Well that's good. I don't wanna be pathetic."

They looked at each other, eyes puffy and red, Natalia with her ankle bandaged and Olivia's bandage poking through the top of her nightshirt.

It was Natalia who caved first, a giggle that developed into a full blown belly laugh, causing her to grip her sides. Olivia followed, an occasional 'ow' in between her laughter that just set them both off all the more.

When they finally settled down they were both laid back on the bed, gasping for air and riding out the intermittent chuckles.

"I needed that."

"Me too."

Natalia turned to face Olivia and took a breath, "Hey," Olivia looked at her, "you know, if you can forgive me Olivia, you really should forgive yourself."

Olivia tried to turn away again.

"No please, hear me out."

Uncomfortable, Olivia stared up at the ceiling as Natalia continued, "You do such good things, you have a daughter who worships you and I've seen how much you care, about her, your friends, your business. All of it Olivia, it all tells me that you are not the monster you think you are. Besides, if you were, I wouldn't be here."

Olivia turned to look at her now.

"And I want to be here. With you."

Eyes locked and studied, probing the depths of sincerity.

Natalia, already laying on her side, moved her hand to caress Olivia's face and stroke back the errant locks of hair. Leaving her hand against Olivia's cheek she asked, "Are you going to be able to sleep okay?"

"I think so."

Olivia swallowed, unsure how much more of this emotional rollercoaster she could take as her eyes started tearing up again. Raising her hand, she placed it over Natalia's still resting on her cheek.

"Would you..." she hated being this needy but somehow she felt...safe? She knew she was placing her trust in this incredible, unstoppable woman and yet for the first time ever, she knew this was the right thing to do. Here was someone, at last, who saw more than 'Olivia Spencer', business woman, mother, she saw everything, scars and all.

"What?" Natalia watched the wealth of emotion behind Olivia's eyes, eyes that somehow saw something in Natalia nobody else ever saw. Olivia gave her strength, gave her purpose.

"Natalia," she lowered their hands, "would you...I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything but..."

Confident of what Olivia was trying to ask, Natalia smiled and opened her arms, _time to give some of that strength back_, "Of course I will."

Olivia rolled over and sighed as Natalia held her.

Her place of refuge.

The voices didn't stand a chance.


	31. Epilogue

**Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.**

**Epilogue**

Olivia stirred and stretched, feeling rested and refreshed by a night free of dreams and filled with only the comfortable constant of Natalia's beating heart. Her movement caused the arms that held her still to tighten their hold and fortify her sense of rightness.

Even with all that had happened over the last few days, knowing that she had no right to really feel as good as she did in this moment, Olivia could not deny herself this sense of tranquillity. _Maybe I've really died and gone to heaven_.

"What are you thinking about?"

She turned her head to look at the woman she was partially squishing.

"I was thinking how these few days away were a really good idea. I'm glad I thought of it."

That earned her a squeeze, "Hey! It was _my_ idea."

Natalia had known the moment Olivia awoke, the way her breathing changed, the tiny stretch, and had impulsively hugged her. When Olivia had burrowed back down and snuggled into her with a satisfied look across her face, Natalia had had to ask what she was thinking.

"Yes, it was your idea but I agreed to it."

"So that's how it's going to be is it?"

Natalia felt Olivia's smile.

"How's your shoulder and side?"

"Meh. How's your ankle?"

Natalia tested the joint and winced, "Yup, definitely _your_ idea we came here."

Olivia snorted and looked up at the woman who held her.

Natalia brushed back Olivia's hair again and placed her hand under her chin, tipping back her head to look at her fully. Then slowly, eyes searching Olivia's face, she leaned forward and placed the softest kiss on her forehead.

Olivia closed her eyes as if receiving absolution.

"Mommy?"

Olivia sprang up from her position as Natalia startled back and both turned to see Emma quizzically standing in the doorway.

"Hey Jellybean. You sleep okay?" Olivia patted the bed in invitation to her daughter as Emma nodded and launched herself at them.

"Yeah, I had the most fantastic dream."

"You did?"

"Yeah, it was kinda purple," the little girl chuckled.

"Purple?" Natalia questioned.

"Uh huh."

"Well, I like purple," Olivia offered, really unsure where to go with that, "You?"

"Love it." Natalia confirmed, "You know what I dreamed?"

Two sets of eyes latched onto her, looked at each other and then back at her, "No, what?"

"I dreamed I was eating the most enormous muffin."

Olivia looked at her stunned for a moment as she processed this and then burst into laughter, intensified by the totally innocent and perplexed look on Natalia's face.

Delighted by the sound of her mother's laughter, Emma eventually joined in before the contagion spread and all three ended up in what soon became a tickle fest of gigantic proportions.

When the laughter died down, Olivia hugged Emma to her and said, "We've got to think about packing up our stuff so we can head home today little Missy. Can you gather your things together?"

Emma nodded but looked sad, "Do we have to go back already?"

The adults in the room shared a look and it was clear that they were ambiguous about leaving the little cabin. Even with all that had happened, what was really making the prospect of returning home sad was the fear that some of what they had learned here would be lost.

It was Olivia who finally responded, "Yeah sweetie, we do."

Emma climbed off the bed and dragging her feet exited the room to collect her things. The two women watched her leave.

"Guess we better get moving ourselves."

"Yeah, I guess we should," there was a distinct reluctance but Olivia finally crawled out from the covers and stood up from the bed, Natalia tentatively testing her weight on her ankle behind her.

"Here let me help you with that," Olivia offered and together, they began their own morning routines.

~/\~

Breakfast was a chatty affair with Emma, now over the disappointment of having to return home, happily recounting her activities with Jane and Mrs Blaxendale.

As Natalia placed yet more food on the table, Emma excitedly exclaimed, "And she's met the Queen!"

"Really?" Natalia was impressed.

"Sure she has, all English people have met the Queen," Olivia commented.

Natalia and Emma looked at her as if unsure whether to believe her or not.

"What?"

"That's not true is it, is it?"

Olivia tried not to laugh but the way Natalia looked as she posed the statement-come-question made it impossible to keep in.

"Oh, you can be so mean." Natalia waved the spatula at her and Olivia raised her arms in defence.

Emma watched the back and forth, her eyes bright and smiling from ear to ear.

"On that note, before I become the victim of some strange spatula crime," she turned to Emma, "Have you had enough to eat?"

Emma nodded, "Uh huh."

"Okay, well can you go finish packing and I'll be through in a bit when I've helped Natalia clear this stuff away."

"Do you want me to stay and protect you mommy?" Emma asked as she saw the gleam in Natalia's eye.

"I think I'll be safe," she looked meaningfully at Natalia, "but thank you for the offer."

Emma chuckled and left the room.

Smiling and shaking her head she turned back to Natalia and began to clean up the breakfast things.

"You are you know."

"Hm?" Olivia looked up, "I know."

~/\~

"Is that everything?"

"Yup."

"I'm sure we didn't arrive with this much stuff."

Olivia shuffled a few of their bags around to safely close the trunk.

"Have you got everything Emma?"

Emma nodded and Olivia turned back to Natalia, sat in the front passenger seat of the car having been escorted there earlier in deference to her ankle, "I think I should just check through the cabin one more time and make sure."

Before Natalia could say anything, Olivia was back up the step and into the cabin doing a quick check around. She made sure they remembered to remove the DVD from the player and that no toys or books had been left in Emma's room. A quick glance in the bathroom to ensure the wash bags had been stowed away complete before finally peaking into the bedroom and almost wistfully taking in the professionally made bed.

It wasn't as if she hadn't experienced her own levels of hell here but in spite of that she had definitely experienced something else just as unexpected, a form of heaven.

Wondering if once they returned to their everyday lives back in Springfield she would ever know that feeling again, she left the cabin and climbed into the car.

"You okay?" Natalia queried at the thoughtful look on Olivia's face.

Starting the car, she looked back at Emma before facing her friend and feeling a twinge of pain from her shoulder, smiled and said, "Never better."

THE END


End file.
